"Mom, dad," you say, "this is the Knight's Quest writer guy." 

"Hello," your mother says. 

"Hello," your father says. 

"Hello," I say, sticking my arm out of the screen to shake their hands.  "So what seems to be the problem here?" 

"Well," your mother says, "it's the graphic violence." 

"And don't say, 'This is text based,' because you know what we mean," your father adds. 

"Is there anything in particular that bothers you?" I innocently ask. 

"The jelly-splattering business on that last page," your father says. 

"It's a bit much," your mother says. 

"And then the vultures," your father says. 

"Nothing really wrong with vultures," your mother says.  "They're an endangered species, they should be protected.  But this 'gnawing bones' business -- " 

"Flesh," I interject.  "They're gnawing flesh." 

She grimaces "It's more than a little unsettling, especially for children." 

"Well," I say, "let's think about that.  Remember the barroom scene in Star Wars, where Obi Wan Kenobi draws his light saber and cuts off that guy's arm?" 

Your parents nod. 

"Then in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones fatally shoots a man armed only with a sword." 

"Well . . . yes," your parents say. 

"Wizard of Oz, a house drops on an elderly woman.  My Favorite Martian, Daryl Hannah turns into a monster and swallows a man alive in one gulp." 

"I didn't see that last movie," your father says. 

"Neither did I," your mother says.  "Should we rent it?" 

"Don't bother," I reply.  "But anyhow, my point is, there's violence in a lot of children's entertainment, and it's not that I'm glorifying it here." 

"But that violence doesn't happen to the child viewing the scene," your mother says.  "Here, on your website, you've got our Precious Little Darling -- " 

"MOM!!!" you protest. 

"-- Our child, that is, you've got our child being killed and then eaten by vultures.  Don't you think that's at least somewhat gratuitous?" 

"On the contrary," I reply.  "It's the very opposite of gratuitous.  The dictionary definition of the word 'gratuitous'  is 'unwarranted or unnecessary.'  But wouldn't you agree that if your precious little darling here were to walk off a cliff in real life, he/she would die just as I have described?" 

Your parents look at one another. 

"Well," your mom says, "more or less." 

"The blood-splattering-like-jelly part is probably right," your father says.  "But the vultures may or may not show up, depending on what part of the country you're in." 

"That's true," I admit. 

"Can I leave now?" you ask.  "I'd like to go back to the game." 

"If you want to," I say.  "I'll put in a link that returns you to the plateau.  It'll be on the next line, just click on the last word." 

"Thank you," you say.  And vanish. 

I continue talking with your parents.  "You see, if I didn't have the kids smashing up on the rocks as a consequence of falling off a cliff, they would get the idea that falling off cliffs is okay.  Then I would be responsible for that.  Surely you remember the thousands of serious injuries that occured when the Road Runner cartoons first came out, and children thought they could run off cliffs and hover in mid-air because they saw it in a cartoon." 

"That was bad," your father says.  Your mother nods in agreement. 

"Well," I say, "I don't want that on my conscience.  I want to show kids what really happens when they do stupid things, so that then they won't do stupid things in real life.  If my graphic violence can save even one life, then it's all worth it." 

Your parents fold their arms and nod in unison. 

"I guess we can see that," your mother says. 

"Just tone it down in the future, if you can," your father says.  "We don't want any nightmares to come of this." 

"I'll do what I can," I reply. 

"And no cuss words," your father says. 

"Not so much as a 'darn.'" 

"And no -- well, you-know-what," your father says. 

"Nothing further than an innocent peck on the cheek." 

"Well, then," your father says.  "I guess we don't have to worry here.  But if you want to discuss this further, we'll be in the next room playing  Breast-Augmented Archeologist Shooting Carnage 3 with the five-year old." 

Bidding them good-bye, I climb back up to join you on the plateau.