| The Revelations of the Holy Blue-Tongued Fire Lizard |
| Bleakly, in a wilderness of her soul, the Revelator wandered in the forests of Wisconsin. Her spirit was greatly oppressed by the darkness imposed upon it by the harsh dictates of the educational system. The date was June 7, 2002. Suddenly, her strength gave out. Collapsing beneath the welcome shade of a white spruce, she lapsed into somnolence. The blessed tree took her into its ample heaving bosom, and there she rested. She awoke to the sweet scent of sharp cheddar. The hunk of cheese was being proferred by a strange reptile, its scales all shades of aquamarine, azure, cerulean, and cobalt in a hypnotically shifting pattern. Entranced, the Revelator watched as the lizard's brilliant blue tongue flickered out, traceries of flame running along its length. Astonishingly, the colorful reptile's scales began to shift in hue. It became olive, emerald, sage, seafoam, and lime, then shifted to marigold, mustard, lemon, and goldenrod, changing then to macaroni & cheese (extra cheesy), tangerine, grapefruit, and peach, at last settling on scarlet, crimson, vermillion, and brick. The fire of its tongue began to crackle angrily, and it spoke. "Well, are you gonna eat the stupid cheese or not?" "A thousand apologies, Most Mighty Reptile. Gladly shall I eat the cheese you so graciously gift unto me. I only paused in my consumption in reverence to your Omniscient Opalescence." "Aw, shaddap. Call me Sam. Sam Ieyam. Now eat your cheese." "Gladly shall I obey, your Holy Multicoloredness." "I thought I told you to stop that." "My humblest obeisances, most Hol . . . um, Sam. "That's better. Now, sit back, relax, chose from our wide variety of aspertane-free generic carbonated beverages, and prepare to enter a whole new level of existence." Then the Holy Blue-Tongued Fire Lizard revealed to her many wonders and majesties of the Universe. "The answer to all your questions is (drumroll please) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
| "What?!? That's it?!?" "What's wrong with it? It's a beautiful number." "Um, ok, but how is it the answer to everything?" "Ah, that is a question you must yourself answer. Knowledge has no worth unless the seeker is willing to give herself to the knowledge." "What the heck is that supposed to mean?" "Don't ask me, I'm just the Holy Blue-Tongued Fire Lizard. Go home and think about it. Pick up a parting gift on your way out." The Revelator followed the trail of bread crumbs and lentils to the posh kiosk, where she picked up a lovely gift basket containing a dozen clementine oranges, a jar of grape jam, another of creamy peanut butter, a copy of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a pair of toe-socks, and a topographical map of Canada. Puzzling over this strange turn of events, she wandered out of the Wisconsin woods and back into the bright light of day.There were bells tolling in the distance and a flock of winged hedgehogs fluttered across the sky. Strangeley, they were playing harpsichords, and the Revelator thought that was kind of weird, especially considering that rodents lack opposable thumbs and pianos sound prettier. But the Revelator shrugged and walked onto a cobblestone street and into the next phase of her spiritual journey. |
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| ~Finis~ Read the next installment of the Revelator's Story in Chapter Two of THE ESSENCE OF 42, due for publication sometime in the near future.. It's sure to keep you on the edge of your seat! So hold onto that box of tissues and wear a seatbelt! |
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