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by: Scream We are all virgins at some point. Virgins to the BDSM lifestyle. Many of us began on the bottom. Wheather we stayed there or not is often up to chance. There are many ways for it to happen. Sometimes, the first time you get beat is easy. You're there because you want to be there. Sometimes the person beating you loves you. Sometimes they don't. Somtimes you'll go on to have a relationship with this person, fall in love, live together and become as one. And sometimes you'll pack up your toy bag and go home at the end of the night, proud that you survived it, sad that it's over, happy to have finally made a foray into your fantasies. Sometimes, if your lucky, you'll fall in love with someone who also wants to beat you. You'll talk about it and laugh about it and anticipate it until the moment it happens. Perfect love, perfect trust. All the peices will fall into place and you will be filled with understanding of what it is that your deep desires mean. Sometimes you won't be so lucky. The top won't love you and will only beat you because your a virgin and you make a good target. Sometimes the panic that sets in as the last cuff is attached envelops your entire soul and you're not entirely sure you can withstand even one more swipe of a paddle from this person. Your whole world for the entire time you're bound, is about getting through it and having a badge of honor to wear. You'll wonder in those infinite moments, if this is really what you want of if it's just a game your mind is playing with you. Sometimes you'll walk away unscratched. You'll get in your car, sit your sore ass down on a cold car seat and sigh in relief that its over, that your no longer a virgin, that it doesn't matter if it hurts really bad or felt real good. You did it. And your proud. Sometimes you'll walk away hurt, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Sometimes your trust is betrayed on your first run and you'll wonder just what it was that drew you to want this, to believe that you need this. Perhaps you will feel betrayed by your own emotions. You'll drive home angry and afraid, if you can even drive at all, then cry for days wondering shy and how you could have messed up your life so badly. Sometimes its just a beating. But sometimes, its something else. And when it is something else and you watch in wonderment as those pieces fall so perfectly into place, how you survived so long without this. Sometimes, its just pain. But sometimes, its a miracle. 
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