| what's the dealio? |
| It seems like each of my intimate relationships get worse as time goes on. Each one gets shorter and shorter. I'm also getting plumper. ~//~ Yea, it sucks to be fat. You look bad in clothes. The bulge is not very appealing. I even had this plan to run a certain number of laps for a period of time. I quit, cuz I wasn't seeing results. And its so much easier to sit back and relax with a bag of something. I realize I'm an emotional eater. I eat the most when I'm bored, sad and angry. I just stuff myself until the bag is finished. It's bad. There's just a sense of oblivion. It's kind've pleasant. Eating until max capacity, then prolly in a stupor from all the sugars and fats. Damn. It's pretty stupid of me to realize some things about my past. When someone treated me well and said "I love you" to me, I did not at that time take it into consideration or believe it to be true. I just thought he was bsing. But now, upon reflection I think he truly loved me. He did so many things for me out of love, and I just took it for granted. And I suppose I expected my other boyfriends to do the same. But not one of them loved me the way he did. He accepted me for who I was or am. sigh. It's in the past. And we both moved on. I'm just not attracted to him. It's a damn shame, cuz I would've been spoiled. ^^ I think I have made some really dumbass decisions out of loneliness. Perhaps even life threatening decisions. I've gone against my intuition too many times. Now, I will try to listen to my gut instinct. I don't think I'm mature at all. I still feel like a child, with a child's temperament...very volatile. |
| Dude. its getting personal. |
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