TITLE: Connections 

AUTHOR: Eral C.

CATEGORY: A little piece set mid-Requiem. MSR with a pinch of
angst, as usual ;)

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Mulder & Scully belong to David Duchovny
and Gillian Anderson, IMHO. Or, to Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox,
if you prefer.

SUMMARY: "Although I don't know where this fear is coming from,
I feel it anyway, like a rock in the pit of my stomach."

COMMENTS: Before I was *truly* inspired to write after 
Existence, I used to scribble little half stories, with no 
intention of doing anything with them. This was a post-Requiem 
"scribble" and I'd forgotten about it until, during possibly 
the biggest house clean up in the history of the world <g>, I 
found a disk and guess what was on it...? So, I tidied it up 
a little and decided to put it out 'there'. 

FEEDBACK: Love it! At eral_c@hotmail.com  
For anyone interested, I finally have all of my stories on a 
website at   http://www.geocities.com/eral_c  so please stop 
by, I have a terrible fear of being my only visitor :) 



Connections by Eral C.


"I won't let you go alone."

My fingers stroke the back of his neck as I make my declaration
and I feel his arms tighten around me. I don't ever want to let 
go, I want him to take me home, bury himself in me and make me 
feel safe. I want to taste his soft kisses, his breath on my 
neck as he holds me and tells me over and over that he loves 
me, that I am his.

"Let's go home, Scully."

I look up and meet his eyes yet I can only nod in agreement. 
I don't trust my voice not to reveal the anguish I am feeling, 
the emotions swirling around inside me like an imminent storm. 
I should know better than to think I can hide it from him, we 
don't need words, we never really did. My eyes divulge more 
than mere words ever could, especially to him. He told me not 
so long ago that he fell in love with my eyes the moment he
met me, that when he feels lost, my eyes are his anchor, like 
a light in the darkness guiding him home.

We walk down the deserted hallway in silence, just listening 
to each other breathe. As we step onto the elevator, I take his 
hand and squeeze it tightly. If my eyes are his anchor, then 
his hands are mine. There is no other comfort for me quite like 
the touch of his hand. The gentle tangling of his fingers within 
mine somehow gives me whatever I am seeking - courage, calm, 
love. Always love.

"You okay?"

His voice is barely above a whisper and I nod, this time unable 
to make eye contact for fear that the tears currently threatening 
to spill will make their escape, telling him exactly how afraid 
I am for him, for us. Although I don't know where this fear is 
coming from, I feel it anyway, like a rock in the pit of my 
stomach. Again, he seems to know and he tilts my chin towards 
him until I have no choice but to meet his gaze, unprepared for 
what I see - tears shimmering in his eyes. He pulls me to him 
and I feel his fingers in my hair, his lips brushing the top of 
my head.

"It'll be okay, Scully. Couple of days and I'll be back. You'll
hardly have time to miss me."

"Something doesn't feel right, Mulder."

My voice is small and shaky and my stomach flutters with what I
can only imagine is fear, panic and dread all rolled into a big 
ball. I can't explain it but everything inside me is screaming at
me not to let him go, to plead with him to stay. I won't do that,
it's important for him to go, he needs to know what's happening
in Bellefleur and he won't rest until he does. I won't rest either,
not until he's safely back home.

**********************************

We don't talk on the drive back to his apartment but his right 
hand rests lightly on my knee as he drives, his thumb tapping
me over and over, until my hand finally covers his. His thumb
stills and we both let out long breaths that we hadn't even 
realised we were holding. He parks the car and I force myself to
let go of his hand, not wanting to break the contact for even a
moment.

I sit on the bed as he pulls a bag from the closet. I stand then
and move over to open the top drawer in the chest, taking out a
t-shirt and a sweater and placing them in the bag. He moves to 
the bathroom, then returns tossing a toothbrush and toothpaste 
into the bag as I start adding socks and underwear. We do this 
in unison, almost as though we had rehearsed for this moment. 
Neither of us speaks, we both need this task to be over so that 
we can enjoy the time we have before he leaves in the morning.

"Gloves, Mulder. It may get cold out there."

He smiles as I hand him the gloves and there is such warmth in
that smile that I feel my heart begin to ache. As a doctor, I 
know that heartbreak isn't a physical condition but at this 
moment, I wouldn't bet against it. We're finished and he zips 
the bag shut and swings it off of the bed and into the corner 
of the room.

"You want to go out and grab some dinner, Scully?"

I shake my head, "I just want to stay home tonight, Mulder."

"Okay, but we'll order in. I want you to eat something, I don't
want you getting all dizzy on me again."

