| To Lose: |
| I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. There are some pictures of me when I was 12 years old where I look ok. Then the pictures all but stop. Why? Because by the time I was 13 I was old enough to be embarased about my weight and run from the camera. Those few photos that my family did con me into were taken with me thinking things like: 'Suck it in', 'Hide in the back', 'Maybe I can get my hands on the negatives'. By the time I graduated from High School I weighed 250 pounds! I was 17. I learned to accept my 'fate'. This meant low self-esteem and not allowing myself certain experiences due to my weight. Eventually I became frustrated with all the things I was missing out on in life. Swimming was the main thing. As a child my mother and I would go to the beach and swim everyday in the summer time. There came a day however when I couldn't stand to see myself in a bathing suit. I have not owned one since. So I tried all the crazy diets out there. I never bought into the whole 'fat-acceptance' thing. I was unhappy with myself. I could not accept the form I had created. Yet nothing seemed to work. The pills made me crazy (ok, crazier :), the nutrition stuff I never stuck with, the exercise well I dropped the ball on that too. Then I gave up for a while. Ironically that worked for a while and I began to lose yet again. I got excited about it and the weight came back! Now this next part is going to sound crazy to some and completely understandable to others. On May 31, 2002 something snapped inside my head. I stopped obssessing over food and figure and turned my focus to calories. Not only that but I linked them to my financial situation. I have successfully brought myself back from the brink of debt. It has been over a year now and I am still making financial strides in the right direction. I decided to lose weight like I did my debt. Calories became dollars and cents. It's working. I have lost 5 pounds in the past 8 days! (May 31 - June 7, 2002). I know this might sound a little drastic at first, but hear me out. I have more energy than usual. I still walk an hour everyday. I am happier than I ever been. And I still sit down at night with Frog and have dinner. The same dinner's we have always had. I am loveing this! Now some of you out there are the inquizative type. You might be asking 1 of two questions, 'What?' and 'How ?' As to 'What' triggered this, what snapped that day inside my head that day? My Will. The Will is a funny thing. When used properly and with Faith, it makes man limitless. When disfuntioning it can make man less than human. A strong Will is indespencible. It is the paintbrush on the canvas of life. You are the artist. I developed my Will through Magick. Yes, this is where it may get weird for some of you. I have married 'the Great Work' with Faith with amazing results...and 'side-effects' if you will. Since I have been practicing again I have gotten mighty raises at work and a Will bent on the creation of a better biological vessal with which to house my Soul. In return my daily rites consist of unending gratitude and love for the Divine. Nothing more. No spells to riches and thinness, nothing like that. Just development of Will, and Faith in the Path before me. The 'How?' is much easier for the 'uninitiated' to understand. I count calories. That is it. At first I limited myself to 1500 calories a day. That got real easy, real quick. So I knocked it down to 1000 calories/day. I hope to stay there for the reminder of my time above my ideal weight. So Frog has now seen the nerotic number crunching side of me that has been in hiding since I closed my last Enochian Table years ago. Notebooks, dry-erase boards and even an Excel spreadsheet are filled with Menus, Caloric Intake, and pounds lost. Am I obessed? Yes. Isn't that Unhealthy? Not any more so than the current poundage I carry with me now. The following link will be a progress report of sorts that I will try to update weekly. Since I will be here everyweek maybe other areas of this site will be updated as well. |
| Journal |