| PART 4 The dreams are starting again. They usually start around this time. I�m afraid to sleep, because I don�t want to relive it. I wish I could forget it. I wish it didn�t revisit me in my dreams. I thought the nightmares had stopped, but they only reoccur the week of my birthday. My birthday is in two days. Why wouldn�t they come back? It was all my fault. It happened on the week of my birthday. They come to me to tell me that they blame me. Why wouldn�t they? Alex used to haunt me in my dreams, but I guess he felt I paid for my sins. I still blame myself for his death. After all, if I'd never introduced him to the aliens he�d still be alive right now. Why did Max have to save me that day? Why couldn�t he let me die? Everyone who was important in my life died because of that one incident. I was probably supposed to die that day. His saving me caused the effects that are happening now. I�m so tired. I want to lie down and close my eyes and sleep, but I know once sleep comes over me my nightmares will be back. I�m afraid of them. I�ve avoided sleep for two days now, but I feel it catching up to me. I also can tell Michael is worried. He doesn�t say anything, but I see it in his eyes. I�m hoping I�ll get so exhausted that the dreams won�t come. I�m going to attempt to go to sleep. I�m hoping they�ll leave me alone just for tonight. Just for a little while. I close my journal and put it back in my hiding place. I carefully climb into bed. Scared and hopeful. Scared because I�m afraid the dreams will haunt me. Hopeful because maybe this one night I�ll be able to sleep. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, I fall asleep. That�s when the images bombard me. I thrash in my sleep trying to wake up, but I don�t. They come to me saying, "It�s your fault. If you hadn't insisted that we hurry, we�d still be alive. You were always selfish. You didn�t want to be alone on your birthday, so you made us promise to rush. If we'd taken our time like we planned we'd still be here. I scream, �I�m sorry.� I feel someone holding me down. I start thrashing. Trying to get the person away from me. I'm scared. Then I get images, different images. **Me working in the backroom./ Me staring out the window./ Me cleaning the tables./ In each image, I see sadness in my eyes.** Then they stop. I hear someone whisper, �I�m here. It�ll be okay. Shhh�.� I realize it�s Michael�s voice. I start to calm down. He moves to get up, but I stop him. I don�t want to be left alone. I�m so scared. Tears start to run down my face. I turn my back to him, because I don�t want him to see me like this. I feel him climb into my bed next to me. He pulls me flush to his chest and holds me tightly while my sobs rake over my body. I fall into a deep dreamless sleep for the first time. |