it's nice to be important.. but its more important to be nice!
famous last words: trust me i know what i'm doing
famous last words: what could possibly go wrong?
famous last words: watch this!
Is adult entertainment killing our children? or is killing children entertaining adults?
sometimes I think that the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there, is that none of it has tried to contact us
If God wanted me to touch my toes he would've put them on my knees
Jesus loves you =) everyone else thinks you're a jerk
could it be that all those trick-or-treaters in white sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
what was the best thing before sliced bread?
if swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy ;)
Your job is still better than asking 'ya want fries with that?' **except for maybe if you work at the reject shop lol**
I intend to live forever... so far, so good
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them
Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex'. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal.
(U) you might regret what you do - but you'll regret what you dont do SO much more (U)
anything is possible ... unless ur britney spears and want to sing
make luv not war, on the bed, not the floor
there�s east to west .. and north to south .. but my favourite direction is mouth to mouth
patient: doctor doctor i cant feel my legs! doctor: of course you can't, i've cut off you arms!
({)HUGS(}) NOT (B)DRUGS(B)
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
when i see you my heart races, just like a fat man chasing a run away donut
my love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in
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