-a mask of me- the sparse emotion in my heart cries out for modern love i am the lonely seeker, waiting for my call above the games played in my head halt drearily in a stalemate but in reality i know i can control my fate oh show me the keys i beg you, please i'm sick of the taunts in dreams they haunt my guilty mirage of a likely collage that covers my face from you. ------------------- -monopoly- oh fellow friends, please lend me your ears if theres one thing i've learned in my too short years is that life is a game and your mind is the board and some spaces there will just strike a chord but whenever you must go back to start and miss two-hundred for passing go just keep on trying to win you part then do me a favor and don't be low and this is the end of my poem about how life can be a life long bout and in the end i know you'll win so view the sky and up your chin. ------------------- -the only star in the sky- my bed is made of poison that will keep me up at night the voices in my head will try to tell me what was right they tell me i'm the best and what i say is what will go although my eyes will read what my head will never know the shovel in my hand just makes the hole go even deeper youd probably be right in calling me the grim reaper come back in a few minutes, hours or days hopefully we can mend our ways slowly but surely out of my shell into a life, i dare not sell ------------------- -words- keep my fragile words like a ship in a bottle, that i know will someday break these words i know are as sure the sun, that appears every day when i wake the worth of my words i'm yet to know, as they havent quite reached your ears take the tape off my mouth and let them flood out, then together we could spend years? one word at a time will drip, drip, drip please take my hand, i don't want to slip a breath at the end will tell you i'm done then maybe, one day, i'll be second to none. ------------------- -daytime insomnia- incapable of handling the commodity called life suffering from the aches and pains that we know as strife, absorbing the thoughts and frequencies from those who are around you distributing destruction due to a so called lack of value, leave the baggage known as childhood behind without a name cause in the end all our thoughts will end up just the same, theres no liferaft on my boat and sadly it is sinking "when did i miss salvation?" is what i'm left with thinking, life will slow dance on and on and everyone will stare rest my eyes, breath in and out, then one day i might care. daytime insomnia, it's much worse than you think daytime insomnia, where is my missing link? stare up at your ceiling and try to clear your mind that emptyness you feel, it can all be left behind, the world, it expects you to shrug off depression while all your life hide your frown, to make a good impression, prepare for a life in the dark, like space mountain and search as you may you won't find youth's fountain, but happiness is only found in one's acceptance of one's self look deep within and find it, please don't end up like myself. daytime insomnia, it's much worse than i think daytime insomnia, what is my missing link? they say an apple once a day is bound to keep you healthy all we need now is to grow a fruit that will one day make you wealthy, and a golden smile can make you pleased, but only for a day the grins from the riches are as dead as a truth and impossible to stay, you're worth is as much as you believe it to be one glance in the mirror is to realize and see. daytime insomnia, i don't know what to think daytime insomnia, i can't find my missing link asleep with eyes open and unable to dream would you ever know if you root for the wrong team? the bright light up ahead presents a split decision unable to align yourself due to blurry vision. daytime insomnia, impossible to think daytime insomnia, forever a missing link ------------------- -begining or end?- i may not be charming i'm not debonaire i've got low self-esteem, but you didn't care. into your warmth and out of my cold in with the new and out with the old. my rhymes don't make sense my jokes aren't funny alone life is cold, with you life is sunny you saw in me what no one could find, the worst thing now would to be left behind. the songs that i write you inside of my head, are the feelings of heart i would never have said. drowning in a kiddie pool filled with my tears what i've searched for is you, in my sixteen plus years. ------------------- -glazed over- shrugging off misery ain't as easy as it seems just running through my head and revisiting in my dreams taking the blame is what i do best how hard can it be to get this off my chest maybe you were right i'll probably never know i never want to fight can't take another blow through wet eyes and fake smiles i'll just have to move on down the mountain i'll go miles when i hit the ground i'm gone. ------------------- ------------------- -no more chances- -never a chance- since the day we met since the day we met i could never forget, you could never forget your smile my smile