RandomKisses

We kissed.

Slow, sweet, spicy-

It was everything I expected it to be and no I am not ashamed.

If anything I feel liberated.

I no longer need to hide behind a veil of confusion. I know who I am, what I want, what I need-

I need him.

When we touched I saw stars. His hands, rough in their masculinity yet gentle in the unique way that is just his, seared my skin. His lips-

God his lips-

I want to surround myself with him, his essence forever. I want his kisses; I need his arms holding me. Tightly, as though worlds would die if we parted.

He makes me feel alive.

When we are together I feel needed, when he touched me I felt as though the stars would fall from their stations in the night sky and rain down onto the desert, surrounding us with their sickly silver glow. I felt-

I felt complete.

It was a wonderful feeling.

~*~

Stars rush past my eyes as gold silver flashes of agony. They tear into my soul, exposing its essence to the universe while I spin alone letting it happen.

He kissed me.

He kissed me and I let him. I let him and I enjoyed it, I enjoyed it so much that I-

I touched him.

My hands are now defiled and I want to burn them. I want the skin to peel exposing pink flesh to a salty sky. I want to howl in agony as the elements bore into my flesh reclaiming what has been forever tainted.

I want to die but I can�t. I can�t because I love her too much.

If I truly loved her would I have touched him?

I don�t know and this confusion makes me spin harder. I want this child�s toy to spin so fast that I take off. I want to fly far into the sky before plummeting to the ground breaking into a thousand fragments that no unearthly King could ever put back together again.

I betrayed her. Or did I betray him by loving her in the first place?

Perhaps I am betraying myself by not knowing what I want. That has to be it; it must all be my fault. I am always to blame, why not now?

He kissed me.

He kissed me and I let him�

~*~

I spent my entire life chasing shadows.

I can see it all so clearly now. My entire existence right from the very beginning has been a shambles. Right from the moment of conception- but now that no longer matters. I am born again.

With his kisses I can start again. With his touch my life is redefined-

I am no longer the same King I was before. I don�t have to be.

I can be whatever I choose-

I choose to be free.

~*~

At dawn the desert sun weeps slowly into the sky. Tender and slow as though into a lover�s embrace. I stare mesmerised.

When did my life become so complicated?

There was time all I had to worry about were secrets and lies. Now the entire universe has shifted under my feet and I have no idea where to turn. There are no clues here; no subtle pieces of evidence that I can scrutinise in order to find an answer. There is no answer, or if there is I am much too stupid to figure it out.

I am lost.

I lost myself in his arms; in his lips and even though I know it is wrong I need to go back. As much as I love her, as much as I need her to define who I am and what I will become, as much as I want to bury myself into her heat-

Only he can help me find my way back.

Only Max.

The End