“Well then,
go on,” Ben said, encouraging Christian.
“The reason
why I wrote the song was…” Christian paused and stared at three anxious faces.
Paul nodded
as if to say “go on, go on, we’re all ears now”.
“…is because
of a tragic incident that happened when I was 16 or 17. I have this girlfriend
who was diagnosed with heart complications and the doctor told her family to,
well, just prepare for the worst.”
“Hmm… she
died, didn’t she?” Ben asked quietly.
Christian
nodded. “But shouldn’t I go into details first before telling you that?”
“Yeah…”
“So, just
keep quiet and listen to what I have to say. After all, I’m just telling you
this because you want to know about it,” Christian said to Ben.
Ben
immediately fell into silence and sipped his tea slowly.
“Right…
where was I?” Christian paused and thought about it. “Oh yes, prepare for the
worst thingy. Well, I was there as well when the doctor said that. My
girlfriend at that time didn’t really have any reaction but a few days, the
truth hit her when we’re in RE class together. The teacher was saying something
about people having chronic diseases and those incurable sickness and cancer
and things like that and how we should care for them. She just got up from her
seat and left the class. I followed her and found her at campus, sitting under
a tree and sobbing. My heart went to her and that’s when I realised that the
truth had finally sunk into her head. She didn’t want to die. She felt like
there were a million things that she hadn’t done yet.
“You see,
she was from the orphanage. Her parents adopted her and her sister and she was
grateful for that. If I’m not mistaken, her father’s serving a 15 years
sentence in jail for abusing her as well as her sister and her mother as well –
which includes sexual abuse and brutal physical abuse. There were many rumours
going around in college at that time about her but she bravely stood up for
those rumours, telling the others that those were nothing but rubbish. She was
a great girl and that’s what I’d loved her for.
“Her foster
parents cared a lot for her and her sister. Her foster father is a lawyer and
her mother… well, let’s just say that she’s a housewife. Over all, they’re a
very happy family. It’s nice to see that at least someone who was near her time
to smile and laugh as if nothing’s gonna happen to her.”
Christian
felt tears welling up. Paul could sense that “another flood” might be coming
around soon for Christian.
“Despite the
time that was running out on her, she went on with her life and no one knew
anything about her heart complications; apart from her closest friends and
family members, of course. No one knew when she’s gonna leave and everyone was
hoping that it wouldn’t be too soon. But I think she knew when will be her turn
to go. Nearly all the people around her, including me, are treating her as if
she’s a fragile porcelain vase but she refused to have all those “luxuries”.
“It was hard
for me to sit down and think of the days ahead of me without her in my life. I
thought that I’ll die without her but it was obviously quite wrong. I have to
thank my good friends for their encouragement as well as them being there for
me to help me go through that difficult stage of life as I was coping and
learning how to live without her in my life. I’d loved her too much to let her
go actually.
“There was a
night when she suddenly went wild. It was funny seeing her wild because she was
never like that before. We’re both in her room – I was helping her with her
music coursework. I could feel that a part of her wasn’t her real self and she
wasn’t really listening to what I was saying at that time.
“After quite
a long time, she jumped on me and complained that she was bored and she want nothing
more to do with the coursework so I left the work and asked her what she wanted
to do. She started kissing me and it was pretty wild and she led me to her bed.
“It was
funny that way because I know that’s her first time but I didn’t know that’ll be
her last as well but I have small voice telling me that she knew she’s going to
die the very next second or something. She wanted a taste of bliss before she
leaves us. I didn’t complained and I didn’t object either. If she wants sex,
then it’s sex she’s gonna get.
“And she
did. I’m not ashamed to say that I’d satisfied her well. She didn’t say
anything else apart from telling me that she never wants to leave me. She wants
to be with me all her life and things like that.” The tears were on the edge of
escaping Christian’s eyes.
“The… n…
next morning…” Christian choked on his sentence, feeling tears running down his
face. He gave in to the sobs; his body racking from his inward cries.
Mark, Paul
and Ben jumped up from the couch, as if something had been wretched from them.
Worried, Mark and Ben placed their hands on Christian’s shoulders while Paul
tried to comfort him so that he’ll stop crying. Needless to say, their efforts
bore no fruits.
“Chris,
please…” Paul said slowly. To him, this is not the time neither the place to
cry. They hadn’t really heard the whole story yet but they could tell that this
girlfriend of Christian’s died the following morning.
However, to
Christian, there’s nothing more he could say. They wanted to know about his
past and he’d told them of his girlfriend who’d died. In fact, he’d never
forgotten this girlfriend of his. To him, nothing could replace his girlfriend,
except for someone with the beauty of an angel. He knew from the moment he’d
met her that he’d fallen in love with an angel.