with every that goes by with every day that goes by can't help but wonder why you can't help but wonder why i screw up you screw up i'm just a ball and chain you're just a ball and a chain on a sunny day, your rain on a sunny day, my rain you should hate me i should hate you i know that it's true you know that it's true all i do is make you blue all you do is make me blue i'm a failure you're a failure what kind of trend is this? what kind of trend is this? all i wanted was for bliss all you wanted was for bliss just forget me i'll just forget you ------------------- ------------------- -anthem- at the end of the race, my prize would be a smile on your face, for all to see i'd walk on coal just to be with you and the feelings in my heart i know are true another inside joke another wallet broke another day we share another day we care through the good times and the bad at your side i'll stick and when i see you're sad i've probably been a dick ------------------- -stop- all the faces in the crowd it's regret they try to shroud and i know better than to guess i'm no better than the rest can't i stop? all the stars up in the sky with their distance, they do lie moving farther by the second my expression they do beckon won't they stop? out of a cocoon and into the cold i thought this life would be made of gold illusions filled my eyes with dreams it's true nothing's ever what it seems it never stops. call me what you wish now it'll never seem to matter hit with all that you can dish cause i'm madder than the hatter please just stop. a never ending garden maze and in the end a path of haze i'll follow through a trail of tears despite the fact i'm wasted years stop. ------------------- INCOMPLETE the whispers in my head will spin me round without an end, i'll get by with baby steps and all the help my friends can lend a broken arm, a stinging bee, plus all the dangers up ahead in the end my fall will be all the things i've said INCOMPLETE ------------------- -city on a molehill- i live in a snowglobe, protected from the world and in my snowy paradise, my plans will be unfurled first of all i'll have to gather up two tons of pity and after that they'll congregate so i can prove i'm witty using my fake character along with phony grin a false friendship with them is what i'd likely win marching my army to meet my mighty foe it's identity will knock me down with only one brute blow looking at it eye to eye familiarity, it cannot lie being held to the ground by my own cold stare my feelings, they're bound i wish someone was there my allies they left me to fend for myself do you know what it's like to be fighting yourself? gathering the strength to pick up sword and shield i know my every move and that we both will never yield the many bloody strikes that are destined to leave scars, they control the bodies that we used to know as ours a pair of plain machines, designed to do no good now we're clashing blades with who we thought we never would with a sinking sun and a rising moon we wished our battle would end so soon "be careful what you wish for" are words of the wise and winning never guaranteed you a prize our life that we thought had never mattered went down with our snowglobe, the pieces, they shattered. shards strewn about all over my gray room for far too many years i had let my fate just loom ------------------- -the bad- hang up the phone you won't be alone and when you go for a ride i'll be right by your side through the thick and thin and the sadness you'll endure at the end i know you'll win and your heart will remain pure don't hurt from their pollution 'cause there's always a solution and when it's like an uphill fight i'm positive you'll do what's right i know you're bigger than the bad i'd also like you to be glad so make it easy with the wise decision or else the bad will soon make it's incision ------------------- -the fool- just another chapter of your childish fairy tale turn my head against the wind and let my mind set sail on a sea of dreams with your ghostly image our relationship, just a game of scrimmage sinking to the ocean floor don't make a fool of me for every key, a bolted door i'll be the fool, you'll see the time we shared went by too fast was i insane to think it'd last? alone on my boat, with a white flag on it's mast i live in the present, i dwell in the past the dusty page remains sealed shut don't make a fool of me with a rusty blade, stabbed in the gut i'll be the fool, you'll see ------------------- -temporary happiness- mixed emotions in your modern day life you're always trying to do what's right choices presented like a storm you don't expect belted in the pilot seat, you want to press eject impossible to please us all you're taking the blame you're taking the fall impossible to please your mind you're wasting your time you'll be left behind we've all got our stories we write them each day we want happy endings wish for one today but stars, they are liars they give us false hope when your wish isn't granted you'll just have to cope no one can better your day