By Sabrina Wilson - Telecommunicator
Harrison County Bureau Of Emergency Services
You'll never know the feeling of Sorrow as I sit on the phone with a woman whose husband of fifty years is not breathing. As I calmly give CPR instructions to her, I listen to her cry because she can not do it. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of complete Helplessness, as I sit on the phone with a child who is watching his father beat his mother. I try to comfort the child until the police get there, knowing he is terrified. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Frustration as I sit on the phone with someone calling in a barking dog complaint, as an officer calls in a traffic stop and another dispatcher is telling me I have a call to dispatch, all at the same time. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Worry, as I take a domestic call, the male has a gun and threatens to shoot anyone that comes near him. As I talk the man into putting the weapon down and stepping outside to speak with the officer, the phone line goes quiet. My heart stops until I hear one subject in custody. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Fear, as I send the fire department to a structure fire. Knowing that some of my friends are on the engine and they will be walking into a fiery inferno, I sit on the edge of my chair not knowing if they are ok until the last engine calls in station. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Anger as I try to give an officer a call who then advises that he is out of service and he forgot to radio in or he forgets to call in service from a call that he was on. But I am supposed to know where they are at all times and get criticized when I don't. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Happiness, as I take a call from a woman in labor with her second child. As the ambulance responds, I give instructions to prepare her for the delivery of her baby. The ambulance gets there just in time to see the baby born. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Anxiousness as I hear sirens screaming in the back ground as an officer attempts to stop a vehicle who only speeds up at the sight of the cruiser. The vehicle stops, but the excitement continues as the driver flees on foot for the woods, shooting at the pursuing officers. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Failure after talking to an eighteen year old female with a gun on her lap wanting to take her life. After an hour of talking, I hear the gun discharge. I now live with knowing I am the last person she ever heard and the last she ever spoke to. Holding back my emotions I go on.
You'll never know the feeling of Understanding as I take a call from a eight year old boy whose dog just died on his lap. He wants the ambulance to come and help his best friend. Knowing there is nothing they can do, I try to help him understand, remembering my first pet. Holding back my emotions I go on.
Most importantly you'll never know the feeling of Relief as I end my shift knowing I did my best with every call I took. Knowing every Officer, EMS worker and Firefighter on my shift returned home safely to their families, I say a prayer of thanks. Forgetting all my ears have heard that day I go home to my family. Holding back my emotions I go on.
Sabrina Wilson
7/01/02 BACK