[The screen fades to black from the commercials and white lettering appears on the screen that reads: "The following is a special presentation of The IWF/WOW" The letters fade as "Allstar" by Smash Mouth begins to play and the screen fades in to a video montage of IWF/WOW action from the past six months. The camera fades again, and then the camera fades in to show a ballroom. There is a stage at one end with a large Golden Turnbuckle statuette beside the back left part of the stage. The statuette is of a ringpost with 3 turnbuckles on it, with the ropes jutting out from each side. To the back right is a large video screen, still playing the opening montage. The stage looks very similar to the one used by the WWF for the Slammies. It is surrounded by ropes on three sides, with a podium at the front, and a set of steps leading up to the stage. The IWF/WOW logo is on the front of the podium. To the left side of the stage is a small jazz band. There are 8 members of the band, all holding instruments, except for the drummer. On the front of the bass drum reads "The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet". All of the band members are in tuxedos. There are 6 men, and two woman, 7 of them look to be in their mid to late twenties. The other looks around 40 or so, with thick glasses, and is the only one wearing a white tux. There is a white card attached to the bottom of his saxophone that reads "Squeaky". In front of the stage is where the tables are set up. All of the IWF/WOW roster is in attendance, and almost all of them are in tuxedos.) Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome your host for tonight's festivities, Mr Anthony Edwards!!! (Edwards comes out from behind a curtain to the right of the stage. He is dressed in a black tuxedo, with a red bowtie and red cumberbund, and his dark blond hair is neatly styled. Edwards walks up behind the podium and grabs the microphone.) Anthony Edwards: Welcome everyone to the 2001 IWF/WOW HALF YEAR GOLDEN TURNBUCKLES!!!! [The crowd cheers] Anthony Edwards: This show is airing tonight, in an attempt to make up for not having had a show prior to Summer Explosion 5. This was a gross oversight on the part of the IWF/WOW Head offices, and we assure you it won't happen again. [There is some applause, as well as some cat calls.] Anthony Edwards: As is customary, I am required to open the show with a musical number, and once again I will be accompanied by the Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet!! [There is some polite applause from the crowd. The camera pans the wrestlers, who all look horrified, some having experienced an Edwards musical number, and the rest having heard enough of the stories.] Anthony Edwards: So without further ado... Ladies and Gentleman This is Year Number 5 [The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet break out into the music for "Mambo #5" by Lou Bega, and Edwards sings his version...] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Everybody in the ring, so come on let's fight For the pride and glory of the World Belt Travers said he wanted a fair ref So Chris went out and got The Prophet Thought I heard Spades say last week That his opponent sucks, and no win is cheap I like Novy, Flynt, Vahn, and Carter And as I watch them grow you know They gettin' better so what can I do I really thank you Chris J To me wrestling is more than a sport Any old ring, it's all good Let me jump in and give you a chair shot. | Chorus | A little bit of St Clair, in the ring A little bit of Edwards, please don't sing... HEY!! A little bit of Novy, off the ropes A little bit of Lumski, watching soaps A little bit of Steve West, on the run A little bit of 'Tower, his promos are long A little bit of Thranton, welcome back A little bit of you helps our arena get packed | Pause | Year No. 5 Jump up and down And slam him on the ground Wrap your hand around his throat And then hold him in the choke Take one step left and use your right Lift him high in the air and slam him on his side Stomp your foot once and stomp your foot twice And if it looks like he's out Then you're doing it right | Chorus | A little bit of Sledge, who's coming back A little bit of Erickson, his first match A little bit of Flynt, who smokes a lot A little bit of Eden, got a second IC spot A little bit of Redding, whom I can't stand A little bit of Vahn, he loves the fans A little bit of Travers, in his zone A little bit of you makes our fans all groan | Pause | Two nights until Wrestlefest Year No. 5 Ha, ha, ha | Chorus | A little bit of Carter, counting down A little bit of Coop, get out of town A little bit of Cote, he's The Hammer A little bit of Toshio, put him in the slammer A little bit of Redneck, with his hogs A little bit of Arcola, I hear he jogs A little bit of Prophet, he's the ref A little bit of you ensures the match will be fair I'd do all to watch Wrestlefest with all of you Cause you can't wait and you can believe Our superstars are gonna touch the sky | Pause | WrestleFest No. 5. [Edwards finishes with his hands raised in the air. The wrestlers all jump to their feet in a standing ovation, most of them holding back laughter. It's hard to tell if they're standing in appreciation, or if it's one big joke. :)] Anthony Edwards: (gasp) Thank you!! Thank you very much!... The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet Ladies and Gentlemen!! [There is some more cheering. Squeaky raises his arms in the air in triumph, and then falls backwards after tripping on his stool. There is some laughter.] Anthony Edwards: Let's get right to the Half Year Awards, and we'll begin with the announcement of the Pay-Per-View of the Half Year. Here to make the announcement are our esteemed play by play man Jim Robson, and our color analyst Jack Anderson!! [The crowd applaude as Robson and Anderson stand up at their table, which includes Francine, Vice President Thompson, BattleCentre Producer Moe Smith, President Jurkschat, and a sour looking President Ishikawa. Robson and Anderson, both dressed in tuxedos, climb the steps and walk to the podium.] Jim Robson: The award for Pay-Per-View of the Half Year must have been a very difficult decision for the voters. The three Pay-Per-Views that were nominated were top notch shows, that featured the finest in athletic competition... Jack Anderson: What the hell were you watching? Jim Robson: Excuse me? Jack Anderson: Were you at the same pay-per-views I was at? Jim Robson: Of course I was!! Jack Anderson: Well, you're trying to tell me that Christmas Madness was TOP NOTCH? Jim Robson: Of course! The Main Event was nominated as one of the matches of the Half Year! Jack Anderson: Only because Jurkschat screwed Travers, and had to justify the match as a legitmate contest!! Jim Robson: You should be more careful, you ARE sitting with the executives tonight. Jack Anderson: Oh yeah... Mr Jurkschat, I was just kidding.. Heh. [Jurkschat is shown with a "you're in trouble" look on his face as he looks up at Anderson.] Jack Anderson: Well, announce the nominees already Jim! Jim Robson: The nominees for Pay Per View of the Half Year are... Summer Explosion 2000 Deconstruction Inc. vs Watterson/Morgenheim Richard Blair/Steve West vs Chris Carter "Epic" Eric Travers vs Johnny Sledge [North American title] Magnus Colby vs "The Future" Chris Johnson [World tag team title 2/3 falls] Lightning Bolts vs Boston Bad Boys [Intercontinental title] Chris Fisher vs "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn [World title] Hades vs James Monosso vs Razor Ron Jeremy WrestleWar 2000 [16 man Battle Royal] "Countdown" Chris Carter, "Master of the Flatliner" Hank Brimstone, Jason Roth, Toshio, "The Future" Chris Johnson, Dan "The Man" Watterson, Dark Bishop, Minister Dicky S. Wright, "The Rocket" Richard Blair, Trevor Redding, "Vicious" Vic Valiant, "Crazy" Brett Morgenheim, Darien Poe, Jason Reigns, "The Meat Machine" Mike Marconi, Magnus Colby [Triple Towers of Terror] Hightower vs "Professor" Steve West [North American title match] "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn vs "Hardass" Colin Justins [World tag team elimination title match] - one from each team in the ring at all times Lightning Bolts vs Boston Bad Boys vs Jeremy Stenzel & Daemon Winters [World title match] "Epic" Eric Travers vs "Method Man" Chris Fisher Christmas Madness 2000 WORLD TITLE MATCH - BEST OF SEVEN SERIES Eric Travers [3 wins] vs Hightower [0 wins] NORTH AMERICAN TITLE MATCH Trevor Redding vs "Countdown" Chris Carter GRUDGE MATCH Johnny Spades vs "Method Man" Chris Fisher GRUDGE MATCH Sean Eden vs "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn GRUDGE MATCH Elijah Flynt vs "Meat Machine" Mike Marconi DEBUT MATCH! Damien Caine vs Kritical Kondition Jack Anderson: Isn't that the only 3 pay per views we've had in this half year? Jim Robson: Yes. Jack Anderson: No wonder WrestleWar and Christmas Madness got nominated. Jim Robson: Are you TRYING to get your ass fired? Jack Anderson: Of course not, I'm just doing my job as an analyst. Jim Robson: Well then do your other job and open the envelope. [Anderson sneers at Robson as he opens the envelope and reads the contents.] Jack Anderson: Just like I thought... The runner up for Pay Per View of the Half Year is WrestleWar 2000. The WINNER is... SUMMER EXPLOSION 2000!! [The crowd applaude as highlights of the event are shown on the video screen. As the highlights finsh, Anthony Edwards makes his way back to the podium.] Anthony Edwards: And, now...to announce the Manager of the Half-Year... He is the former 3-time World Champion, a member of the Hall of Fame and a man who recently made his return to the I/W. Ladies and Gentlemen, accompanied by the Choir-Master, here is The Prophet! (The audience applaudes as the Prophet and Choir-Master enter from the wings, the prophet waves to the audience and the Choir-Master is carrying both the envelope and award. They reach the podium, face the camera and begin reading the cue-cards.) Choir-Master: Um...Hey Prophet! Everyone notices the wrestler in the ring, but how often does the manager get any attention? Prophet: Well, only when they're wearing something tight or swinging something...light? (Prophet looks to the wings) Who wrote this? Choir-Master: Shall we check out the nominees? Prophet: (sighing) Yes, lets! First, the woman who accompanies the "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn...the man known as Martini! (A smattering of applause follows the announcement.) Choir-Master: Next, the lovely lady who follows Chris Carter to the ring, as well as other places...Jade! (More applause and a few whistles for Jade happen.) Prophet: And, the lady who could be known as the first lady or the IWF/WoW...she accompanies the Man with the Plan Cooper Concrete...of course, I'm talking about Kelly James! (The crowd cheers the announcement of James' name, as the Prophet reaches for the envelope.) Prophet: There's three good canidates...any one of them could be a winner... (The Prophet opens the envelope, shows the inside to the Choir-Master, who smiles and nods his approval.) Prophet: The Runner up, is Martini. And, the winner