On April 7, 1999 my father died. He had lung and brain cancer for about two years. Things went downhill after his funeral. I still cry every time I hear the song It Is Well With My Soul- it was his favorite song. We were really close. I was Daddy�s little girl, his princess. I planned on him walking me down the aisle where my crush of the time actor Austin O�Brien, would be waiting there for me. I dreamed of him holding my children and my parents growing old together. Little did I know that would never happen. Anyway, I got to the point, a few months ago that life didn�t make �sense� to me anymore. My friends didn�t make �sense� to me, nothing made �sense�. There were only two friendships that did. One I think of as a sister. We talk a lot and I know that I can always call her anytime. (except when she has basketball) and we can talk and she�ll just lift my spirits. Anyway, I began to withdraw myself from everything and everyone. I kept my pain bottled up inside of me. (I still do to some degree. I have a tendency to hold on to things.) I only left my pain out at night or when I was alone at home. I often wished that I could die. Then my pain would be gone. I prayed (still do) that some how my Dad would come back to me. And he does�but in my dreams at night. I remember one time just saying out loud, �Ya know God, it really ticks me off that you took my father from me, just when I need him the most. I just want to see him again. I just want a hug from Daddy. That�s all I�m asking for God.� That night I had a dream. I was at church. There were a few people there, but only one in particular stood out to me. It was my father. I ran to him and gave him the biggest hug ever. And he held me like a father holds his little girl. Then I woke up. I can still see that dream in my head. That night I cried like I�ve never cried before. Well, let�s fast forward past my depression. Ok, so I�m going down the road and this song comes on the radio. It�s called Written On My Heart by a group called Plus One. I think that you�ve all heard of them! I fell in love with that song! Few weeks later I had some money to blow, so I bought there CD at good ole Wally-World (wal-mart in case you haven�t heard that nickname) Keep in mind that I�m still in my depression. Well one night I was really down and I was listening to their CD. When Your Spirit Gets To Weak came on. I started to crying because of the chorus. I felt like a ton of bricks hit me. Like my eyes were suddenly opened up. Even though my spirit was weak, even when I thought there was no way and I wanted to die and just give up on life, God cared about me. He loved me and he was my way out. I even felt like these five guys cared about me too. I know that sound far-fetched considering the fact that they don�t even know me, but that�s how I felt. I think that it was later that week that their song I Will Rescue You came on. And the same thing that happened with When Your Spirit Gets To Weak happened with I Will Rescue You. I can honestly say that since listening to those songs and the others that it got me out of my depression. Thanks to Plus One, their music, and God I�ve got a ton of friends now and I'm starting to feel better about myself! I�m getting the best grades of my life. They even had to move me up in English class�and English was always one of my worst subjects! My Dad always believed in me and I�m starting to believe in myself. It�s hard cause I never did before so it�s gonna take some time. I want to be in the music business or be an actress. I�ll go for music before acting though because music has always been my first love. But who knows what will happen in the future. But I know that I have one. Of course now in then I get depressed, I�m getting out of one of those ruts now. Almost to the top and on my way again, but I know that with Plus One�s music, my friends, and God that I�ll always have a way out no matter what I go through.
BTW: Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I love feed back so email me ok? Thanks�oh and if any of you guys that read this belong to Plus One (Jason, Gabe, Nate, Jeremy, Nathan�no posers lol) please send an email to me cause I would like to thank you personally�although it is just through email. TTYL! [email protected] |
