My Words My Heart
First Kiss
I need to feel, I've been cold so long
the soft silk of hair through my fingers
the hot velvet of a tongue through my lips
the soft tug of a hand in my hair
the delicate sweep of lashes across my face
the power of a thigh pressed into my belly
my breast crushed against the hot wall of a chest
arms wrapped around my body pulling me
closer...closer...closer still
pressed tight into the hips of this man
with his lips all over my face
my ears my eyes my lips
drawing my tongue into the moist heat
his mouth tasting like cinnamon
the slow release of my face from between his hands
feeling the slacking pressure of his lips
withdrawing from mine
the fluttering eyelids opening
revealing the face of the man I never knew
though known all my life
April 30.1998
Today Is Not My Day
A maid and her minions play
on the twisted landscape of my brain
The tiny heels of their tny shoes
making potholes of my thoughts
Dancing gaily round the maypole of depression
Weaving dreams in intricate patterns
Fear and neuroses are the sculpture of obsession
And freedom is the tethered ball of passion.
July 30, 1998
The Battle
The pusing song of love undone / by a grinding tooth to loosen / echoes in my consciousness / while shattered illusions of celibacy / float before my eyes, mirrored in his gaze / The softness of velvet on my fingers / tempers hot steel encased in my glove / It felt so tight, soft at first / then a fullness on the inside / A ritual dance, honest and sweet / if somewhat delayed / By my field adversary / A groove to the dance we do / to circle my hips his passion / my only paradise / To arch my body to heaven in throes of love / and call his name to the stars / will be the end of journey / the goal of my trek on this field of extacy / for I've felt the heat of battle and the lust for blood / but only in dreams of him / as he leaves this battle with marks of mine / only to come and have them renewed.
October, 1998
Whitman's Model
My consciousness streams and I write down the flow
What the ink pens, even I don't know
eyes wide shut against the leaves of grass
lead to dirt filled teeth and a green stained ass
So never let your pen put down on paper
Something you don't want your friends to read later
For your thoughts in words are a frightening lot
and you can't let them see what they don't know they got.
December 11, 1998
Lost
Standing in a crossfire - no outlet for desire
Striving for perfection - in an unrelenting mire
Seeking absolution - in an unforgiving gaze
Crying for forgiveness - from a silk and guilden cage.
Praying for salvation - in an unrepentant pose
Findin aggravaion - in someone no one knows
Looking for a sign - approval from beyond
Standing last in line - waiting for your love
November 1998
Missing You
Your eyes sparkle like diamonds 'neath the lake at noon
Your lips lush as morning's rose, kissed by midnight's dew
Your voice soft as a river breeze through lace curtains in August
Your presence as much a comfort as cocoa in December.
December 20, 1998
Weary
I went around the world today, the distance wasn't much / To hear that quiet voice again my heart it used to touch / The first step was so easy, it led me to the door / the second step I knew, I'd done it twice before / the tone and ulse of fingersteps / as they pres those tiny buttons / only pause and trip a bit and never left a message / today it would be different, I'd take that final leap / I went around the world today and only took four steps.
January 21, 1999.
Nathan's Cliff
I came to you and felt the rain / It dried my long falling tears / I smiled at you and felt the sun / feed the flower of my heart / I longed to touch you - surround myself / in the cloud of your soul / and rest my weary eyes in your shadow / I look up and see your gaze / the startling blue of lost ocean days / and feel the sky envelope me. / The thunder of your voice / awakens the lightening in my veins / warning of dangerous currents in this unmatched pair. / You stand on the edge of everything in life / too young to let me be your guide / too old to let me walk away.
February 11, 1999
Requited
On the wind he called me
In my ear he whispered
and my heart answered gratefully
With an unequivocal
"I don't know"
In the air he sang
and on my tongue I speak into deafness which heard
the cry of lonliness
"I shall think on you"
and rendered his query useless
My answer tomorrow my be "no"
but the, perchance, "yes"
in my dreams he eyes me - on my waking I see his face
eyes blind to everything I cannot see
My happiness is loosed from her prison
January 22, 1999
Outcast
Whispered words against me / become a riot of cries
A cautious word of warning / is just a mountain of lies
a wave of doubt in you / becomes a sea of distrust
the truth as told out loud / is spoken out of lust
the hunger that you're feeling / is the sabateur's decoy
a friendship that was healing / she set out to destroy
and you with all your fear / fell right into her trap
a friend you've loved for years / can never take you back.
July 30, 1998
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