is... KELLY JAMES!!! [The buxom blonde beauty looking ravishing in a light blue sleeveless nightgown wearing blue-tinted shades, and her hair down, she makes her way to the podium. Accompanying Kelly James, are Cooper Concrete and "HeadHunter" Richard James, the Boston Bad Boys. Both wearing classic black tuxedos and shades. HeadHunter's mohawk tonight is bleach white. Whistles are heard as the audience applauds IWFWOW's Manager Of The Year.] Kelly James: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for recognizing my efforts. Yes, I am one crafty bitch...but without these two tough guys behind me, my work would not be even sub-par. I've molded Cooper Concrete into a 2-time World Champion, 2-time North American champion, and along with my big brother, "the HeadHunter" Richard James, the IWFWOW Tag Team Champions, the Boston Bad Boys. The fact is this -I only work with the best, and I'm always scouting out new talent. So for those of you looking to get a small boost in your IWFWOW career, give me a call. I've got to also give a shout out to Charlie Vahn too. It's too damn bad, that we've parted ways - even though I always led you down the golden road. A North American Title reign came your way, and that's not because of just your hard work, but because of my hard work behind the scenes. We could have made mucho dinero together Charlie, but for now, I guess the cash flow will only enter my back account. HA HA! Another shout out goes to Hightower... Cooper Concrete: What?!?! Kelly James: Shush! The IWFWOW World Champ not only tried to take away one of my prized athletes, but he actual made me do some soul searching. You see when he came onto the scene and was part of the Power Alliance way back when, and he was begging AJ, Payne, and Coop to be part of the most elite wrestling team ever assembled in the IWFWOW. He must have forgot about one other contract he signed himself, and dammit Chris - I would not have ever known, if you didn't stick your nose into my business in the first place... HeadHunter: WHat!?!?! Kelly James: Shush! You see, Chris, you thought your lawyers would dig up some sort of way out for Charlie to get out of his contract, and believe me baby - I'm not Manager of The Year for nothing! Not only is Charlie's contract still in tact until Summer Explosion. But the original contract you signed with me to be part of the Power Alliance is still in tact, too. Cooper and HeadHunter: What?!?! Kelly James: Boys, Hush! Now that contract had you under legal pending that myself, Kelly James, that's me - not in any association with the Power Alliance - would be your acting manager until the year 2002! We had never formally broken that contract, even though we went our separate ways. This is the truth, folks... So not only is Charlie part of my squad, but so is the current IWFWOW World Champion! Cooper Concrete: Is that so?! HAHAHA! Kelly James: But the best part is this.. Hightower when you won the IWFWOW World Championship back at Christmas Madness, you inadvertently gave me the biggest Christmas gift, I've ever received! Now, that you've become a Grand Slam champion... I just got the biggest Christmas Bonus, the IWFWOW has ever had to dish out. So listen up to all you manager wannabes - this babe is no fool, and I stand up here as living proof, that good things come to those who wait. And Chris, I expect to be getting my paycheck in the mail real soon - or else honey, you'll be hearing from my lawyers... IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.... (Kelly James and the Boston Bad Boys all glare at the World Champion and flip him off, and the trio leaves the stage laughing their asses off.) [Anthony Edwards steps back up to the podium to address the crowd.] Anthony Edwards: The next award to be presented will be for the Heel of the Half Year. Here to present the award tonight is The current IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Champion, HIGHTOWER!! [The crowd applaude as The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet break out intoi their version of "Trip Like I Do" by Filter/Crystal Method. Hightower is dressed in a black tux, and carries the envelope to the podium with him.] Hightower: Heel of the Half Year....let's think about this shall we. This award goes out to the man that is most hated in the federation. The award is given to the man who gets boo'ed most by the fans....the award goes to the man that is most hated in the backstage area....and more importantly this award will go to a guy who I've beaten, because so far every nominee that I see on this list has received a loss to me sometime in his career! [Hightower flashes a grin as he looks over at Eric Travers, who gives the champ a cocky smile as he shakes his head trying to ignore Hightower.] Hightower: Now all four of the nominees for Hell of the Half Year truly do deserve to win, and I can honestly say that because I've been in the ring against each and every single one of these guys. CHRIS FISHER-He's one hell of an athlete and he's got a cocky arrogant personality but....sh*t is he even is this fed anymore? I didn't think so....anyways moving along. TREVOR REDDING-This guy may deserve to win the award more than any of the other guys on the list, and not because of his in-ring abilities, not because of his mic work, it's because any guy who hits a woman has got to be considered a bad seed! [The camera shows Trevor Redding, nod whose and gives a arrogant, disgusting smile as Hightower shakes his head.] JOHNNY SPADES-This man is definatly an up and comer....nevermind the fact that he's trying to be like me, trying to start a stable to out do The Fraternity, trying to form The Franchise Players, but despite the fact that Johnny Spades needs to learn the word copyright, he is a tough individual and he's plowed through may opponents to have his name make it's way onto this ballot. Hightower: Now last but not least, the man who has been a thorn in my side for the last few months, one of the four men who I will face at Wrestlefest for the IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Championship, the same man who I beat at Christmas Madness for the same title..... [Hightower and Eric Travers once again exchange sneers, and it almost looks as if Hightower is about to gag at the mention of Eric's name.] ERIC TRAVERS-Okay let's forget the fact that "Epic" Eric Travers is the most annoying, the whiniest, the most pathetic piss tank that the I/W has ever seen. Despite those things Eric Travers is an accomplished wrestler, there's no denying that. But Travers if you think you're gonna make another accomplishment by once again becoming the world champ, think again! [Hightower clears his throat while he starts to open the envelope.] Hightower; Anyways let's get this out of the way and see who the loser is, because let's face it all four in this category are losers!! The Runner Up, is Johnny Spades... The loser....*ahem*...excuse me I meant to say the winner of Heel of the Half Year is..... "EPIC" ERIC TRAVERS!! [The crowd boo, but most of the wrestlers applaude as Eric Travers stands up at his table and the Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet play "Epic" by Faith No More. Travers gets a kiss on the cheek from Tricia Lane, who is wearing a shiny gold dress that hugs her every curve, and seems to accentuate her features. Travers wears a black tux with gold bowtie, and matching gold cumberbund. Travers makes his way up the steps and approaches the podium. Hightower places the award on the podium and backs away, allowing Travers to stand behind the microphone.] Eric Travers: Well... This is one of those awards that make you proud. I mean, when you've completely earned the disdain of the idiots in the stands, you've truly accomplished something. I know that I'm booed, and hated, purely out of jealousy, but it still warms my heart. [Travers smiles as the fans in attendance boo him again.] Eric Travers: Winning this award does prove one thing I've been saying for a long time. I've said time and again that it takes charisma to get anywhere in wrestling, and it takes charisma to be hated THIS much by the fans. Winning this award proves that I am indeed the most charasmatic wrestler in the IWF/WOW. {Looks over at Hightower] You understand how that works bitch? [Travers flashes an arrogant smile, as the cat calls continue from the back. Hightower looks as though he needs to be restrained.] Eric Travers: In closing... Yes, I'm keeping this short, because I'm sure I'll be up here again later... In closing I'd like to thank all of you for your... "Support", and I'm sure I'll be thanking you all again in August at the next Golden Turnbuckles. Until then, I hope you enjoy WrestleFest tomorrow night, where you're going to see yours truly, and my new friend steal the show and me win back the IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Championship. [The crowd boo some more as The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet begin to play "Epic" by Faith No More again. Travers leaves the stage, blowing a kiss at Hightower as he passes him.] [Anthony Edwards moves back up to the podium.] Anthony Edwards: Damn Travers, can't you at least stay out of trouble for ONE night? I thought for sure a fight was going to break out up here. Let's keep things civil guys, c'mon now. [The camera catches Travers with his arms out to the side, shrugging in an "I guess not" kind of way.] Anthony Edwards: Ladies and Gentlemen, our next presenter epitomizes our next award, Face of the Half-Year. After a conspicuous absence following Summer Explosion V, he has returned one half-year later to make you laugh, smile, cry, and cringe with delight as he has since his debut into the IWF/WOW in April 1999. Please welcome to the Golden Turnbuckles, former IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Champion... Razor Ron Jeremy! (After a subtle gasp from certain members of the audience, the Jazz Octet plays "Daterape" by Sublime and for the first time in six months Razor Ron Jeremy slowly walks out to the podium, and a couple of members in the audience stand. RRJ hasn't changed much...still has shoulder-length curly brown hair, a handlebars mustache, a big happy smile, and a gut to fill out his Christian Dior tuxedo with a Jonny Bravo cummerbund...specially made. After RRJ stands at the podium a while and waves like the president at an inauguration ball, everyone in the audience is on their feet clapping for the former World Champion. RRJ blushes at the ovation.) Razor Ron Jeremy: Thank you, thank you...come on sit down guys. (The audience sits.) RRJ: It's wonderful to see everyone here tonight. Geez, I haven't seen some of you in 6 damn months! (RRJ pauses. The audience applauds.) RRJ: This is already bringing back a whole lot of memories. Now that the I/W has all this new talent, new leadership, and new champions coming in, I don't think anybody really cares to know what old Razor Ron Jeremy has been up too...but I'll tell you anyway. I was in the Orient filming Stack Flask 2 with Eric Roberts and Bai Ling. Go see it, June 8th 2001...I play an alligator with rhino horns that shots tranquilizers at the peasants and travels through time and tries to bring Communism back to China. (Some chuckles.) RRJ: Oops, I just spoiled the ending. Anyway, I arrive back to North America and see that we've had 3 different World Champions, possibly 4 after WrestleFest; new names like Elijah Flynt, Trevor Redding, Johnny Spades...then a bunch of old farts like Travers, West, Thranton, Cooper, Prophet, and myself. (More chuckles...the stalwarts RRJ mentioned look at each other and agree with what RRJ said.) RRJ: It's a great dichotomy of talent. Plus I had heard that ol' CJ came back to help out Mr. Ishikawa! How am I supposed to keep up with the times? I feel like a Bears fan. Well, I just wanted to say that, in the little time I had to work with Mr. Jurky before he left the I/W to Bill Foster to use as his own personal urinal cake, I think the team of Jurkschat and Ishikawa, no matter how much they squabble, will make a great team; and for Travers, Flynt, Thranton, and the Prophet, Chris Jurkschat is the greatest ass-picking lovey dovey co-President of all time. (Travers, Flynt, Thranton, and the Prophet all crack up...everyone else looks at them wondering what the hell is so funny to them.) RRJ: I'm here tonight to present you with the Best Face award for the period of September 1st through the present time. These nominees this evening play by the rules, please the crowd every match, and make more profit in merchandise than the bad guys. We've been called everything from legends, to girly sissies. 