like you can so start taking notes and write yourself a plan temporary happiness is worth more than you predict so take in what you can and don't let life restrict ------------------- -the heart- pumping the blood of a heart that's not yours in a clawed clenched fist you made the first incision you shouldn't play with dice in hearts and let reality linger on the tip of your tongue if your mind isn't empty then pour it all out to bottle up feelings is to blow up the heart thanks for wasting our time ------------------- -numbed senses or white picket fences- no longer able to sympathize with the past we had it all then but it just couldn't last why bother to gamble on the rest our lives pinned up against a wall and we're both throwing knives numbed senses or white picket fences our futures held these choices all we had to do was voice them but the walls we built around us would only fall if we trust and a foggy vision lifestyle doesn't suit me the winding road forks up ahead my biggest fault was what i said sorrow won't mend a broken heart in my life just another false start results unexpected my heart unaffected your storm drenched smile that once stretched a mile and the guilt that i feel it has no appeal all i want now is you to be happy ------------------- -breezy- there are moments in life that i wish to omit i sit here and write this, my life wants to quit i wish i was strong and could fight for my mind but the voice in my head has left me behind the key to my peace, oh does it exist? if you know, please tell me, i need it, i insist! save my life with words of the wise and the sun i will see at my start, when i rise but the sun is a symbol of another false day get used to it now, there is no other way and the night sheds tears that we all know as stars the night makes me empty, it opens my scars a breezy summer afternoon is all i really need a breezy summer afternoon could help me to succeed ------------------- -death- do the dead find peace in eternal sleep if they did, i might have to make the big leap with a knife clenched in my cold sweaty hands my brain would possibly devise a plan a tragedy out in old oceanside give the town something to talk about maybe they'll mourn the ride what would i find there, if anything at all? would i regret my doom, would i regret the fall? but why do i speak of such horrible things, when as i result, i could find my wings? a cloudly doubtful mind of what's up ahead laying frozen on a tiled floor, my shirt is soaked blood red. the tears of the people who i said didn't care their tears would reflect in my cold and dead stare their tears enough to sail noah's ark forever i'll live alone, in my dark ------------------- -smile- smile for me, from cheek to cheek, i just can't do it, i'm just too weak i want to be happy, i hate how i frown, i want to be happy, i feel weighted down infront of me stand doors locked shut, i lay in a ditch, i'm stuck in a rut inspiration lacking in my line of sight, show me you're happy, don't suffer my plight being dragged along in life, by my ankles in chains, please help me escape them, escape from my pains paradoxically my mind is filled with void, my conscious, i feel, it has been destroyed i want to be happy, i feel weighted down, i want to be happy, i hate how i frown i just can't do it, i'm just to weak, can you smile for me, from cheek to cheek? please smile. ------------------- -i give up- happiness is a dream we all wish to achieve, the ability to find it is what we bereave for one to be at peace with their mind it's worrying they'll have to leave behind family and friends will have to go too, but will you be at peace or will you be blue? you can lock yourself away to avoid what future holds, the only thing you'll miss is your life when it unfolds you can bury yourself in solitude wanting to escape your cares, but in being alone you'll find that dreams turn into nightmares you can sink to the bottom of the salty dead sea, and the fish you'll find, they'll fill you with jubilee you can reject the truth along with friendly advice, but the help that you get isn't rolled on with dice when you hear honest words out of mouthes of the good the things that they tell you, they should be understood don't frown on their wisdom when they're all that you've got these words they can help you, more often than not there are nights when i sit in the cold on a swing i rock back and forth to forget everything i look up at the stars and wish they were mine they were in my childhood, when life was just fine but in growing older i realized their truth stars are just wishes you have in your youth my glazed over eyes would wish for a day when i could sit back and smile, my life a-okay sometimes i'll wake up covered in fears of a lie i've been living for too many years. pinch myself, i'm dreaming, this isn't really me, my face in the mirror is not what i see instead is a liar, a monster, a fraud my few good traits, i realize they're flawed. there's nothing i can do to escape this repitition, i'm to go never again with a cheery disposition i'm