Adventure Territory EMS District
|
I discovered Emergency Medical Services (EMS) in high school while taking first aid for the first time ever, and while I was studying, Rescue: 911 became my favorite weekly TV show. As soon as I got to college, it didn't take the guys on the campus rescue squad much effort to get me to take the EMT class. I became an EMT in March 1995 and started working at a local ambulance company two months later. It was called Life-Line, in Wakefield, Massachusetts, and our ambulances served almost every city and suburb on the north side of Boston. That company kept getting bought out, I kept having to rip the patch off my uniform to sew another one on, and finally American Medical Response (AMR) took over and turned the whole place upside-down. That's about when I stopped working there. I still hold a national registry EMT card, probably always will, and I try to work on ambulances wherever and whenever I can.
|
|
Not All Blood and Guts Contrary to popular belief, we EMT's are not constantly wiping blood and guts off our uniforms. The really serious calls don't come along very often, especially on small volunteer squads. Your average call is usually an 89-year-old lady having trouble breathing, or a warehouse worker having back pains again. Those are 99 percent of your calls. Many of the reasons people call 911 will make you laugh. As one firefighter once told me: "people never dial 911 to say they just did something intelligent..."
A lot of EMT's like to watch "Paramedics" on the Learning Channel or "Trauma: Life in the ER" on the Discovery Channel. The 70's TV series "Emergency" is yet another form of down-time entertainment. Yes, many of us really do eat meals while looking at overhead training slides of blood and guts. It seems to add a much more adventurous side to lasagna.
Ambulance Stories It was 11:30 pm (or 23:30, as we would say) in Lawrence, MA, the middle of summer. My unit was called to respond to the Store 24 "for difficulty breathing." I'll never forget the guy who came running out of the store, googly-eyed and not-so-coordinated, out of breath. The first words from his mouth were a desperate "you gotta help me man... I can't feel my lungs!"
Since I've always been a writer, and always came home from work with interesting stories, I never thought to combine the two when I staggered in the door at eight in the morning, mumbling those stories to Mom as I tried to remember where my bed was. Finally she, and other family members, told me I should start writing about those experiences. Here they are!
|
|
People here spell ambulance 'T-A-X-I'.
Clean, modern, office space is not nessesarily needed to run a lucrative business here.
If your siren is broken, a patient with a minor stomach ache is an acceptable substitute.
Graffiti is protected as a form of "speech."
Pitbulls are exotic pets. So are alligators.
A police cruiser with no dents or bullet holes has not been placed in service yet.
At the scene of a car crash, never mistake a dented-up cop car as being involved; it was like that since day 2.
It is often a mistake to call a car crash an "accident."
With tinted windows, gold hubcaps, and the maker's name plastered across the hood, even your grandmother's car can be stylish here.
Fires always follow the rule of threes: If it happens at 3 am, it will be at least 3 alarms and take at least 3 hours for the firefighters to put out.
At the present rate of 3-alarm fires, there will be no more city by October 2002.
There are car stereos with more wattage than my siren.
There are teenagers with more offspring than an adult fieldmouse.
Some teenagers reproduce fast enough to be classified as viruses.
The "terrible 2's" are when the tot starts to fight his 10 pm curfew.
It really is possible to find a residence without any street signs or house numbers.
The world's most complicated diseases can be instantaneously cured simply by demonstrating fluency in the patient's native language.
If Sally Struthers can save children with the price of a cup of coffee, she should take over welfare reforms.
Actually, no. It's Friday night, I'm working again, and I need my coffee.
|
Vs. MD: Has had enough training to be dangerous. MD: Ego trip MD: Hopes his caddy can find the 9-iron. MD: Maintains a patient's medical records MD: Framed certificates with Latin phrases MD: Wonders if the student will survive his residency MD: Sutures MD: "Nurse, it's hot; turn on the A/C." MD: Does a cardiac consult over dinner MD: Caviar and wine MD: Neurology convention at the Royal Sonesta MD: Runs tests to see what's wrong with the patient MD: Covers ward 5 while the other doc's on vacation MD: Flirts with nurses |
|
|