3 of our nominees make up "The Fraternity," and one of our nominees used to be known as "PoP." (Chuckle from the audience. Shot of Alex Cote.) RRJ: I'll bet there's a bear trap waiting backstage for me, I was kidding Al! Anyway the nominees are... "Countdown" Chris Carter... "The Hammer" Alex Cote... I remember Hammer. "Too legit! Too legit to quit HEY HAY!!!" ahem...."Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn... And Mr. Pronoun himself...Hightower... (RRJ opens the envelope.) RRJ: The runner up is Hightower... (RRJ pulls out a second card) RRJ: And the winner is... What? Who the hell is Upan Dildapo? (The crowd is flabbergasted. Elijah Flynt stands up and yells to the stage.) ELIJAH FLYNT: Turn th' fookin' letter aroun', ye got it arse-backwards! RRJ: Oh...Thanks! The winner is...(RRJ turns the letter around) CHARLIE VAHN!!! [The crowd erupts into applause and loud cheers as "Vigilante" is played by the Squaky McQueen Jazz Octet, and as the camera immediately turns from "Razor" Ron Jeremy who is now dancing, to the favored winner "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn. With Martini at hand, she gives Charlie Vahn a quick peck on the lips, and they both proceed down the isle to receive the award. Vahn has looked as "Smooth" since Summer Explosion 2000. Tonight, he wears a three-piece mobster outfit consisting of a black coat, purple vest, white collar-shirt, black trenchcoat, black and white Al Capone hat, and a pair of new shiney Rockport boots. Although the "Smooth Criminal" may look like smashing, the real treat is just to the right of him. Martini wears a shimmering black low-cut dress with all assorted gems and jewelery worn to impress the at home female award dress critics. The duo walk up to the podeum, hug the presenters and look out to the more than pleased crowd in attendance.] Charlie Vahn: Oh man....WHAT THE HELL'S UP? [Audience applauses and cheers.] Charlie Vahn: It's definitely more than an honor to receive this Golden Turnbuckle. Oh jeez, there are so many people I wanna thank but that little time thingy on the screen is ticking down fast so here goes... I'd personally like to thank three very special guys. If it had not been for them, Martini and myself would not be accepting this award. I'd like to thank Mr. Matthew Soroky, Mr. Anthony Barkodarian, and a personal friend and a fan of my own, Mr. Brett Ralston! [Audience applauses] Charlie Vahn: I'd also like to thank Cooper Concrete, Kelly James, Hades, James Monosso, John Van Mann, "Hellraiser" John Grenchen, Fusion.... [Audience applauses] Charlie Vahn: And three very special people to thank over anyone else... I'd like to thank Mr. Razor Ron Jeremy, co-President Chris Jurkschat, and a very very SPECIAL THANKS to co-President Chad Ishikawa for signing me into the IWF/WOW and helping to make the "Smooth Criminal" Charlie Vahn your new Half-Face of the year. Don't forget to catch Wrestlefest V and the IC Belt tournament where the "Smooth Criminal" will finally catch the IC gold. Why ya'll ask? [Vahn and Martini grin as they look into the camera.] Charlie Vahn and Martini: CAUSE ALL OUR FANS ARE JUST.... <><***TOO DAMN SMOOTH***><> [The audience gives one final standing ovation as Charlie Vahn and Martini waves and head back to their seats. Edwards makes his way back up to the podium.] Anthony Edwards: A very deserving win for Charlie Vahn. We have to take a break. There's still much more to come, including the Hall of Fame inductions, and Wrestler of The Half Year. Stay tuned!! [The camera fades to a commercial for WrestleFest 2001] IWF/WOW WRESTLEFEST V - March 4th, 2001 e-mail iwfwow@softhome.net to order!! [HIGH-FLYING GRUDGE MATCH!] November vs Suicidal Tendency [6-MAN WILD CARD ACTION!] Cooper Concrete/Magnus Colby/Toshio vs Steve West/Justin Arcola/Gemini [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - SEMI-FINALS!] Johnny Spades vs Sean Eden [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - SEMI-FINALS!] Charlie Vahn vs Shane St. Clair [SLEDGE'S IWF/WOW RETURN!] Johnny Sledge vs Steven Erickson [IWF/WOW NORTH AMERICAN TITLE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!] Trevor Redding vs Alex Cote vs Chris Carter [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - LADDER MATCH FINALS!] Winner of Spades/Eden vs Winner of Vahn/St. Clair [MAIN EVENT - FOUR CORNERS IWF/WOW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH] Hightower vs Eric Travers vs Elijah Flynt vs Jeremy Thranton ~ SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: The Prophet ~ All wrestlers BANNED from ringside! ~ First pinfall wins the match ============================================================== More in Part 2!!! ============================================================== [The camera fades back in to the hall, and then switches to the podium where Anthony Edwards stands.] Anthony Edwards: The next award to be presented is Feud of the Half Year. Here tonight to present the award is our very beautiful Ring Announcer, Francine!!! [The crowd cheer, and there are a lot of whistles from the guys, and a few wrestlers as Francine walks out to the podium. She is wearing a stunning black dress, and heels, and looks a little nervous as she reaches the podium. Francine begins to read the teleprompter.] Francine: The award for Feud of the Half Year will be presented to two men who despise each other, who loathe each other. Two men who can never get enough of beating each other over the head with a chair, and it's usually my chair. The award will go to the two men with the most hate for each other in their hearts... So basically this means anyone in the IWF/WOW and Eric Travers. [There is a bit of laughter from the crowd.] Francine: The nominees for Feud of the Half Year are... Eric Travers vs Elijah Flynt [Clips are shown of their incredible Mayhem match that went to a 30 minute draw] Francine: Eric Travers and Elijah Flynt began their feud right after Christmas Madness, and it has not only been entertaining in the ring, but also entertaining when they're talking trash. Charlie Vahn vs Chris Fisher [Clips are shown from their battles for the Intercontinental Championship from late 2000.] Francine: Charlie Vahn and Chris Fisher were bitter enemies, fighting over the Intercontinental Title. Who came out on top? Who's still here? [Francine smiles and the camera shows Vahn giving the thumbs up] Eric Travers vs Jeremy Thranton [Clips are shown from their battle on mayhem, and Thranton's attack outside the Mayhem Arena the week before.] Francine: This feud was three years in the making. Travers says Thranton held him back because he was scared. Thranton says Travers is full of crap... Funny, that's what most people say. Anyways, Thranton and Travers fought a ferocious battle on Mayhem, and this feud shows no signs of slowing down. Eric Travers vs Hightower [Clips are shown from the Best of 7 Match Series that ended at Christmas madness with Hightower winning the World Title.] Francine: Travers and Hightower have been fighting over the IWF/WOW World Title since November. Their Best of 7 Match series was only the beginning of this heated feud. [Francine opens the envelope, and reads the cards] Francine: The runner up is Eric Travers vs Jeremy Thranton. The winner of the Golden Turnbuckle for Feud of the Half Year is... Eric Travers vs Hightower!!!! [The room applaudes as The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet break out into their version of "Trip Like I Do" by Filter/Crystal Method. Hightower walks up to the podium, appearing shocked that he won an award. He stands up at the podium, looking out across the room at the reporters and his fellow peers, and slowly but surely a smile forms on his face.] Hightower: Now correct me if I'm wrong....but I think in all my time here in the IWF/WOW that this is the first actual Golden Turnbuckle award that I have won. I could be wrong.....but either way the feud between myself and Eric Travers was voted as the tops in this business. And with good reason too..... [Hightower looks over at Travers, and they both stare at each other but for the first time ever between the two men, instead of staring at each other with supreme hatred and anger, they are staring at each other with a look of respect. Hightower looks back out towards the room as he continues.] Hightower: It's been no secret.....whether he was "Epic".....or posing as the AoD, myself and Eric Travers started this feud.....oh I'd say about 3 years ago now. It started small, and over the years and built itself up, until finally it exploded into what you all have seen within the last 8 months. Eric Travers took me to the limits or hell and back, just as I took him to the edge. The point is whether you wanted to cheer Eric Travers, or if you wanted to boo Eric Travers.....or if you wanted to cheer me, or if you wanted to boo me.....the fact remained that you fans enjoyed seeing Travers and myself kick the living crap out of each other, and quite frankly, I hope it's not the last. [The crowd applauds as Hightower and Travers once again lock eyes, displaying that same look of respect for each other yet again.] Hightower: There's only one thing about this feud of ours Eric.....at Christmas Madness I finally proved to you and the rest of the haters out there that there was more to Hightower than being young. That Hightower deserved to have his name mentioned amongst champions such as Derrick DaMann and AJ Stanson..... [Hightower pauses, allowing the room to give a pop for the names of both I/W legends DaMann and Stanson.] Hightower:.....but most of all Eric.....I proved to you that I am the better man.....and Wrestlefest, I'll prove it