trapped forever behind a gothic stained glass wall, pretty to you, but watch, you might see my shadow fall i tell myself "get used to it", i know life won't improve i buckle up, 'cause after all, i can't escape this groove oh well. at least i pretended to try. ------------------- -preaching no religion- three in the morning listening for the tick-tock of youre neon digital clock that you know will never come but that doesn't really matter you've got all the time in the world no future in your line of sight inspirations got no bark or bite afraid of your horoscope 'cause youre afraid of it all and the bright light presented in the dark of night opens your eyes to the vicious cycle of life petrified state of past, present and future lock yourself in away, somewhere nobody knew you back breaking burdens keep you drained in the day and you won't listen to what the world has to say because there's water clogging your ears and to drain it is to flood washing away the wisdom of their words ------------------- -without- unable to feel lifes free rich pleasure you've burnt taste buds and youve got no measure but the voice in your head wants to save you with a plea so you put in your ear buds cause youre afraid of feeling glee no ones rejected you but the reflection in the lake if you fall in drowning, grab my hand for goodness sake if we save your life then we also save our own without you here, know we'll always feel alone your near perfect smile is enough to make our day without you here, know our skies will remain grey don't turn down the ability to change you can be yourself and not feel so estranged give smiling one more shot, before we see a frown make sure youre not living a life turned upside-down just one more chance of happiness is all we really ask for and if it hurts that much to smile, we won't ask to see one anymore we hate to see you act this way, it hurts us deep inside the sad face you show us everyday, does it destroy your pride? live life to enjoy it, it's not as bad as it seems a peaceful place can exist not only in your dreams ------------------- -brand new day- throbbing visions suffocate deep within your shattered eyes, they say early to bed makes you healthy, wealthy and wise but the night doesn't last long enough to embrace, wake up from no sleep to live an endless rat race while scampering accross a crowded cracked sidewalk, you open your mouth, unheard words are what you talk visit jails that touch the sky, and post your bail at sunset, but only after a demon from above makes sure his expectations are met live at the crack of your own vicious whip, hold on to your morals despite slipping grip let the worlds ego eat away at what's rising, the planets future, it won't be surprising: dreary grey skies will surround forests of ash, pirates of business swim in mountains of cash an untouchable society gathers in town square, not knowing what to do, they join their hands in prayer pray to a god you can only pray exists, ask if this life is indeed what he insists smoke covered stars that you can't see to wish on, if your wish could come true, there would be a brand new dawn ask for a visit to the past, to change mistakes we made, but it's too late now, it's ourselves we have betrayed we can only blame misery on our rapid generation, spoiled by green paper, no resisiting our temptation but alas, this is a myth, it hasn't happend yet, innocent it does not sound, it truly is a threat you may want to prevent my story from taking place, you may want look at what i've said and say it's a disgrace to stop my story from being reality, look at yourself and realize your mortality treat others around you with much hospitality, or else our selfishness will lead to our own fatality ------------------- -sin- beome a fly on the wall and watch mankinds plunging fall observe the many downward spirals of humanity's own trials for the sin we did commit but the sin we won't admit so we can suffer from guilt and observe our flower wilt place the blame on one another our true expression, we will smother we may refuse to take our blame but in the ends its all the same our dead society of life on your best friend, pull a knife and for our sins we have no shame 'cause in our heads it's just a game a game where we can do no wrong a game where false bonds remain strong but cross the finish line and see you're all alone, i garauntee but honesty will get you far and who you know is who you are keep your company of past or first place will seem like last don't go down this road alone because you future is unknown and you'll need all the help you can get this is my advice, please don't forget. ------------------- -refresh- familiar warmth of television glow not once in my dying have i felt this low i'm a living zombie, with a bullet in my chest guilty of nothing, i'm under house arrest forever i'll sit home, sunk in my comfy chair glued to my t.v., i'll soak in my despair effortless to change my mindless ways i'm changing the channel, i'm counting the days why would i kill for what i haven't got? plea with the