_____Quotes (Taglines) 2

The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for what they don't want.
The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!
The two greatest causes of system failures are sysadmins and users. If you can keep both of these groups away from your machines, the reliability increases dramatically.
The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
The trick is to stop thinking it is 'your' money. - IRS auditor
The trouble with life is that it's a do-it-yourself kit without instructions.
There is never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
Any change looks terrible at first.
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented. - Dogbert, in Scott Adams' "Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business.
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first.
Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
Any line, however short, is still too long.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
Always hire a rich attorney.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
Ambiguity is invariant..
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator. - Claude Shouse
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening..
"Good crowd...good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape... Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!"
"My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens."
"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
Say no, then negotiate.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without.
A stagnant science is at a standstill.
A theory is better than its explanation.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford Beer
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
The first time is for love, the next time is $200.
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
The hardness of the butter is in inverse proportion to the softness of the bread.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you understand it, it is obsolete.
If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.
It works better if you plug it in.
If you want to get along, go along.
If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.
Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
It's always the wrong time of the month.
It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
It's better to retire too soon than too late.
It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
It's Good Enough For Government Work.
It's Not My Job!
It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.
It's out of my control.
Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do..
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.
May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.
May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Indifference is the only sure defense.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Is there life before coffee?