to you yet again! [Hightower stands off to the side as The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet play "Epic" by Faith No More. Travers stands and walks towards the stage. He climbs the steps and walks over to the podium, accepting his trophy from Francine.] Eric Travers: Thanks Fran... By the way, I promise I'll do my best to steal the timekeeper's chair instead of your from now on, cool? [Francine laughs and nods. Travers smiles and looks out at the crowd, then over at Hightower, then back at the crowd again.] Eric Travers: I swear, I'm having deja vu!! Haven't I alrwady been up here with you tonight Hightower? I called you a bitch right? [Travers smiles and Hightower cracks a smile, nodding his head.] Eric Travers: I thought so... Well, standing here again reassures me that I was right, you ARE a little bitch! [Travers laughs, Hightower just shakes his head.] Eric Travers: Well, I was pretty sure I was going to get something in this category, seeing as I was nominated three times, once with every opponent from WrestleFest. I don't know that that's neccessarily a GOOD thing, but it's like I said earlier, when you are THIS charasmatic, THIS talented, you're going to incite that kind of reaction from people. I guess it's that, and the fact that I have too much fun insulting people, especially easy targets like my co-winner here Hightower. Eric Travers: Hightower was right when he said that you people enjoyed seeing us... Well, seeing ME kick the crap out of Hightower, but he was wrong about at least one thing. At WrestleFest, Hightower, you DON'T STAND A CHANCE!! You will NOT walk out of WrestleFest the IWF/WOW World Champion, because _I_ will!! And I'll show the world who the winner of this Feud of the Half Year really is!! [Travers points to himself, and then steps back from the podium as The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet play "Epic" by Faith No More. Travers walks off to the side, followed a little after that by Francine, and then Hightower. Anthony Edwards steps back in front of the podium.] Anthony Edwards: Here to present the Golden Turnbuckle for Match of the Half Year is IWF/WOW Hall of Fame member, JEREMY THRANTON!! (There is a mixed reaction, but mostly applause as Jeremy Thranton gets up from his seat and walks casually up to the podium to present the award for Match of the Half Year. Thranton is actually dressed in a tuxedo, and his hair is slicked back and tied in a ponytail, instead of looking like a rat's nest as usual. ( ; He is also wearing a pair of black shades. However, the amusedly apathetic look he carries on his scar-ridden face serves to remind the viewer that tuxedo or not, this is still The Equalizer. He walks up to the podium and leans on it heavily, looking out at the audience quizzically before he begins to speak.) Thranton: Well, don't this beat all. The last time I was at the Golden Turnbuckles, I was announcing my "permanent" retirement as I was inducted into the Hall of Fame. (Thranton smirks) In any event, it's nice to be here. I've done this before, but it's been a while, so you'll excuse me if my procedure's a little bit off. So, Match of the Half Year it is. It's too bad they didn't hold off a little bit and have the yearly awards at the normal time, because then we'd be assured of having some of MY matches up for this award, instead of an overdose of Eric Travers and Puff The Magic Champion, Hightower. (Thranton looks straight at Hightower as he delivers this attempt at humor, giving a mildly amused smirk as he does) In all seriousness, I feel that this is a really important award. Every night all of the wrestlers here...check that...MOST of the wrestlers (looks at Hightower again) go out there and give it their all. It's for a variety of reasons. Maybe they're into the whole "giving the fans their money's worth" bit. Maybe they just want to impress people. Or it could be because they're just damn good. In any event, there are a few matches a year that have a certain magic. Be it the overall talent of the atheletes involved, the presence of a grudge, stipulations or a title, they are the matches that make and break careers, the ones that the fans will remember the participants by long after they have retired. Unfortunately, I haven't had the oppurtunity to really have any matches of this caliber since I've returned to the federation. They've either been ill-advised "wild card" matches, or they've been interrupted by a few certain rejects with a fetish for swinging foreign objects during my matches. THAT is something that is going to be remedied come the 4th of March. But, I don't want to get off on a rant here. There will be plenty of time for that later. The nominees for Match of the Half Year are.... (Thranton pauses for a second) Eric Travers vs Elijah Flynt, 30 minute time limit draw on the January 15th Mayhem. (The camera focuses on the audio screen behind the podium as it replays a highlight from the match) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jim Robson: Hernandez stops the count!!! ELIJAH FLYNT WITH A FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! [ Mega crowd pop for Flynt. ] Jack Anderson: Damn... [ Travers with another pickup, but is met with a stiff elbow to the gut. Travers responds by pushing Elijah face first into the corner... the Brit slumps over the top buckle. ] Jim Robson: Travers from behind... sets Flynt on top... Jack Anderson: We're going to see some damn fine workmanship from Travers right here, I guarantee you it! Jim Robson: And "Epic" Eric Travers climbs up as well... both are on top! Travers locks in a facelock... hooks the tights... SUPERPLE... NO!!! FLYNT BLOCKS!!! Another attempt by Travers... ANOTHER BLOCK!!! [ The crowd is going nuts. ] Jack Anderson: Come on Eric, you're better than this street trash... hell, you're better than Hightower or that other street urchin, Thranton!!! SHOW 'EM WHAT YOU GOT MY MAN!!! [ With that, Elijah Flynt slides out of the facelock... more popping. ] Jim Robson: REVERSE FULL NELSON!!! HE'S GOING TO TAKE TRAVERS DOWNTOWN AND RIGHT INTO CANVAS CITY!!!!!!!!!!! [ The crowd takes it up a notch and goes utter apesh*t. ] Jack Anderson: FFFFFF*********CCCCCCCKKKKKKKK ME!!! [ Elijah with the reverse full nelson still applied, and Travers unable to escape, spins around... towards both Robson and Anderson's direction.] Jim Robson: HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY!!!!!!! NO FLYNT, NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [ Possibly the biggest pop IWF/WOW has seen in along time from its fans... as Elijah leaps forward with the reverse full nelson still applied and sends both he and Travers through the announcing table, breaking it with authority. ] * F'N HUGE CRASH! * Jack Anderson: My gawd... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (The screen goes blank again before Thranton reads the next nominee, as the crowd cheers in response to the highlight clip) Hightower vs Steve West, Triple Tower of Terror, WrestleWar 2000. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Slowly but surely Steve West gets back to his feet and goes to climb back up the ladder, but this time he is followed up theladder by Hightower, and the two end up climbing back up to the top of the ladder and they start throwing everything they have at each other.] Jim Robson: My gawd both men are at the top of the ladder, they are throwing all they got...punches, headbutts, chops...EVERYTHING!!! Jack Anderson: Jesus how much more can these two take?? I mean for crying out...oh jesus Jim look at that ladder it looks like it's gonna fall!! Jim Robson: Oh crap! [The ladder teeters as Hightower and Steve West continue to throw punches and chops and headbutts at each other, both men refusing to give up. The crowd is cheering very loudly for both men as they continue to battle on top of the ladder.] Jack Anderson: THIS IS FREAKIN' INSANE!!!!! [Finally after a headbutt that connects to the temple of Steve West, he gets very dazed and starts to fall backwards. Hightower has a sudden look of panic on his face as he scrambles forward to try to catch West, and then the ladder falls over, sending Hightower falling violently to the scaffold, and Steve West not only falls off the ladder, but falls right through one of the tables set up on the outside of the ring, which is over 50 feet below. The crowd gives a shocked gasp as West lays motionless on the concrete floor with table parts scattered around him, and Hightower is barely motionless on the scaffolding as the referee administers a 10 count to verify the winner of the match.] Jim Robson: HOLY SH*T...DID YOU SEE THAT....MY GAWD.....I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! Jack Anderson: IS HIGHTOWER OKAY? MORE IMPORTANTLY IS WEST OKAY?!?!?! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (Thranton gives a somewhat disbelieving shake of the head before he speaks again, as the crowd applauds the bump.) Thranton: Hey, Hightower. The next time you throw West from 50 feet in the air, throw him face first. Maybe that way we won't have to listen to him lecture about his legendary status anymore. (Thranton smirks again before continuing) Hightower vs Eric Travers - best of 7 series - Ending CM 2000 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Robson and Anderson get out of the way as Travers rolls Hightower onto the newly replaced table. Travers climbs up on the table as well, dragging Hightower to his feet and scream in his face..."HEY HIGHTOWER HOW ABOUT EYE FOR AN EYE!!!" and Travers sets Hightower up for either a Piledriver or some similar move.] Jim Robson: TRAVERS IS GONNA PUT TOWER THROUGH OUR TABLE......GEE WE JUST GOT IT FIXED DAMNIT!!! Jack Anderson: Yes revenge is a dish best served through a table!! HAHA!!! Jim Robson: Is Travers going to do it? YES HE IS.....PEDIGREE BY TRAVERS AND THE TABLE BREAK UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THE TWO WRESTLERS!!! [The crowd boo's Travers heavily as he gets up to his feet, but stanbds over Hightower glaring at him, a look of mixed emotions crossing the face of Travers as he holds off on his assault on the IC Champ. Then he Hightower rolls over onto his back, a smile escapes the face of Travers as he see's the blood covered face of Hightower.] Jim Robson: HIGHTOWER'S BEEN BUSTED OPEN AND HE IS BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!!!! Jack Anderson: THIS IS IT...IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO FINISH HIM OFF ERIC!!!!!!! [Eric Travers picks up Hightower and throws him into the ring, following him in and pinning the bloodied HT.