The Judge comes in, trying to stuff the remains of a ham sandwich and a root beer into his mouth. All rise.

"Court is now in session." The judge sits, "you may be seated"

Everyone sits down. The bailiffs take popcorn away from several spectators.

The judge fixes them a cool eye and then moves on. "What is next for examination by the court?"

"Your honor, I would like to address Detective Zack Glennan's charges next," Lee Galease says.

"Very well. Do you want to read the testimony?"

"No your honor... it has already been entered in, and I would like to call my first witness?"

"Proceed then." the judge said

"I call Zack Glennan to the stand."

Zack approached the bench coolly and his hand softly covered the book.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I do."

Zack was seated and Lee approached him respectfully."Now Mr. Glennan... your claim is that your original role as Ivy's partner/sibling has been dumbed down to pointless slapstick... used only to flesh out the holes in the plot."

"Exactly, sir. Initially we were supposed to be a team with complementary talents."

"Specifically these complements were?"

"Basically that I would be the 'Brain' so to speak... help out with languages and such... and she would be the brawn... Someone who acted and wasn't afraid to fight."

"I see. And when did this change?"

"Well, it started on the first episode. Ivy never gets that annoyed when I call her sis, and in that up she was absolutely furious about it."

"Hmm... was there ever another time when calling her 'sis' upset her? During the episodes I mean..."

"It would have been in the earlier episodes, although the pilot is the only one I remember distinctly."

"So you think that the 'sis' addition was a way of establishing you as a comic figure?"

"Initially no, I thought that they were trying to establish Ivy as the older, dominant partner... but later episodes made me wonder."

"Such as?"

"Well... um..." he said blushing, "During the 'Scavenger' shoot I got the Russian fight scene as a last minute re-write... The one where I acted like Curly?"

"Yes we've seen the ep, Zack.":

"That was embarrassing."

"Explain to us what you were feeling."

"Well... I felt betrayed. The scene was initially a dual fight where I helped Ivy with some basic martial arts moves. But all of a sudden I'm knocking over henchmen because of moves, directed by pure luck! I still can't watch that scene to this day..."

"I imagine not."

"Your honor, this is absurd!" DIC's lawyer shouts. "He's just objecting because, like most teenage boys, he objects to being a bit awkward."

"I know I am awkward, sir," Zack told the lawyer "but I am not that bad. May I finish?"

After the judge glares at him, DIC's lawyer sits down and sneaks another nip from his flask.

"Well, I freely admit I am not as good with the physical stuff as my sister, and I probably won't ever be. But I have passed all of Acme's required self-defense courses, and Ivy's given me some coaching."

"So you think you could defend yourself in a fight for you life?"

"Yes." he said calmly "And without impersonating a Stooge or a Chan."

"Now, please go on to the other incidents."

"Well, in another ep... I can't remember the name of it right now... I try to find a girlfriend during a Carmen scheme involving a giant chessboard... Now I admit to doing less-than-sane things to impress a girl. But in the ep I broke nearly every 'ACME code' for investigating a crime scene. I went in alone to potential dangerous situations time and again.. I insisted on trying to beat Carmen at her own game... Which, I may add, you will never see me doing except for the tigress episode."

"I believe the episode is Scavenger Hunt," Lee comments. "In that episode, wasn't your sister also in danger?"

"That's another thing. I put my sister in danger, purposely put he in the path of harm to impress Tatyanna. "

"Which you would never do?"

"No. Never. Not only is it pointless and stupid, I would bever harm another person to boost my ego."

"Thank you," Lee Galease said, "No further questions."

DIC's lawyer stood. Briefly, he paused considering. Then he shakingly approached the bench.

"Mr. Glennan... it is your claim that you have never been taken seriously, and that we have, in every episode, purposly gone out of our ways to turn you into some sort of slapstick clown."

"Not in every episode, but in the bulk of them, yes."

"According to our writings, the stooge bits were entirely your idea."

"When exactly was this?" Zack asked

"Immediately prior to the filming of one of the disputed eps.

"Which episode is that Counselor?" the Judge asked.

"The one called 'Scavenger Hunt' your honor" DIC said.

"Objection, your honor! Zack Glennan did not ask for a three stooges fight scene to be put in! He simply mentioned this to one of the writers."

"Do you have documentation of this?" The judge asked.

"Yes, sir." he offers some documents. "These are statements by witnesses that the mention was made jokingly."

The judge looked over the papers. "Objection sustained. Bailiff enter both these sets of papers into evidence. Continue Counselor.."

