Peoples of the world, hearken to what I say to you now! From a dimension not too far from ours and on a day not too far away, a vision has come to me. I tell you now, with all of my being and my essence and my soul and my precognizant powers, the Celestial Golden Retriever shall return to this universe. Repent, ye suggestion-breakers of the world! Repent, ye who consume no citrus! Repent, for the Holy Hedgehog shall no longer be His prey! She, the Divine One, shall no longer banish the wayward canine with the menace of Her spines. Nay, it is a creature who lacks spiny protrusions that He shall relentlessly pursue across the universe, from dimension to dimesion, tearing the space-time continuum into shredded wheat with his ghastly breath and strong, yellow teeth. His prey, She-of-the-Bushy-Lice-Ridden-Fur, aka She-who-Gathers-the-Acorns-in-the-Autmnal-Season, aka the Incessant One, shall bound and leap from one celestial body from the next, from comet to planet, from planet to sun, with only the rabies virus to fend off the Slobbering Menace. Aye, it is the Incessant Squirrel that He shall pursue with whirlwind fury. I know that there are those of you here today who have strongly comprehended, but to those who have not, I say unto you now: hark!destruction is upon us! For He shall bound and leap and chase the Incessant Squirrel across the Divine Hedgehog's Creation, this Universe and all that Other Stuff, and He shall smash the Earth into a million pieces with one wag of his tail, as a child might smash a Chocolate Orange, except more messily! The Great Furry Beast shall wag and wag and swoosh! his bony appendage shall clobber the Earth as a member of the Russian Mafia might clobber a victim. O, repent ye, workaholics of the world! A day of reckoning is not upon us now, but it shall be soon! And ye can yet be saved! Listen, for this is a matter of utmost urgency!
I have seen, yes, I have witnessed with my own eyes, that the Incessant One shall elude His capture, just as squirrels elude capture from earthly canines, for they are quick-minded and limber and lithe. Nay, the Incessant One shall climb the Galaxial Tree, aka Ydrassil, aka That-Giant-Supernova-by-Rigel 7, and scamper up to the next dimension. Hear me now, I have heard the Incessant One's chatter, and it is not a pretty sound! It taunts from above, it beckons to that which is below, but She is just out of reach! and O! how the Celestial Retriever Barks! In His fury and frustration, He shall chase the stars around the Tree. And the stars run and dash and leap and blip and beam into the Far Beyond, and disappear from this universe forever.
Hearken, and be afraid! I have seen the Great Dark Nothing, and it is very dark. O, ye who do not participate in this cult, you shall face this great abyss! But for the faithful, be not afraid! For the sorry chunks of Earth shall not be alone! I have seen that a few Nutrinos and Nintendos and Dark Matter Particles shall remain, to watch and wait for the Celestial Zamboni, much in the matter of hockey games.
Hark, the Divine Madame Zamboni cometh, to clean and clear and wipe clean the destructive doings of the Celestial Hound. And, lo, all is not lost for the Quadragenta Doites! It has been granted to me to see how those loyal to the precepts of Quadragenta Doism, those who Take No Thing Seriously, eat Peanut Butter and Jam, and many bushels of Oranges, shall be saved! Listen, and discover, and obey! Be comforted, ye of the 7! Be saved, ye of the 6! High amounts of ascorbic acid combined with a stress-free lifestyle shall make those who are loyal to the precepts of Quadragenta Doism glow, and shine, and stick out like sore thumbs, in the blackness of the Nothing, and the Nintendos and Nutrinos and other Particles shall stick to the followers like glitter glue on a home-made Valentine card, for the Universe In General loves Quadragenta Doites. Lo, Madame Zamboni shall pick they-of-the-glowing-skin out of the rubble of the Earth and transport them to the alternate dimension of Bic, where they shall live happy lives hitchhiking through the galaxy and writing "Zagat: the Galaxial Edition" surveys for lots of money.
[Insert nice conclusion here--something about coming to the 42, you know?]