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (The screen goes blank once again as the crowd cheers) Thranton: Of course, this was then followed by Travers losing his fourth fall in one night to Hightower, which might just go down in the books as the single most pitiful moment in the history of wrestling. Hey Eric, stop whining. After that display, you should be happy you even have a job with his company. (Thranton nods his head in Travers' direction before reading the last nominee) Hades vs "Razor" Ron Jeremy vs James Monosso - Triple Threat World Title - SE 2000 (The screen turns into an image of the match for the final time) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jim Robson: NO! NO! RRJ stopped taking off Bootie and dropkicked Hades in the face! RRJ is pummelling Hades! Jack Anderson: Monosso nails RRJ from behind with a double axe handle! Monosso picks up RRJ... THE GET-OUT-OF-HERE! He tossed RRJ over the ropes to the floor! Jim Robson: Monosso executes the Spiral into Madness on Hades! He picks up Hades... THE HANGMAN SUBMISSION! Jack Anderson: He's working on the neck. Jim Robson: RRJ is back in the ring! CLOTHESLINE ON MONOSSO! RRJ places Hades in the Tree of Woe! RRJ is stomping on Hades! Monosso attacks RRJ! Monosso slams RRJ's head into the top turnbuckle. Monosso tosses RRJ across the ring. NO! Reversal! STINGER SPLASH ON MONOSSO! STINGER SPLASH ON HADES! Jack Anderson: NO! HADES FREED HIMSELF! RRJ MISSED! Jim Robson: Hades applies a surfboard submission on Monosso! Monosso is trying to hold on! Jack Anderson: Hades going for a submission win. Jim Robson: Hades releases Monosso and executes a front face slam on RRJ! Hades goes back at Monosso... HEAD AND ARM SUPLEX! Hades isn't done. Jack Anderson: Hades with a running bulldog on Monosso! Hades with a spine buster slam on Monosso! RRJ charges Hades... BACK DROP OVER THE TOP ROPES TO THE FLOOR! WIDOWMAKER ON MONOSSO! HADES COVERS! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (The screen fades back to black with another round of applause by the audience) Thranton: Everyone knows Hades was a buddy of mine, but how on earth did this match even get nominated? None of these guys are even in the fed anymore. Lord. Is this fed's pool of current talent THAT bad? Personally, my vote would have to go to the Travers/Flynt match, but since nobody asked me, I have to open this little envelope here. Just a minute. (Thranton tries to open the envelope delicately, but gets impatient quickly and just rips it open haphazardly and pulls out the card, reads it, pauses for dramatic effect and then announces...) The runner up is Hightower vs Steve West Triple Towers of Terror. The winner of Match Of the Half-Year.... ERIC TRAVERS VS ELIJAH FLYNT! (The crowd applauds appreciately as the winner is announced before Thranton speaks) Thranton: Hey, like I said, they deserve it. But Eric had better cherish it. After March 4th, his ability to work such high impact matches is going to be seriously impaired. So don't go getting cocky now. [The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet launch into their take on "Summer Rain" by U2, as the camera pans to the audience. A tipsy looking Elijah Flynt grins a little cheekily as he stands out like a sore thumb, his clothes are the same damn ones as always; dirty, light-brown, leather trench-coat and underneath, baggy brown dress pants, a cheap white dress shirt, and surprise, a black tie. Everyone else is wearing top notch suits or tux's, their women wearing seductive and breath-taking gowns. Elijah's a contrast... and he gets more than a few chuckles for his appearance. It's obvious the Brit has been dipping into the free booze section as he "falls up" the stage steps. Getting back up, he grins sheepishly and dusts himself off, despite the lack of ... dust. Finally, he takes the GT and makes it to the podium, where he taps the microphone to see if it's working, as the shot of his face is zoomed in on, yeah, he's been drinking... slightly glazed eyes, and other little things that give it away as drunks tend to do.] FLYNT: 'Ello! [Elijah pauses at the "oh" bit and brushes his tongue along his teeth, then takes a finger and pulls a food particle out, which he flicks casually to the luxurious floor.] FLYNT: Um, I really didn't think I'd be up 'ere for no fookin' awardsh or anything like that... so thish ish a shpecial treat fer me! [Smiles somewhat.] FLYNT: Yesh, real fookin' 'onoured... bloody bleedin' 'ell! [Elijah looks down at it, held in his right hand, and it's obvious he's awe-struck, and even two tears begins their way down his face as it sounds almost like he's sobbing.] FLYNT: I tell ye, th' day I thought I'd be 'onoured fer anythin' ne'er crosshed me mind... especially not thish... [Wipes his face dry with his free coat sleeve, sniffling, and also, a heart-felt smile forms.] FLYNT: I mean, look at me, gettin' all emoshional on ye! But th' truth ish that I be very proud... shee, I'm not much of a whreshler, an' t' get this ... well, part of it ... Match o' th' Half Year, I'm thrilled t' no end peeps. I truly thank ye all 'oo voted fer that match, 'cos I be no thinkin' I ever would shee shomethin' like thish... THANK YE!!! [Elijah holds the award up to a round of applause, which swells to people rising to their feet honouring this very fact - the fact that yes, this Brit who knows little in the way of actual wrestling, save for some submission skills, has achieved this award, this Golden Turnbuckle that has his and Eric Travers' name etched in it, for, Match of the Half Year!] FLYNT: I really am at a fookin' lossh ash to 'oo I should thank... well, t' me mate back 'ome, John Donegan... I'll drink me arsh up a storm fer ye!!! Fer th' vote givers'? I'll drink sheveral roundsh t' ye!!! Fer th' blokes 'oo 'ate me, an' despise th' fact that I got this thing? I'll drink, t' forget th' lot of ye!!! [Laughter from the crowd as Elijah grins, then frowns, overcome with a sneer.] FLYNT: Unforshunately, I'm not th' only bashtard up fer thish award, I gotta share it!!! WITH TRAVERS' OF ALL FOOKIN' PEOPLE!!! Blimey. BUGGER!!! I mean, couldn't th' shtaff come up with a syshtem where we each get our own ... [Thrusts the GT to the crowd and points to it.] FLYNT: Wote'er, y'know, a tacky l'il mantle-piece?! Shooo... I shupposh I'll 'and it over to that ego-fooker an' let 'im bitch an' moan an' whine an' bore yer bloody ears off! I'm shure th' berk 'as got some more words of "martyrdom" t' spiel at ush all... [To the side, Anthony Edwards makes a gesture and mouths, "cut it quick" as Elijah, surprisingly, catches it, nodding his acknowledgement.] FLYNT: I'm afraid that'sh all she wrote for me folks... I'm gettin' th' shirk an' th' shank! So yeah, Eric Travers, get yer damn arse up 'ere... enlighten ush all to 'ow much of a wanker ye be... [Elijah rolls his eyes and stumbles off to the side.] [The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet break out into their rendition of "Epic" by Faith No More and Eric Travers stands and makes his way up to the stage. Travers climbs the steps and accepts his trophey from [The Presenter], then takes a moment to glare over at Flynt, who is apparantly beginning to have problems standing due to his inebriation. Travers shakes his head and turns back to face the audience.] Eric Travers: See THIS [points at Flynt] is exactly what I've been talking about for weeks. Is THIS the man you want to see as the World Champion of the IWF/WOW? He's a MESS! [Travers turns to Flynt] Eric Travers: Hey man, can I buy you another drink? A pint of Guiness maybe? Jackass!! [Travers turns back to the crowd, and Flynt flips him off.] Eric Travers: Anyways, you all know that this match won match of the year because _I_ was involved in it. I mean, what else has this limey jackass done in the I/W? Has he had a decent match with ANYBODY else? I don't think anyone else in the IWF/WOW is talented enough to carry the fans' interest to this level when Flynt is involved. He's nothing to look at, and boring as all hell to watch. The complete opposite of me. Dammit, I think I should get HIS trophy too, just for making one of his matches watchable. [Travers turns back to Flynt.] Eric Travers: If you want to take me up on that drink, I'll be right over there. [Travers points in the direction of his table, and Flynt growls something at him.] [The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet plays "Epic" by Faith No More, and Travers leaves the stage. Anthony Edwards stands back in front of the podium.] Anthony Edwards: We have to take a break once again, but when we return we have a very Special Award for former President Will Foster, The Hall of Fame Inductions, and the Golden Turnbuckle for the Wrestler of the Half Year. [The camera fades to another commercial for WrestleFest 2001.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IWF/WOW WRESTLEFEST V - March 4th, 2001 e-mail iwfwow@softhome.net to order!! [HIGH-FLYING GRUDGE MATCH!] November vs Suicidal Tendency [6-MAN WILD CARD ACTION!] Cooper Concrete/Magnus Colby/Toshio vs Steve West/Justin Arcola/Gemini [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - SEMI-FINALS!] Johnny Spades vs Sean Eden [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - SEMI-FINALS!] Charlie Vahn vs Shane St. Clair [SLEDGE'S IWF/WOW RETURN!] Johnny Sledge vs Steven Erickson [IWF/WOW NORTH AMERICAN TITLE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!] Trevor Redding vs Alex Cote vs Chris Carter [IC TITLE TOURNAMENT - LADDER MATCH FINALS!] Winner of Spades/Eden vs Winner of Vahn/St. Clair [MAIN EVENT - FOUR CORNERS IWF/WOW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH] Hightower vs Eric Travers vs Elijah Flynt vs Jeremy Thranton ~ SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: The Prophet ~ All wrestlers BANNED from ringside! ~ First pinfall wins the match ============================================================== The Golden Turnbuckles continue in Part 3!!! ============================================================== [The camera fades in to the hall, and switches to Anthony Edwards standing at the podium.] Anthony Edwards: Up next we have a VERY special award for former president Will Foster. Here to present the award is WOW President Chad Ishikawa!!! [There is a mixed reaction from the crowd, and the camera switches to the management table. Chad sits there, with a scowl on his face, not moving at all.] Anthony Edwards: Uh, Chad? [Ishikawa doesn't move] Anthony Edwards: Mr. Ishikawa, are you going to come up here and make the presentation? [Ishikawa doesn't acknowledge Edwards, he just continues to sit in his seat, looking sour.] Anthony Edwards: He's off in la la land... Must be plotting some sort of revenge. [There is some laughter amongst the wrestlers.] Anthony Edwards: Well, since Mr. Ishikawa doesn't seem to want to come up here, I guess I'll do the honour. [Edwards focuses in on the teleprompter.] Anthony Edwards: In June of 1999, it was announced that Chris Jurkschat was stepping down as IWF President, and director of IWF/WOW Operations. He was not leaving us high and dry, or so we thought, because Chris had hand picked a new president to come in and run the organization. Little did Chris know that after about two months, William Foster would go running for the hills. Running scared from the responsibility that had been bestowed upon him. Not being intelligent enough, hindered by a lack of booking sense, a terrible eye for talent, and not having the testicles to admit he was in over his head, were just a few problems Foster faced. Anthony Edwards: It is my pleasure to present Mr Foster with this special Golden Turnbuckle... [Edwards pulls out a Golden Turnbuckle trophey, that looks like it was made of copper, and placed in an industrial oven and melted.] Anthony Edwards: The first ever Anti-Golden Turnbuckle for WORST President in IWF/WOW History!! [The crowd boo loudly, not at the award, but at Foster.] Anthony Edwards: Surprisingly, Mr Foster could not be with us tonight... I am lead to believe that he is still lying on the basement floor of his mommy's house, tucked in the fetal position, saying, "I can't do it, I can't do it, it's too hard, save me mommy" [There is some mild laughter from the wrestlers in attendance. Edwards is shown chucking the trophy into a garbage can brought on stage by an assitant.] Anthony Edwards: Moving along to something worthwhile... Here tonight to present the award for Biggest Surprise of the Half Year, please welcome... Anthony Edwards!!... Oh crap, I forgot, that's me!! [Edwards' face goes red.] Anthony Edwards: The nominees for Biggest Surprise of the Half Year were surprising. The nominees are... The Return of Chris Jurkschat The Return of Jeremy Thranton The Sudden influx of rookies Cooper Concrete turns heel [Edwards opens the envelope and reads the contents.] Anthony Edwards: The runner up is The Return of Jeremy Thranton. And the winner of the Golden Turnbuckle is... The Return of Chris Jurkschat!! [IWF/WOW President Jurkschat walks up on stage, with a surprised look on his face.