"And is not also true that you and your sister don't get along?" DIC's lawyer continues bravely ...

"We get along as well as siblings do." Zack admitted "There is alot of pressure on the set... and yes, sometimes we fight or play pranks on each other. However," he went on, "I would never do anything to really hurt her, nor would she do anything to hurt me."

"Except for the noodle incident."

"The ... noodle incident was a complete accident."

"It wasn't a complete accident Zack..." the lawyer smirked, "You planned it for months.. and you almost backed out of it, knowing how dangerious it could be..."

"Now wait just a minute.." Zack said, "It wasn't all that dangerious! It was just really messy... And I cleaned up the set myself afterwards..."

"Wait a minute!" The judge bellowed "What is this Noodle incident?"

"err ...." Zack muttered. DIC's lawyer smirked, and Ivy shook her head.

"Your honor, I suggest we leave that subject alone and delve into more important matt-" Lee tried

"No! We are not going any farther until someone explains what the hell is a noodle 'incident' is!"

"Your honor..." the DIC guy tried "It was messy prank involving one of our soundstages and a LOT of spaghetti... Let's just leave it at that..."

"Spaghetti? Soundstage! Someone is telling me precisely what this was about, immediately!"

Zack groans. "Your honor, it was a prank I pulled ...

"I understood that much young man!" The judge bellowed "What exactly did it entail, and why did it need several pounds of spagetti?"

Carmen and Ivy look at each other with a 'why did they drag that up' expression.

"You see, your honor, things had been very tense on the set for a while.." Zack started "... and I wanted to break the tension ... "

"Go on.."

"Well... one of the prop guys was showing me how to work one of Carmen's exploding grappling hook fixtures.. you know, showing how to change it from the hook to a net launcher. And I asked him if it would work with other stuff... he said, yeah as long as it fit in the compartment that fit under Carmen's trenchcoat... so I started experimenting with different stuff. Well Ivy and I were having a prank fight one day. And they were serving spaghetti on the lunch cart."

"I see ... "

"So I started thinking.. Ivy hates spaghetti... and it works with spaghetti.. and it can be activated by remote..."

"I see." The Judge looks completely non-plussed.

"So I loaded up a few of the launchers and activated them between a take. Total chaos. I even got a bucket of meatballs, hanging in the rafters to drop at just the right moment... it was beautiful. Of course no one else thought it was.. But, like I said before, I cleaned up the set while everyone else went to break."

"Understood. Counselor, you may resume questioning."

Zack took a deep breath out.

"So you are not as 'Mature' as you claim, it seems.." the lawyer smiled.

"I am no less mature than the people who plan practical jokes for shows such as Candid Camera. And contrary to your earlier assertion, it was not that dangerous a prank. The worst that could have happened was a slip."

"A slip could cause other, worse medical problems!" the attorney wined "Weren't you the least bit concerned that someone could trip and break their neck?"

"The same thing could have happened on the set without the spaghetti..." Zack answered him coolly

"Very well. Now, as to what you might do to impress a girl..."

"I object!" Lee said. "This is merely a fishing expedition!"

"I agree." the judge said "Objection sustained."

"No further questions," DIC's lawyer sighs.

Zack took a deep breath and eased out of the witness chair. He went back to the table. "Why does everyone bring that up," he sighed.

"Are there any further witnesses to be called?"

"The Chief, Your Honor."

the Chief floats up to the witness stand and takes the oath.

"Place your..." the bailiff starts, then skips to "To swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do."

"Please.. Please take your place in the witness box..." The Chief floated over and arranged himself in the witness box.

Lee approaches the stand. "Your complaint is that you are treated as an object of humor, and not given the respect you deserve, correct?"

"That is correct."

"Would you please elaborate?"

"Well," he said softly "in nearly episode I have been scripted to provide anywhere from four to thirteen sight gags.. say a minimum of six jokes... there is barely an episode where I am not acting like I'm in desperate need of LD medication."

"I see. Go on."

"All I want is some respect. I am in charge of the largest and most respected detective agency in the world. Even Russia will allow Acme agents to work freely. I would like to be allowed some dignity to do my job."

"Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?" Lee asked the jury. He turned back to the Chief, "Yet interestingly enough, another part of your suit deals with emotional distress inflicted during the episode 'Follow in my Footsteps'."

"That was not a pleasant episode for me."

"Please explain to the jury why."

"Well..." the Chief continued with difficulty, "First of all, little kids don't need to see death and violence in our show. They can find it anywhere else, they shouldn't have that shoved in their faces. And after that episode was accepted, the Maelstrom series and the CYEGHA two part aired.. It showed that the network didn't care about content... just ratings. And secondly.." he faltered for a second, his voice changing keys. "Excuse me..."