devil for the things that i want trade in what's golden for a mystery prize i take lessons in deceit so i can live with my lies my greed and gluttony have led me oh so far on a vicious trip to hell, my ride is right on par i deserve the fire, i deserve the pain i can only hope from torture, respect is what i'll gain i don't hate myself for becoming a sin i despise my face for what i've always been please spit at my reflection in a puddle on the street i'll brush it off my shoulders, i'm used to the defeat rip up my portrait, i'm off on a fresh start i'll sit by the fire in attempt to warm my heart rise up from the ashes, set free the phoenix in me take a step out my door, i can finally see ------------------- -in my head- it's unforunate when every face you see, is another chapter in your life story. so before they suck you in, shake out birthing dreams, don't shed manufactured tears, over wished upon extremes. our incessant chatter, like squirells in the trees, it didn't really matter, you must intentionally tease. eye contact is nothing, in this race to first base age, know skipping stones will always sink, but you always play the game. mourn in my back alley over things my eyes percieved, i'll play russian roullete, with a loaded barrel, i should never have believed. exaggeration with you? elaboration with you? collaboration with you? exaggeration with you... ------------------- -i don't even know you- my eyes act as mood rings they're always blue the lyrics my poem sings they're all about you my hands tremble at your golden aura i open my mouth, i'll speak pandora read the book about me by it's cover it's no different than any other i'm too ugly for the world, especially for you too nice to the people, everyone but you when you were made you broke the mold you're a salesman at my door and i'm already sold but why are you my mind's content your so kind eyes filled with torment your inadvertant ways to bait hook me please, i won't debate suicide over your smile you'll never ever know after you run miles caught in the undertow forever running after the oblivious you when you hear my name your response is "who?" i don't mind, i've known for so long that my feelings for you, they must be wrong. ------------------- 10 ways of looking at me I knight in rusted armor with guard below my knees hit me where it hurts bleed with my disease off into the sunset runs a noble steed riding it i'm not nor will i follow lead II both the rubber and the glue to my vicious, snide, remarks mood like eyes so blue they crumble, fall apart III a voice of reason among the fray looking out my rainy window is there anyone who will play? IV rain drops beat down on a dying tree but water can't save it it's long gone it's free V a shoulder to lean on a plush teddy bear if you're down and depressed know that i'm always there VI drowning in a kiddie pool though the waters at my feet i do know how to swim but i can't live with my deceit VII tempted by her kindess betrayed by my despair fooled by my own blindness was anything ever there? VIII invisible but only to you my friends can see me but no, not you i don't mind it's better for you your eyes so kind ...but if you only knew... IX run a rat race i'm used to it come in last place i'm used to it fall flat on my face i'm used to it X scarecrow with no brain lion with no bravery a heartless tin man too add them up the equal me always in search of a dorothy ------------------- random jots - 4/7/04 awed over the vastness of nature's cieling my eyes they find it oh so appealing guilt stricken by a belated gaze stare sunward for hours, be blinded for days mourn past paintings with false dedications fall forward in track for beneficial relations baby needs to crawl to walk mouth empty words before you talk rushed actions that end in smiling faces must all be accidents escape escape from from prison prison walls walls that protect protect my weakness weakness i accept accept for pleasure pleasure in misery misery beneficial beneficial for me ------------------- -again- gotta get out of my head fighting alone, i bled the enemy smirks in the shadow that lurks i'm chased by myself, again. oh the humor of my misfortune it's a disease i find all but foreign for the twin who sleeps deep within has raised his eyes to again begin. tangled up in my very own web find a way to esacpe you i don't know when all i ask now is to let me be i'm troubled without you again, please let me be but no, you stalk me in the shadows follow my footsteps in all of my hours hang over my head, you predictable storm cloud weigh me down again with your emptiness, you shroud what a familiar face for a rival ironically dependant upon my survival i house you, leech no need to breach infest me with myself again, the cycle repeats itself gotta get out of my head fighting alone, i bled i find myself smirking i'm the shadow that's lurking i'm chasing myself, again i'm laughing at my misfortune so used to it, it's not foreign awaken from deep within my plague again, i'm about to begin. stop it please, youre killing me. i'm