| December 12, 2002 |
| Damn, it has been awhile. A lot has happened. I got a new job. One that I have wanted my entire life. This is a good thing. Good things however are not the reason I write this evening. I have a conflicted sort of unsetteled feeling. I have had it for the past couple days. As to what I feel I can't say. Those that know me know I am not the most in touch with my feelings. Often times I have to look at my behavior and trace that back to a feeling that I didn't know I was having. This discontent was made aware to me by my eating habits. I have been munch'n lately... always a bad sign. So I figured I am using food instead of smoke or alcohol to cover my unsetteled insides. When I think of the cause of the discontent a lot comes to mind. None of it makes much sense, but these things rarely do. Things it could be: -Stress at work. Yep I am stressing hard core. -Home alone. I have a shit load of hobbies, yet I don't know what the hell to do with myself when I am home alone at night. That is so messed up. -Parental stress. Things are not the same between my ma and me since our fight this past summer. That really saddens me. -Insecurity. I have been second guessing every little thing I have ever done, am doing, and will do in the future. Ok, so after all that crap I seem to have lost focus. Oh and I need to lay of the caffine. So the plan for remedy goes something like this: 1. Drink more water and less caffine. 2. Take a day off of work for myself. Not to shop or clean or do anything other than get my head in order. 3. Pick 1 goal for work and 1 goal for home. Do not mix the two. 4. Let the rest take care of its self. Let the future come to me. I won't go to it. 5. Deep breath and big smile :) I am feeling better already. |