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by: =sequi= Last time I addressed the first stepping-stone, self-awareness, in my journey to becoming a slave. This stone helped me to grow as an individual and independent womyn and provided me with the strength to give to another. You must first feel confident in yourself and your own abilities before you begin to give of your self to another. This makes the process and motivation of giving pure and unquestionable. Before giving of yourself to another ask yourself what your motivations are. Do you give to get something in return, or do you give for the pure pleasure of giving of yourself to another with no expectations of a reward? The answer to these questions indicates the differences between submission and slavery. I will now progress to the second stepping-stone, establishing trust. First, I had to learn how to communicate more effectively at any given moment to be "free". To master the skill of openly and honestly talking about what was on my mind and in my heart requires trust. I had to begin to rely on the ability to trust my partner and myself. In obtaining communication and trust skills I learned how to grow in the relationship, within myself, and how to form new goals both mentally and physically. Communication, trust, and growth require honesty. In a Master/slave relationship it means never "hiding" your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. It means NEVER telling a Master what you think they want to hear. A slave does not lie, deceive or manipulate. Manipulation and deceit break down trust. Master/slave relationships are built on a foundation of trust, honesty and open-communication. Before you actually serve someone you should spend some time getting to know the person and building trust in them. This will give you faith in the Master's decision-making abilities. Without faith, you have no business submitting to them. Anyone can submit, but it takes 100% faith in another person to entrust someone else with making choices for you. It is often said that a slave has faith in a Master's convictions. Trust does not come into a relationship overnight, in a month or even a year. Building trust and faith in a person is a constant journey. Because building trust is a long and arduous journey many Masters and slaves believe in a process of collaring that is 3 tiered and designed to build a strong foundation of trust. The failure of many M/s relationships lies in the lack of time spent building trust before a final formal collaring. To become a fully collared slave means to give all of yourself not just what you are ready to give. There are no limits or rights when you have reached that final stage. This is why it is essential that you take all the time needed to establish unquestionable trust in your future Master before you commit to a life of service. Most of us were taught as children that there are certain subjects that should not be discussed openly, especially by womyn. I recently saw a movie called "Mona Lisa Smiles" by director Mike Newell that accurately portrayed the mindset of womyn in decades past. The subject of sex was considered a taboo discussion and women rarely talked about their own wants, needs, and desires. In the "vanilla" world women still do not openly discuss their own sexually fantasies and desires even with their own partners. In a Master/slave relationship it is essential that you overcome your fears and openly discuss any topic that may affect the relationship or your safety. There is danger in having hidden fears from your Master. Your issues should be fully discussed with your partner long before you have given over full control. Sharing your desires and fantasies will not only enhance the relationship, but will also show your Master that you are free and open in your expressions. It is essential that a slave feel safe when playing with a Master. This is true for all forms of BDSM. The best way to ensure your own safety is to educate yourself on the inherent risks that you are taking. A slave must take time to develop a relationship with a Master and to learn as much as possible about the risk they may be exposed to. The fantasy of a slave with no limits is an exciting thought for both a Master and a slave, however, the reality of this is that everyone has limits. Much of the exploration in a D/s or M/s relationship depends on trust between partners the rest is communication. If you do not trust your partner then you cannot live happily within a D/s or M/s relationship. You may also find yourself in a less than desirable relationship and probably one that is abusive. To sum it all up once more the best action is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. You submitted to your Master of your own free will. You did this because you trust them, care for them, and respect them. Always try to keep that in the forefront of your mind. You should never be afraid to share your innermost, deepest feelings with your Master. These feelings are not always going to be sexual or joyous. Last but not least, the freedom to express yourself means you have to take responsibility for not only your emotions but also your actions. http://www.mast-kc.org or [email protected] Permission is granted to copy or forward Focus messages to anyone you wish, as long as you forward the entire message, including the URL below where interested parties can subscribe to the list, change an existing subscription, or view list archives. 
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