"Do you need a minute?" Lee asked

"No... no." he swallowed briefly and continued "Secondly I hated the whole concept of Carmen's death... Carmen and I have know each other for nearly fifteen years, and needless to say, we're close. For the week the episode was being shot, I worried that they were going to kill her off, in the script anyway.. And since they shot all the happier scenes earlier in the week, I had to pretend Carmen was missing.. dying somewhere we couldn't reach for days on end. It was hard.. And it was real, after a while.. there were some days when I called her up just to confirm she was still alive..."

Carmen wipes her eyes. Ivy gently lays a hand on hers.

"No further questions, Your Honor," Lee says quietly.

The DIC people looked at the spell that had been cased over the courtroom, and huddled for several minutes.

The Chief took the time to fix his tie and take a tiny sip out of a nearby glass of water.

Finally the head DIC lawyer stood up and approached the judge. "Your Honor, we have no questions for this witness and would like to move to closing statements."

"Mr. Galease?"

"I have no objections."

"Agreed.'

Lee was the first to go. He had a soft smile of victory on his face as he approached the jury box.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, Ms. Sandiego, Detectives Ivy and Zack Glennan, and the Chief have dealt with quite a lot from DIC over the time of their employment. It was not an easy decision for them to seek redress through the courts, and as you can tell, it was not an easy experience. Their show was supposed to be non-violent, a safe space for children. Instead, they were given violence and death, and humiliation. DIC has attempted in this court to smear Ms. Glennan's reputation, since it was unable to defend its own actions. It has tried to smear Mr. Glennan for his high-spiritedness. And it has subjected the Chief to quite an ordeal by forcing him to go through a script where his adopted daughter appeared to have died. I ask you to not let them get away with these actions. Ms. Sandiego, the Glennans, the Chief ... they deserved better than what they were given."

Lee took his seat and the DIC rep made his way to the jury box.

"Emotions. They are the key to the heart of human existence. The essence of the human experience. In a normal court, if the jury was given only the cold hard facts, every murder case would end with jail time. But emotions show the people behind the crimes.. the truth of the situation. The defense has given you nothing but those cold hard facts. The events as they happened, yet none of the emotions of those events. Oh, they've indicated emotions about certain points... but they have always fallen short. They have fallen short because they know that if the whole situation was revealed they wouldn't have a leg to stand on.. That their so-called 'injustices' are nothing more than the bitchy whimpers of a group of actors, watching what they take as the disintegration of their jobs... and their almost-admirable determination to not go without a fight. Think with your emotions- as well as with the facts- and ladies and Gentlemen.. you will reveal the truth, time and again.

The bailiffs escort the jury to a deliberating room. The lawyers retreat to their respective waiting rooms.

"Well cross your fingers, and hope for the best.." Ivy said when the doors were closed.

"I think the jury were impressed by the Chief," Zack said.

"I think so too.." Carmen admitted

"Oh?" the Chief said, still pretty mild, "Well thank you... thank you very much.."

"Juries are unpredictable," Lee said with a sigh. "You just never know ..."

"Well, let's not get discouraged..." Carmen said. "Let's just get comfortable and hope for the best.. We could be here for a while.."

"Too bad we can't order out for pizza," Zack said. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Ivy replied.

"Well, there is a vending machine down the hall..." the Chief said, "And a payphone.. we could order in if were really... what?" the last part was to Ivy who was fixing the Chief with the Look of Death.

"Don't encourage him!"

"Sorry! Just wanted to help..." the Chief was cut off by Lee screaming.

"Aaaiiee! Zack, what are you doing?!?!"

"I'm rummaging through the cabinets, what does it look like?" the teen said as he dug through a very dust cherry side cabinet.

"Well stop it!"

"Get some food in here, and I just might!" he shot back, playfully.

Lee groaned. "If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer..."

"Zack, sit down!"

"In a sec Ivy... hey, a mini-fridge!"

Ivy grabbed her younger brother by the ear and threw him in a chair.

"We're never going to survive a full hour..." the Chief groaned. Ivy was giving Zack a power noogie.

"Tell me about it! Ow! Ivy stop it!"

Carmen shook her head. "Will both of you please stop that?"

Ivy let go of her little brother. Zack ran to the other side of the room, and dug into his previously forgotten backpack.

Lee came into the room suddenly, his arms full of soda and bottled water. "The Pizzas coming in an hour."