"Mulder, I'm f-"

I stop myself before the words are out. Even though we don't 
know what's causing my dizzy spells and nausea, I'm obviously 
*not* fine and we both know it. Deep down, I'm terrified and I 
know Mulder is too, although neither one of us has said it. I 
promised him while we were in Oregon that I would get it checked 
out and now that we're home, I will. I'll wait for him to get 
back though, whatever it is can wait a couple more days and I 
want him to be here with me.

We eat and I have to admit that I was hungrier than I thought. 
I saw Mulder watching me eat, almost counting every mouthful I 
took until he finally looked satisfied that I had eaten enough 
and turned his attention back to his own plate. I have to smile, 
even though his over protectiveness usually irks me. I know he's 
worried and I don't want him to worry about me, I just want him 
to concentrate on getting to Oregon and back again as soon as 
he can.

"I say we forget about tomorrow and act like this is a regular
Friday night. Deal?"

I will try to forget, I don't want us to be unhappy tonight, I 
want us to enjoy this evening and each other, just like normal. 
I stand up, take his hand and smile at him,

"Deal. Let's go to bed, Mulder."  

**********************************

I lie on the bed and watch him undress, my eyes travelling up 
and down his body, a body I never tire of admiring. It's nice 
to finally be able to be open in my admiration instead of sneaking 
furtive glances when he thinks I'm not looking. The only thing I 
regret is spending so many years wondering about that beautiful 
body before I actually got to see it for myself. I stop myself, 
I don't want *any* regrets tonight.

His pants drop to the floor and he is left only in his boxers 
as he crawls across the bed to where I lie waiting, my eyes now 
on his, unable to look away. He unzips my skirt and slides it 
slowly off before throwing it to the floor and leaning in to 
unbutton my shirt. I think he's at the third button before I 
can resist no longer. I take his face in my hands and I kiss 
him softly at first before deepening the kiss, feeling him moan 
into my mouth as my shirt joins the rest of my clothes on the 
floor beside the bed and his hands begin to move across my 
bare stomach.

We make love slowly, our eyes locked the entire time, as though 
we both need to savour this night, to commit the feel and taste 
of each other to memory. I don't need to do that, I know exactly 
how Mulder tastes, how he feels and how I feel when he's with me.

We sleep and I'm sorry when the morning light wakes me because 
now it's time, he has to go. I keep telling myself it's just a 
few days but I don't seem to be listening. He is behind me, 
spooned tightly against me, his breath tickling the back of my 
neck. He makes no sound but he's awake, I know it. I sigh and he 
pulls me back so that there is absolutely no space between us, 
we are two people melted into one, joined at the heart.

A roving hand tickles just below my navel and my stomach quivers,
followed by a familiar rush of warmth. His teeth close over my 
neck and I know he is marking me, his last chance for now. His 
hand is still on my stomach and I reach down to cover it with 
my own, soothed again by the feel of our hands connected.

"Skinner's picking me up at 9."

"Mm hm. Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"Do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Wear it, Mulder and I'll wear mine."

"Scully?"

"I don't care who knows anymore, I'm tired of hiding the one 
thing that's good in my life. I love you, Mulder."

"I love you, too."

**********************************

His bag sits on the floor beside the couch and looking at it 
is making me feel nauseous, or maybe I'm just nauseous again 
anyway. Mulder sits on the couch as I pace the floor. I'm 
driving him crazy, I know but in a matter of minutes I have 
to say goodbye with this awful feeling of dread deep inside 
and I'm not handling it too well.

A knock on the door stops me in my tracks and as we look at 
each other, I swear I see a brief flicker of fear in his eyes 
before he makes it over to me in two strides and wraps his 
arms around me. I'm not crying but only because I'm fighting 
it with everything I have, because I'm afraid that if I start 
crying, I may never stop.

Another knock on the door. He lets me go and takes a step back,
leaving me feeling suddenly alone, even though he is just feet 
away. He opens the door to Skinner and steps back to pick up 
his bag at the exact same time that I move forward to do the 
same thing. We almost collide and something inexplicable happens 
then, instinct seems to take over. I grab him and kiss him 
quickly, yet so fiercely that I think I might kill him with 
my intensity. As we break apart, I see Skinner over Mulder's 
shoulder, a curious look on his face, part embarrassment I 
think, part shock.

Again, we both reach for the bag and our fingers brush together. 
The light coming in through the blinds bounces off the identical 
gold bands on our left hands and I smile at him, a hopeful smile.

He'll come home soon, he has to.


END