‘My
angel…’ Christian thought sadly, oblivious of the voices around him. ‘Why…
why did you do this to me?’
“This is
hopeless,” Ben said out of his frustration. “Don’t think he’s gonna come around
with his senses any time soon.”
“Ben, at
least we’re still trying,” Paul snapped.
“Best leave
Chris to deal with his emotions, mate. Besides, we weren’t supposed to know
about his past in the first place. We kind of like… well… more like we’d forced
him to tell us,” Mark reasoned wisely.
“Mark, do not
feed us with any of your wise thoughts, alright?” Ben snapped. “I’ve had enough
of all of those!”
“Alright,
alright, wise guy,” Mark shot back.
By then,
Christian was softly humming to himself… sort of. He was more like singing to
himself softly and that made the other three lads stared at him strangely.
Paul nudged
Mark and asked, “What song would that be?”
Mark
shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno… I don’t think it’s by Bruce Springsteen
though.”
“Could be
Westlife’s,” Ben said after they’d listened to Christian for about a minute.
“Eh?” Paul
quizzed. “Shouldn’t be. Do you guys even listen to Westlife?”
“Yeah,” Mark
said. “But this doesn’t sound like any Westlife song.”
Christian
heard bits of the little conversation between Mark, Ben and Paul and knew immediately
that they’d forgotten that he’s still sitting there and was supposedly crying.
He knew it was the song he was singing to himself that had caused them to stop
fussing over him.
‘Yes, the
song was special,’ he thought.
“Chris?”
Paul asked softly whilst looking at Christian who seemed quite lost and quiet
at the moment.
Christian
nodded slightly, showing indication that he’d heard Paul.
“Don’t ever
do that again. You had us worried for a minute there. We thought you’re
thinking of… well… thinking of some unthinkable things that you’re gonna do,”
Paul said, giving Christian a bear-hug that caught Christian off-guard.
“Eh?”
Christian breathed over Paul’s shoulder. “What unthinkable things? If you’re
talking about committing suicide, I wouldn’t do that. If I want to commit
suicide, I might as well did it on the very same day Lyeana di… went away.” He
couldn’t bring himself to say that Lyeana died. It might’ve happened a few
years ago but the hurt was still there, in his heart and it wouldn’t let go. “Erm…
Paul?” Christian called as he felt Paul’s hug getting tighter.
“Yes,
Chris?”
“You can let
go of me now. I think I’m gonna die.”
“Why would
you think that you’re gonna die?”
“’Cause I
can’t breathe, Paul!”
Paul immediately
released Christian and straightened his t-shirt. “So much for trying to comfort
a friend…” he muttered.
“You were very
comforting, Paul, until you started squeezing me,” Christian said. “Besides, it
wasn’t very comfortable when you were this close to my crotch.”
Christian held up his thumb and forefinger, parting the two fingers less than
one millimetre from each other. “Do you even have to sit on my lap?”
“Hate to
burst your bubble, Chris, but the thing is…” Paul drew in his breath and mumbled,
“I was actually sitting on your… you know…”
Ben and Mark
fell into two heaps of hysterics, pounding their fists on the floor and holding
their stomachs while they laughed.
“How would
you know?” Christian asked him back.
“How would I
not know?” Paul shot back. “We have this thing called nerves and skin
and we’re able to feel anything that’s…”
“I think I’d
heard enough, Paul,” Christian said as he rose from the couch, ready to leave.
“See, you’re
smiling now!” Paul said indignantly.
Christian
grinned at him, a sign of “thank you”.
“Wait!” Ben
called.
Christian
stopped abruptly and turned to face Ben. “What you want?”
“The song…
just now…” Ben begun haltingly.
“That song,
was written by a Spanish man that Lyeana and I met when we went to Spain for a
school trip. We made it our song.”
“It’s…
beautiful,” Mark commented quietly.
“It is.”
Christian agreed.
“Do you
think you can sing it again?” Ben asked.
“I
supposed…” Christian took his place on the couch.
The song started low and as it
progressed, it got higher by a note or two.
“Okay… I
don’t understand the song but it’s nice…” Ben said when Christian finished.
“Took my
ages to get familiar with the song,” Christian commented.
“The song
says a lot,” Paul said, a finger to his chin as he stared at the wall opposite
them. Being the only British/Italian member of the band with a Spanish
citizenship, he understood the song clearly.
“It does.”
Christian agreed.
“I didn’t
know you could sing anything in Spanish, until now.”
“Paul, you
know I speak Spanish.”
“But how
fluent are you?”
Christian
punched Paul’s shoulder playfully. “Obviously I’m very good at it.”
Paul pouted
as he rubbed his sore shoulder.
Nothing was
said and the subject of Christian’s girlfriend was brought out anymore
throughout the whole evening.