|
|
It amazes me how thoughtful and caring you are, even though you don't know who I am, or what I've done. I'm in pain, I'm a bitch, I'm such a bitch and I deserve everything I've ever gotten. I control my friendships, I bitch at my friends, I yell at my mother, I'm awful to my brother, I nag and nag at my friends, and I don't even know why I'm doing all of this. I can't take my own advice, and advice really, and I'm just going to end up going back to cutting, I know it, and the scary thing is, I don't know when. I look at pictures of myself and when I see myself smiling, I try to reach inside for that happiness and it's not there anymore. It's never there anymore. It just hurts so bad inside and I want to bring it out and cutting is the only way but it doesn't matter because I can't. I just can't let myself be that anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm scared because I don't know that person. I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! I just want to leave and run away, but I can't. And I have to be strong, because if I'm not then everyone will fall apart. So I'm empty. Shit, I hate this so much. |
|