laughing now, you're all i need. eat away at my life, is that how you strive? i feed off your life, i feel so alive. ------------------- isolated together with mind and body they've chosen seperate paths gotta find the key to escape this jail cell they all look in and laugh expect to predict the same old pattern but it's caught you by surprise uninspired stories and watered down drama to you they're all just lies filled with suspense for the first few chapters yet you still hold low regard cause by the middle of the story, you know how it ends just like each years christmas card ------------------- so tired of trying of getting through my day smiling while crying bitter tears for no one to see all this time i've been lying and it's inside i'm dying my outside shell's wasting away day by day oh i want to run away and find a key to escape from my mind find someone who can relate in this endless board game find someone who can relate relate to my pain unlock this gauntlet of memories of past hurry and and find me, this sieves draining fast clothes colors wear off as the year dances on i'll lay back and wonder if they'll play my song memories don't fade, but their faces are blank wear tattered old hand-me-downs with no one to thank pathetically, truly, there's one thing to trust hold a shell to to your ear, and listen you must the sound of the ocean will tickle your ear if it's rolling escapes you, then there's something to fear oh i want to run away and find a key to escape from my mind find someone who can relate in this endless board game find someone who can relate relate to my pain build with me a fortress, we'll lock the world away rest your ahead upon my shoulder, we can together waste away. ------------------- i just can't wait until i dont know when but until when comes, i'm my own best friend waiting for that special you to slide into my days like the sun that sneaks through the blinds my face touched by it's rays can't buy you what you want but i'll give you what i've got your bright eyes, smile, all i ask in your being, i will bask but i can't see you i'm blind and in the dark ------------------- -5/20/04- Slow down, pain, that runs through my veins. I know that you're there. You don't need to remind me. Search a cure from the blue, when I feel so aloof. It's emptiness haunts, as a bitter winter wind. Sweet succubus, tempt, you don't know your place. I'm so plain and unkempt, I apologize. Immovable Boulder, left here years ago. It wasn't your choice, now there's no where to go. Wait. Hunger grows strong in an hourglass parched soul. Time drains fast, I slowly lose control. ------------------- -count infinity- a rain puddle reflection, my face you can't see, ripples foreshadow rejection count infinity. climb the highest tree to find you hiding in the canopy? reach top to see you at the bottom count infinity. numbers limit i find none when i reach the highest, i haven't won until then we'll have to agree all i can do now is count infinity. ------------------- -at night- what a pretty mask i see the price when it's sunny, bask it rains at night it only rains at night my torn and tattered, worn down umbrella approaches pitter-patter it must be the night it only rains at night life under the sun with the moon becomes forgotten stars come hand in hand with storm it rains, it pours at night it only rains at night solar rays killed by lunar ways it only rains at night ------------------- -The Rain King- The Rain King is me, the clouds are my friends Dance for me, minions I bring abrupt ends The Rain King is he, unforgiving and mean He won't lighten up, he has no Rain Queen The Rain King is me, and thunder, my voice Lightning, my fingertips Your fate? My choice The Rain King is me, fear unwanted descend Pray for departure, or good things may end {The Rain King is me, oh tell me my chance With a guess as good as dice, <--- not in final! will you water your plants?} The Rain King is he, his hate a facade For if he finds The Rain Queen, he becomes a Sun God ------------------- -my sunshine- help me find the sunshine shrouded, i have been with clouds that have no lining they are driven by cold winds help me find the sunshine it's warmth that i have missed favored by the gale it's rawness i resist help me find my sunshine i shiver in it's lack the sun was once my friend now we're allies gone off track help me find what once i owned oh, where did i go wrong? in it's rays i would bask under them - belong help me find my sunshine anything for it's return anything for my dear sunshine wish it and with your heat i promise to burn help me find my sunshine i'm running out of time reappear in my frozen eyes for mistakes i made, i apologize ------------------- -raindrops- raindrops hide in clouds they don't want to hit the ground they like being unique raindrops fill the clouds they are drawn to the ground they can't all be unique raindrops leave the clouds they dance sadly towards the ground they will no longer be unique raindrops out of clouds they live in puddles on the ground they are all but unique