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: Thank you, thank you! Wow... I never expected this in a million years. Never. Well, sure, I put together all the results for the Golden Turnbuckles, but I'm still shocked. Wow... [He pulls out a piece of paper from his coat jacket.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: I have this list of people I'd like to thank. - I'd like to thank Jeremy Thranton, for coming back and being your kick ass self. - I'd like to thank Wade Thompson for putting together this kick ass show. - I'd like to thank Cooper Concrete, because everyone knows his heel turn wasn't a surprise. - I'd like to thank all the superstars here in the IWF/WOW. - Finally, I'd like to thank god. I don't know why. I'm not even religious, but it seems all the big stars thank god in their speeches, so why can't I? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [With that, President Jurkschat walks off stage. Edwards returns to the podium.] Anthony Edwards: It's time for tonight's Hall of Fame Inductions. Here to do the first Induction is IWF/WOW Vice President Wade Thompson. [Thompson, a stocky man with a shaved head, walks out on stage dressed in a black tux. He has a plaque in his hands, which he sets down on the podium and opens up a floded sheet of paper.] Wade Thompson: Our first inductee tonight, is a former IWF/WOW World Champion, and a former Intercontinental Champion. He was brash, cocky, but most of all, he was buff, tough, and good lookin'!! Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's first inductee into the IWF/WOW Hall of Fame... THE IDOL!! [The Former IWF/WOW Superstar gets out of his chair and walks towards the podium. As he walks there, he passes several of the new wrestlers of the IWF/WoW which he does not recognize. Idol walks up the steps to the podium with a little limp from his injuries finally coming out from his time in the IWF/WoW. He finally approaches the podium.] Idol: Hel -- lo? [Idol pokes the microphone, and gets blaring, annoying sounds from that action.] Idol: Ah, there we go. Now it works. [Takes another glance of the crowd.] Idol: Where do I begin? The great IWF/WoW which is just one word in everyone's mind: Amazing. Probably had the greatest superstars to grace the ring, ever. From the unstoppable Derrick DaMann to the unpredictable Derrick McMasters. A man who held a title longer than it took than it took Christopher Columbus to sail to America in Christopher Stonebreaker to Mr. Main Event himself, Prophet -- the only man to appear in so many main event pay-per-views in a row in IWF/WoW. Not only the greatest superstars, but the greatest stables from the Inner Circle to their everyday rivals of the Power Alliance. This is what the IWF/WoW so great. [Looks like over the years that the ever-so arrogant Idol has matured.] Idol: I don't think there will be anything like this federation ever again. I want to thank a few individuals personally. First off, I want to thank the now ex-IWF/WOW Superstar Alex Martinez for the great battles we had, even though we never met in the ring once one on one. Thanks for the good old time ... of you chasing me with a chair around arena after arena. [Idol chuckles] The good times ... Thanks for everything, [Idol rubs his back] ... Yeah, thanks for the injuries, the pain, and agony you displaced on me, but for Lady Veronica, it was all worth it. You gave me the toughest challenge while I was in my only federation in the IWF/WoW, I hope some day down the road you can get the same honor that I have gotten from the prominent IWF/WoW. I would like to thank my only buddies in the IWF/WoW to watch my back, the last Power Alliance, AJ Stanson, Nevada, and Ian Jennings. The greatest friends anyone could have. It's just hard to think about you guys anymore ... No one ever got a chance to meet Ian, but I think it was better off that no one did, he was one crazy mother ... my good old drinking buddy. Ian thanks for making our run together exciting even though it was for a few weeks. And of course, AJ Stanson thanks for coming back for one more run with the Power Alliance, without such talent, none of what we did would have happened including my short reign as IWF/WoW World Champion, thanks a million, in more than one way. [Idol slowly rubs his shoulder showing a possible past shoulder injury.] Idol: I also would like to thank to have the opportunity to see the Killing Machines, in my opinion, the best tag team and most underrated tag team in the IWF/WoW, in action. Overkill and Demolisher, thank you. I am completely speechless [For Once] to have this honor to join the IWF/WoW elite, there is nothing I can do or say to compl -- [Idol stops at a loss of words. He begins to rubs his eye and his nose as he sniffs.] Idol: And ... uh ... [Takes a deep breathe.] Idol: Just thank you for everything. This is probably the last time I'm going to say this ... [Another deep breathe] ... I'm Buff, Tough, and Good Lookin' ... And now Retired. [OOC: Thanks alot guys, I truly enjoyed my run here. Thanks mostly go to the big boys of the IWF/WoW, the ones who run the show, Chad and Chris J., and Wade. You guys work hard, which is truly unbelievable how you guys keep producing shows week after week, consistently. My next thanks goes out to no other than the Late Night: Moe (In my opinion, the heart of the LNC), Jawaad, Razi, Francine, Pete, Derrick, Mark S., and Wade (Hey - that's 2 thank you's. ;)) Guys, there is no words can explain how much how fun I had in the IWF/WoW, I truly enjoyed every second of it. I will miss everyone of you, keep up the good work. The IWF/WoW would not be the same without you guys ... you make up the IWF/WoW. Thank you.] [Idol finally sheds a tear as he backs away from the podium and walks away from the podium towards his seat with his half limp. With problems, Idol descends down the stairs, and continues on his path. With a quick glance to the Co-Presidents and Vice-President and then slowly towards the special guest referee of the upcoming WrestleFest main event, the Prophet with a small grin, the Idol walks past his chair and heads towards the exit in the back. The exit door opens and closes and the Idol's shadows leaves the IWF/WoW. Anthony Edwards is once again shown at the podium.] Anthony Edwards: Now to inductee tonight's second inductee, our esteemed President, Mr. Chris Jurkschat. [President Jurkschat walks out, and takse his position at the podium.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: Okay, so it's time to introduce someone into the Hall of Fame. Well, I am hear to induct someone who really made a huge impact here in the IWF/WOW. [He pauses.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: Here is a man who did the impossible... [A brief clip of the 1997 Impendence Day Rumble is shown.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: He lasted ninety-minutes in the first ever Independence Day Rumble to become the first ever IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Champion... [He pauses, as a big smile comes over his face.] PRESIDENT JURKSCHAT: And of course, even more impossible, became the man who ended the big four... ... and of course, created the big _five_!... ... the ANGEL OF DEATH! [The crowd and wrestlers stand in unison and applaude as the camera switches to a table near the front. The camera zooms in on a man, dressed in a black tuxedo, wearing a pair of Oakley M-Frame shades. His hair is crew cut and blond, and as his face comes into sight, he becomes a little more recognizable. He is without his trademark mask, but there is no mistake that this is The Angel of Death. The people at the table stand with him, and he gets a kiss from a beautiful woman beside him, who is his wife and manager Heather. The AoD then shakes hands with two VERY large men. One is Anthony Thomas, and the other is Al Barber who were known as two-timw World Tag Team Champions, Body Count. The AoD then gets a hug from his sister in-law Tricia Lane, and stops to say a few words to Eric Travers. The two are smiling as they shake hands, and Travers pats his mentor on the back as The AoD walks towards the podium. The AoD climbs the steps and is greeted by Chris Jurkschat. The two shake hands, and speak for a few seconds before Jurkschat moves off to the side, and The AoD stands in front of the podium. The crowd continue to cheer for a few seconds before settling down.] AoD: Thank you... It's been a long time since I got an ovation like that, and it's much appreciated. [The AoD pauses and clears his throat.] AoD: I miss the fans, and the atmosphere of the arenas, and it was almost enough to bring me out of retirement a few weeks back. I'm sure you all saw the appearances I made on Mayhem... Very quiet appearances I should say. I was quiet for a reason... After Chris called me and told me I was going to be inducted into the IWF/WOW Hall of Fame, I saw the opportunity I was waiting for. Not only did I have a chance to come here tonight, and accept this induction into the Hall, but also to give my thoughts on The Unholy Alliance, and it's goals. [The crowd boo then mention of the group's name.] AoD: When I was asked to be a part of The Unholy Alliance, I saw a chance to come out and see the fans again. But as things started to roll, all I saw was a group that had formed for all of the wrong reasons. And as a result, The Unholy Alliance can KISS MY ASS!!! [The camera pans the tables where the wrestlers are seated. Some wrestlers are clapping, some are laughing, and The Unholy Alliance look less than enthusiastic.] AoD: It is because of closed minded attitudes like their's that this organizaion nearly closed it's doors late last year. They want to eliminate the new blood of the I/W, and it is that same new blood that are the life force