This one won't have any set organization, I can promise you that. I'm just going to ramble on for a page or two about how much I enjoy warfare.

I have started training with ARMA, the rennaisance military science club at my university. It is so much fun. I feel better about myself than I've felt in a very long time. I come home just glowing. The day after my first training session, one of my professors commented that I was practically dancing.

So for about the past week or two I've been playing with wooden copies of german longswords. There are only two other girls in the club, but that doesn't bother me at all, and it doesn't bother anyone else, either. I feel like they have all been nothing but accepting, and encouraging. Sure, I make mistakes, but I am unwavering in my determination. Many people in the club have said that I'm doing very well for a beginner. Go me! I'm getting more muscles in my arms and the excercise is doign me worlds of good (Yoga is helping as well)

I suppose this stems from the whole "Eowyn" complex that I have, that I've probably had since I was four. It's not that I resent being a girl or anything, I just like to challenge what is expected of me. Tae Kwon Do in 8th grade, or example. Ironically, the "girly" thing at that time for everyone else was volleyball, or softball, or basketball; in combination of course with perfect fashion sense and perfect makeup etc etc etc. BLAH! Why would I ever want to have that? What good does perfect makeup and hair to anyone at age thirteen anyway? And anyway, Thanks to non-humid weather my hair is perfect all by itself and I don't think I need to wear makeup at all except on Sunday. And the whole "Not Getting Married" thing. I will probably want to take on the traditional roles of wife and mother at some point in my life, but not for a while yet. I think that's the real reason why I broke off my engagement, everything else aside. I felt trapped by the weight of conformity! Besides, I'm having too much fun being my own person and being ME. I want to get out there and fight the good fight myself, not just hold down the fort until the men return.

I am enjoying myself so much since I've started with ARMA. thoughtThere is just something intensely satisfying about slashing the air with a heavy wooden object. It's even more satisfying for someone to tell you that you slash the air extraordinarily well. My roommates insist that I have been beautiful all semester, but now I actually feel beautiful. Who would have thought that I could feel the most feminine and pretty by experimenting with so many different ways of slicing someone's jugular vein?