Alex sleeps peacefully for the rest of the night, my face no longer haunting his
dreams. I wonder what he sees in his dreams, how he sees me. He is too tortured
to tell me, but I still wonder.
I wake up fairly early and enter the kitchen to eat. I’m eating a Pop-Tart when
Kevin walks in. “Morning, Kev.”
“Morning. How’s AJ?”
An involuntary sigh escapes my lips. “Sleeping, thankfully.”
A thoughtful expression flitters across his face. “Last night was the worst, I
think.”
“Yeah.”
Silence ensues. He finally stares at me.
“You did really good last night.”
“He needed to be comforted.”
“Yes.” Kevin is deep in thought. “You’ve really helped him through this. He told
me the other day if it weren’t for you, he probably would have killed himself.”
My heart, although shocked and a little saddened by this news, swells with love
for Nick. He is so often looked at as immature, but in truth, he is gentle and
loving...and it is so sadly overlooked.
“I do what I have to do.”
Kevin stands up, nodding his head. “Yes. You do what you have to do.”
He leaves the room, and I am lost in thought. I’m alone for a few minutes when I
hear a pair of feet softly crossing into the kitchen. Alex.
He smiles faintly and sits next to me. “Morning.”
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah.” A long, hesitant pause. “Listen, I’m sorry for the things I said last
night. I just needed someone who understood.”
He stares at me fearfully, anxious of my response. I can read between the lines,
and I intend to put him to ease.
“Don’t apologize. I’m always here for you. Do you want to tell me about
your dream?”
He stares ahead blankly, keeping his face as cold as a mask. “She was in
the car. Slumped over. I couldn’t wake her up. It perfectly mirrored how it
really happened.”
So I had died in my car. To be honest, I remember nothing about my death. How it
happened, why it happened, or if anyone was behind it. And I have to admit, I
want to know.
“I can’t see just her anymore. I can only see her in that car.”
He shakes his head sadly. “I think about her. A lot. I wonder where she is. If
she’s lonely. If she found her stairway to heaven.”
Before I can reply, he fills in quickly. “You know how she was into
spirituality and shit? She had this theory that there was this bridge, this
individual bridge, for everyone. The bridge led to heaven, but not heaven as a
whole. It led to the person’s idea of heaven, catered around them. She believed
it was all individual, and that everyone-“
“Would eventually find their own stairway to heaven.”
Alex smiles a little. “Yeah. It’s a little crazy, isn’t it? But she believed it.
And I wonder if she has found it yet.”
Nope, I sure hadn’t found it at all. This is evidence that I never found it, and
I wonder that when I leave Nick’s body, will I find it?
“Something tells me she hasn’t though. I feel her a lot, especially in the past
two months. It’s like I can still feel her soul.”
Alex smiles a little. “The feeling has gotten stronger in the past two
months. Sometimes I swear she’s staring at me.”
His words have struck a chord. He knows I’m here. Will he believe me if I told
him I am in Nick’s body?
“If I told the others this, they would swear it’s just my grief. But you believe
me, don’t you?”
“I believe you.”
Alex nods. “A part of me doesn’t want her to find her stairway. I want her here.
Always here, with me.”
I smile at him, touched by the way he pours his heart out. He has no idea he
close he is to the truth. “I’m sure she knows that.”
Alex stands up and stretches his long legs. “I’m keeping my eyes open. I
have this feeling I can’t ignore, this feeling she’s here somewhere. If she is,
I’ll find her.” He pauses, as if to re-affirm his promise. “I’ll find her.”
Many thoughts run through my mind. I sincerely hope he does find me. But
I wonder if I should aide him in his search, if I should lead him to me.
No...he has too much to learn. As open-minded as he swears he is, he
would not accept this. He would think Nick is mocking him.
Yet time is not on my side. I don’t know how long I will be here. I have yet to
uncover the truth behind all this. Who knows what can happen? I can be here for
a week, or years, or an eternity. I don’t know.
It’s funny, actually. In high school, I was the genius. I had known all the
answers in high school, but now I had answers for nothing.