of this great company. It is guys like November, Elijah Flynt, Shane St Clair, Suicidal Tendancy, Johnny Spades, Johnny Sledge, and the list goes on, that keep people tuning in every week. The Unholy Alliance don't even have half the talent they'd need to keep this new generation down. The Unholy Alliance is a lost cause, a bad idea, and something I refuse to be a part of, and tarnish my image or beliefs. [The crowd and the wrestlers, especially the younger ones, stand and applaude, except for the Unholy Alliance.] AoD: Now that I have THAT off my chest, I'd like to talk about this great honour of being inducted into the I/W Hall of Fame. [The AoD pauses and clears his throat once again.] AoD: I feel honoured to have been a part of the IWF/WOW since the beginning. Not only the I/W, but also having been an original member of the IWF. I spent the better part of 4 years in this organization, fighting alongside the likes of Derrick DaMann, The Prophet, Martin Richards, Jeremy Thranton, AJ Stanson, Rob Magnum, RedBack, and again the list goes on. I wrestled against some of the best talent in the world, and I am a better man for it. AoD: I still remember back to the first IWF Summer Explosion, and it absolutely amazes me to see what we were all like back then. The IWF had just opened it's doors, and there we were, young, enthusiastic, all doing our best to make the company thrive. It is amazing to me to see the improvement in all of us as that first year progressed, right up until the merger with the WOW. At the time, it was hard to believe we were merging with another federation. It seemed hardly neccessary, but then... Then the company really began to thrive. The level of competition was amazing, and I for one was the better for it. In order to compete with the best of the best, as I wanted to, I had to push myself to levels I never believed possible. AoD: Chris touched on the ID4 Rumble in July of 1997, and the "Big 4" becoming the "Big 5"... Considering the term "Big 4" was one used by the wrestlers, and never actually acknowledged by the managemnet of the organization at the time, it is flattering to hear Chris mention the "Big 4" and "Big 5" here tonight. AoD: I remember those days, early in 1997, when Jeremy Thranton, AJ Stanson, Derrick DaMann, and The Prophet were all competeting to become the first unified IWF/WOW World Champion. As The Prophet and Thranton fought over the WOW World Title, and DaMann and Stanson over the IWF version, I was on the undercard... A former IWF US Champion, a finalist in the tournament to crown an Intercontinental champion, and caught in a feud with Johnny Skiles that lasted 3 months. Each and every night I got to sit back and watch the best 4 wrestlers in the organization compete with each other, all the while working my ass off to hoepfully one day join that elite group. AoD: My chance came on July 4th, 1997. After the first End of the World, the IWF/WOW World Title stood vacant... Unclaimed after a controversial finish, and now everyone on the roster had a shot at the belt. I knew that this was the time... This was when I had to step up and get the job done. I trained my ass off, preparing for each and every possibility, including drawing number one in the ID4 Rumble. The night came, and I drew my number... And wouldn't you know it... Of the 40 possible numbers, I drew number one. After I drew the number one position, I went and did the only thing I could... I went and preparred for the match. I still remember standing in the waiting area, looking at the curtain, and telling myself to go out there and give it everything I had. I still remember hearing the ring announcer begin his introduction, and then my music playing, and stepping through the curtain to the cheers of the crowd. I still remember the next 90 minutes as clear as day... My gawd that was a LONG match!! [There are some chuckles from the wrestlers.] AoD: The end of the match... The moment I tossed The Prophet over the top rope and to the floor, I did not feel how tired I was. I was running on pure adrenaline at that point, and I was on cloud 9. The referee handed me the title, and I heard the announcement... "Your winner, and NEW IWF/WOW World Heavyweight Champion, The Angel of Death". It was at that point, that everything I had done, all of the work I had done to make myself better, had all been worth it, and there was nothing... Absolutely nothing that could happen from that day on that would ruin what I had accomplished. I had also reached the top rung of the ladder, and nothing could top that... [The AoD pauses and looks around the room.] AoD: That was until now. Words cannot describe how honoured I am to have been inducted into the IWF/WOW Hall of Fame. To now have my name in the Hall of Fame, along side names like AJ Stanson, Derrick DaMann, Jeremy Thranton, Christopher Stonebreaker, and everyone else is more than I ever expected I would accomplish. AoD: I would like to say thank you to all of you... Thank you to all of the wrestlers I fought against, fought along side, and shared the company with. None of this would mean anything without the rest of you, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. AoD: To those of you that are here now... Good luck to you all. Work hard, but most importantly, enjoy your time in this great organization. There are none like it anywhere in the world. Companies that last more than 4 years don't come along every day. Companies like the IWF/WOW are special, and as I said before, I am proud to have been a founding member, and I am proud to see what this organization has become. Thank you. [The crowd rise to their feet as the AoD holds up his commemerative plaque, and waves to the crowd. The AoD once again shakes hands with Chris Jurkschat, and then Anthony Edwards, before making his way down the stairs. The AoD accepts the hand shakes of current and former wrestlers as he walks back to his table. Anthony Edwards stands waiting at the podium.] ======================================================================== CONCLUDED IN PART 4!!!! ======================================================================== Anthony Edwards: And up next to present the Wrestler of the Half-Year, a man who by rights, should have been nominated himself, but I assure you, he bares no malice... heh heh heh, or at least I hope not any ways! [Tony puts up a hand to make like he's telling people not to laugh, and, nobody does.] Anthony Edwards: I have many words I could say about these fine athletes contesting for this prestigious award, but I think I'll leave that in the hands of a man who he himself knows what's it like to step into that squared circle night after night... ladies and gentlemen... E L I J A H F L Y N T!!! [A massive around of applause bubbles forth as "The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet" play a rousing rendition of U2's "Summer Rain". Various superstars, their friends, and families, continue to applaud as the camera pans around... and on the looks of each face, you can sense that "look" - as in, "where the hell is he?!".] Anthony Edwards: Umm... Elijah, I know you're here... You're the only one with the winning envelope... [Tony appears nervous, as do some of the wrestlers and their kin. Relief forms across their faces as Elijah holds up a barely visible hand from the far back... as he parts his way through the crowd, a few *gasp's* and *oh my's* percolate forth, the vast majority of wrestlers and their wives, kids, close personal friends, I/W employee's looking absolutely horrified and in disbelief; Elijah Flynt is quite visibly drunk as can be. In his left hand he carries a bottle of Scotch; which he almost spills all over Mr. and Mrs. Jurkschat, apologizing profusely in his inebriated condition and which, thankfully, none spilled. Stumbling forward and beyond the embarrassment of the Co-President and his lady, Elijah pauses in the space between the tables and stage... where he takes a giant swig from the bottle. His clothes are well, frankly, the sad old attire he always wears... only a little sadder looking in his condition; dirty light-brown leather trench-coat overlapping a pair of baggy brown dress pants and a dirty white dress shirt and black tie... but with the adding bearing of spilt alcohol, ashes from cigarettes, etc.] Anthony Edwards: Ummm... ladies and gentlemen... Elijah Flynt... good lord! [A stunned Tony shakes his head as Elijah wobbles up the stairs and onto the stage, and finally, after the umpteenth rendition of "Summer Rain", The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet wrap up and catch their collective breath.] FLYNT: ... [Elijah speaks as Anthony points him to the podium, with the Brit nodding his thanks. Taking a guzzle of Scotch, Elijah leans bleary-eyed atop the podium and speaks with a VERY alcohol-induced speech pattern.] FLYNT: Thanksh fer th' pointer, ta, y'know. Right... well, I'm th' fookin' bloke that getsh t' give ye th' ... th' ... th' ... [Pauses as he mulls it over, snapping his fingers and licking his lips, obviously suffering from some "pasty sensation", so he downs some more Scotch, then lights up a cigarette to boot, while a few in the crowd just shake their heads. Taking a deep breath of nicotine air.] FLYNT: Yesh, th' best damn bleedin' wreshler o' th' half fookin' year thinga-ma-fooka... [He looks pleased with this description as he sucks back some smoke.] FLYNT: An' before I get t' namin' th' blokes 'oo are up fer this damn fine prestigious bullshite award... I got me a few things I'd like t' say... [Sets the cigarette between his lips as he staggers backwards and reaches into the right side coat pocket... pulling out a crumpled sheet of paper, only to have it fall on the floor; staring at it in disbelief. Elijah then takes the podium as best he can.] FLYNT: Ooopsh... sho much fer fookin' that... right, where were we... [Cue collective groan from the audience.] FLYNT: Right, shum shtoopid arse shite about fookin' th' whreshler o' th' year? 'Oo'd do a fooked up thing like that? [Elijah shakes his head incredulously as he puffs away on his cig, then shucks back a dose of Scotch for good measure. He smiles as he scratches his stubbled cheek.] FLYNT: Reminds me of a damn fine drinkin' song... sorta... It was on th' good ship Venus By Christ, ya shoulda seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed An' th' mast, a mammoth penis Th' captain of this lugger 'E was a dirty bugger 'E wasn't fit to shovel shit From one place to another [Those with children cover their precious little ears as Elijah carries a drunken tune by himself.] FLYNT: Oooohhhhhh............. Friggin' in th' riggin' Friggin' in th' riggin' Friggin' in th' riggin' There was fook all else to do ... 'Cept friggin' in th' riggin'! Th' first mate's name was Morgan By Christ, 'e was a gorgon Ten times a day sweet tunes 'e'd play On 'is fucking organ Th' first mate's name was Cooper By Christ, 'e was a trooper 'E jerked an' jerked until 'e worked 'Imself into a stupor Friggin' in the riggin' Friggin' in the riggin' Friggin' in the riggin' There was fook all else to do! [Elijah, sets the bottle of Scotch down, grabs the microphone from the podium, ripping it from its moorings, and begins to stumble and sing all over the stage... even pointing a cigarette hand to The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet; telling them to join in ... or else! Most wrestlers, their families, are quite aghast.] FLYNT: 'Old on, let's give it some bollocks now......... Th' second mate was Andy By Christ, 'e 'ad a dandy Till they crushed 'is cock on a jagged rock Fer cumming in th' brandy Th' cabin boy was Flipper 'E was a fooking licker 'E stuffed 'is ass with broken glass An' circumcised th' skipper Friggin' in th' riggin' Friggin' in th' riggin' Friggin' in th' riggin' There was fook all else to do Th' Captain's wife was Mabel T' fook she was not able So th' dirty shits, they nailed 'er tits Across th' whole table Th' Captain 'ad a daughter 'Oo fell in deep sea water An' by 'er squeals we knew th' eels 'Ad found 'er sexual quarters Friggin' in the riggin' Friggin' in the riggin' Friggin' in the riggin' There was fook all else to do! [As Elijah finishes his solo performance, aided reluctantly by The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet, he chuckles to himself as he swaggers and staggers to the podium, but more precisely, the bottle beside the podium; which he lifts up and tugs back on... taking a puff off his cig, he looks at it and realizes it's the filter, so he tosses it aside and lights another up in its steed. The crowd is, by and large, astonished, shocked, and completely disgusted with Elijah's "song", and frankly, the man himself.] FLYNT: Bleedin' 'ell that's a right fookin' classic! Aye, brings a tear o' laughter t' me eye e'erytime. Bless 'em Sex Pistols... [Wipes a mock tear, then consumes some more Scotch and smoke... and gets the look of "what am I doing here?". A span of a blank look on the average of thirty seconds before Elijah continues...] FLYNT: Oooohhhh yeah, whreshler o' th' year. Bugger! I got an award t' give out... uh, th' winner is... [Elijah digs inside his coat as Anthony Edwards cautiously walks beside him and whispers something for his ears only. Elijah drunkenly nods his head as the broadcaster speaks, then the Brit turns back to the tables and suits, tuxedoes, and glamour dresses of the crowd.] FLYNT: Uh, I've just bin informed 'at we got ourselves a selection o' bastards 'oo are up fer this piece o' shite award... th' Golden Turnbugger... or ish that bastard, or somethin' elsh? [Elijah looks VERY confused, then waves it off.] FLYNT: Ah, ne'ermind... it'sh th' fookin' whreshler o' th' bleedin' year... first we got a couple a scrubs an' th' rest three men I loathe an' despise... wot a fookin' joke this is!!! [Elijah slams his fist down on the podium.] FLYNT: I look at names like "Method Man" Chris Fisher an' Trevor Redding, an' I think t' meself... 'ow'd these pieces o' shitey twattin' wankin' scum even get nominated?! BUGGER!!! Makes no fookin' sense t' me! I mean, sure, if one 'as nominatin' on th' basis that Redding's birds were worth a shag... but even then?! Bollocks! An' Chris Fisher... suckle me cock!!! Yer not even in our company ye fookin' bastarding sod!!! [Elijah tries to unzip his trousers but fails, so he merely thrusts his groin towards the nearest camera-operator.] FLYNT: An' outta me gourd or no, I know th' next three are th' most likely t' win... but they be pretentioush wankers all th' shame!!! 'Ightower... HAH! Piss on 'im I say! Champ won't be champ much bloody longer as long as I'm aroun' t' shay shomething about it!!! That's all th' verbal shite ye get from me on "champ"... [Hightower shakes his head. Forgetting he has a cigarette burning, Elijah's brow dawns with realization and so commences to puff furiously away at his new found distraction.] FLYNT: Next we got Johnny "I'm so cool 'cos I bash bastards with a fookin' shovel" Spades. Ooooh, big fookin' man... [Elijah gestures with his hands, drunkenly; with no patter nor rhyme.] FLYNT: Yeah, I shuppose anyone could be called a great fookin' whreshler o' th' 'alf year if all ye did was beat lame arse gits 'oo provide no damn challenge... or if yer major talent is shwingin' shome namby-pamby furniture, appliance, whate'er around... Yeah, big wins Spadey boy!!! Feel like a REAL fookin' man don't ye? Ye waste o' a good fook ye shtoopid DNA shample!!! [Spades, quite literally stands up but is brought down by St. Clair and Arcola; his "Franchise Player" stablemates.] FLYNT: Yeah, act all fookin' tough with yer pissy l'il mates, Johnny boy... be a "man", get that testosterone pumpin' out yer arse! Yer a one trick pony 'oo can't provide no more tricks... git! [Elijah spits at Johnny's direction, once more to the disbelief of the crowd.] FLYNT: As fer th' next Colonial Catastrophe... well, what else can be said about Eric "Mr. Epic" Travers? One, e's a bastard. Two, e's a fookin' Canuck 'oo shags sheep, moose, an' caribou! Three, 'e buggers about like a pretentious l'il crybaby 'oo don't get 'is fookin' way ... "wah wah wah"... so bad... sho fookin' shad... [Elijah gives the finger to Travers, multiple times; for in his drunken mind, the more times he flashes that middle digit, the funnier it is... thing is, no-one's laughing.] FLYNT: Ye could take shome lesshons with Johnny "I've just been spaded" Spades... on 'ow t' be a real fookin' man! Yeah, shuck up all 'at pissy, bitchy, moany, shite an' take life's punches an roll wit' 'em... don't piss about whinin' 'bout 'ow ye done been made a bleedin' martyr!!! One reason why you ruined us th' first fookin' time ye been champ... I can't stress thish enough... yer a fookin' LLLLOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHEEEERRRRR!!!! [Elijah makes a drunken, stumbling, L with his fingers, somewhere near his forehead. Basically, Travers just shakes his head and chuckles at Elijah making a fool of himself.] FLYNT: Yeah, ye look so damn fookin' smug don't ye? BASHTURD!!! In a couple o' days time, I'll make shure me foot ish firmerly up yer nethers... an' that ye don't be stinkin' us with yer foul smelly shite! No more from ye... [Elijah sort of realizes he's rambling... reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out an envelope.] FLYNT: An' th' winner o' th' most dishgraceful fookin' whreshler o' th' 'alf fookin' bastarding' year is none other'n ... [Taking a swig of Scotch and a toke of nicotine, Elijah holds the envelope up to his eyes, grimaces, then holds it up again... then awareness hits and he opens the seal and once more tries to discern the print on it.] FLYNT: An' th' winner o' th' worst damn fookin' whreshler ish none other'n ... [Elijah's left hand drops the bottle of Scotch, sending it crashing and breaking against the stage floor as it instead clutches his forehead. He slowly shakes his head.] FLYNT: I fookin' knew it! Son of a fookin' bitch... 'ow, I dunno, ye done lead us through th' worse fookin' period in IWF/WOW 'istory, yet yer seen fit t' wear th' damn fookin' gold... [Takes a deep breath as he takes a quick drag off his cig then clutches both sides of the podium.] FLYNT: Bloody 'ell... Eric "Epic-Bastard" Travers... Fook me, wot's th' damn world comin' to?! Trust me Eric, this IS th' last time yer seein' "gold" in yer career... ye public wanker!!! [Elijah throws up his drunken hands and glares at Travers with venom, then is lead by Charles Robinson's security team off stage - diligent even on this night.] [The crowd rise, somewhat reluctantly, to acknowledge Travers' achievement with a standing ovation. The wrestlers rise as well. Travers gets a long hug from Tricia Lane, and a kiss on the cheek. Travers also moves over and gets a hug from Heather, high fives from Body Count, and a handshake from The AoD. Travers and his mentor talk for a moment, both laughing at something as Travers pats The AoD on the back, and makes his way towards the stage. Travers climbs the steps to the podium and accepts his trophy from Anthony Edwards, who grabbed it from Flynt so it wouldn't drop on the ground. Travers takes another look at Flynt, who is off stage now, and LOADED, and shakes his head, before turning back to face the audience.] Eric Travers: Look at him [nods at Flynt], and he never even accepted my offer to buy him a drink. [Travers pauses and clears his throat.] Eric Travers: I've been up here four times tonight, so for once in my life I'm running out of things to say. I've already insulted Hightower, and Thranton, and Flynt here is doing my job for me... I guess all that's left is to do something I usually don't do, and say a few things out of character. Eric Travers: The last six months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. Being involved in the IWF/WOW has been a lot of fun over the years, and it was hard to see the fed in the state it was in as the end of the year 2000 approached. Participation being so low, morale being so low, the overall quality of the fed reaching an all-time low. It was a pleasant surprise to see Chris return, and a welcome sight to see what has happened since. We have people involved who are participating, and the result has been a return to the level of quality that many of us had become accustomed to over the years. Eric Travers: It is because of the way things were prior to WrestleWar that it is difficult to be excited about being named Wrestler of The Half Year. Do not get me wrong, I am honoured to have been selected ahead of the other nominees, and it is very gratifying to be recognized by my peers as the best the fed has to offer at this time. But that said, I look forward to the 2001 Golden Turnbucles that will cover the entire year, and will take place prior to Summer Explosion. It is there that I hope to stand in front of all of you once again, recognized as the number one guy once all of the new talent has established itself. With all of the talent that is here now, and that I'm sure we'll see come along over the summer, the future of this wonderful organization looks bright, and I am proud to be a part of it. Eric Travers: Once again, I thank all of you for voting me the Wrestler of The Half Year. I thank you all for making the IWF/WOW such an enjoyable fed. It's great to see guys on IRC again, joking around, chatting about various subjects, planning angles... Eric Travers: I'd like to take this opportunity to thank some of the guys that make this so much fun for me, beginning of course with Chris J. I'm glad you're back, and glad that you have put the IWF/WOW back on the right track. Thanks to Moe, Pete, Derek, Chris S, and all of the others who have fought Eric Travers in the past. It's been a lot of fun, and continues to be to this day. Eric Travers: Good night, enjoy WrestleFest, and once again... Thank you for this award!! [The Squeaky McQueen Jazz Octet play "Sad But True" by Metallica, as Travers walks off stage. Anthony Edwards walks over and stands behind the podium.] Anthony Edwards: That's all we have for tonight. Have a great evening, and see you all Sunday night at WrestleFest!!! [The credits roll.] WRITER'S NOTE: A HUGE thank you to everyone who helped out either by presenting, or accepting awards. Chris J, Chris S, Derek, Pete, Brett, Jerry, Moe, and Matt. See y'all in August Wade