"Rightcious!" Zack crooned, opening a surge as he pulled a game boy out of his pack.

"Remind me...how long do these things usually take?" the Chief asked Carmen.

"It varies, Chief. It depends on how divided the jury is," Carmen replied. "What did you get on the pizza, Lee?"

"Everything but anchovies and onions."

"Thank you..." Ivy said. "I hate anchovies..." she walked over to Zack, paused, then for no reason slapped him upside the head.

"Ivy!" Carmen, Lee and Chief said at once.

"What?"

"I don't think I'm gonna survive a couple hours of this.." the Chief moaned.

"Chill out chief... It might not be a couple hours.. Hey, if you really want something to do... there's a chess set in the cabinet."

Carmen took out the chess set and set up the board. Ivy pulled a thick book out of her bag and flipped through it to find her place.

Zack was even considerate enough to plug in his game boy's headphones. With everyone occupied, calm descended on the room...

... until the arrival of the pizza.

"Hey! Smells good... thin crust? You got thin crust?" Ivy asked Lee

"I happen to like thin crust!" the lawyer defended.

Ivy groaned and took two slices of pizza. "The crust is the best part!"

Zack pushed past his sister and took four pieces.

Carmen looked into the box and took a slice, picking off the olives. "God, I hate these things.."

"Carmen, let me get you a napkin for that.." Lee said, worried about the finish of the desk.

"Zack, don't be such a pig!"

"I'm nopht beihing a phig!" he defended..

"Eeewww, can't you keep your mouth closed?!"

"What? Donh't you like Seha food?" he asked opening his mouth wide. "Seha food! Geht it?"

"Zack, swallow please!" Carmen said "That's completely.. Hey! I saw that!" She finished to the Chief, as he tried to switch a threatening rook with an already captured pawn.

Lee took out his cell phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"The Professor's therapist. I hope he's not booked solid."

"Hey! What an insult!" Ivy protested

"yeah, really!" zack said, after swallowing.

"Lee, put down that phone and sucumb to the insanity." Carmen said dryly, "That's an order.."

"But - "

"Who's paying you?"

Lee puts down the phone and grabs some pizza.

"Good boy." Carmen smiled.

"Hey, who says money can't buy the best things in life?" Ivy asked.

"I do!" Zack said, in a falsetto voice, playing with one of Carmen's discarded olives. "I'm Mr. Olive! Do-be-do-be..Aie!" he said as the olive went over the edge of the desk...

"This is why Mom took your TV away, Zack."

Lee looked at the pizza and picked off the pepperoni. "Pepperoni ... bleah ... "

"You don't like pepperoni, Lee?" The Chief asked, in awe. "I didn't know anyone DIDN'T like pepperoni!"

"No, I don't. Neither does the Professor, actually."

"What?!?! Woah.."

"Nah, she hates pepperoni. she likes anchovies though, God only knows why."

"Wow.. It's weird, I always thought pepperoni love was universal..."

"This is the Professor we're talking about," Zack said. "She probably doesn't even like ice cream."

"Nobody doesn't like ice cream!" the Chief exclaimed.

"You're wrong there," Carmen said. "She loves ice cream. Especially chocolate and butter pecan."

Ivy shook her head and looked up from her book. "How did we get on the subject of her food likes anyway?"

The room was silent for a split second.

"...I... think it's time for a new topic.." Ivy said

"Agreed." Carmen said, "What else?"

"Well ... umm ... what have you been reading lately?"

"Legal briefs. I've been breathing this case ever since it started.." Carmen replied.

"Same here." Lee responded."

"Um... Henry James.." the Chief said. "Or at least trying to.. I don't see what the fuss about, though... the guy is BORing..."

"Read? Uh .. " Zack is at a loss.

"I've been reading Way of the Warrior for the last two weeks ... or trying to. I never got Henry James either, Chief."

"Thank God! I'm not the only one.."

"Or Jane Austen. I hated having to read her for class."

"Poe is kinda cool though.." The Chief admitted

"I love Poe!" Zack exclaimed.

"Really? Dude, what's your fave story?"

"The Tell-Tale Heart. Yours?"

"Lol...damn! Can't think of the title.. I think it's something like Lolita... It's the one where the guy marries his true love and when she dies she comes back to kill his next wife and drag him into madness?"

"Morella, I think."

"Nah, it was an L-O-something.... This is going to bother me for the rest of the day..."

"Don't you hate that?"

"Yes! Argh... Lolati? Lolatina?"

"So how many black belts do you have, Ivy?" Carmen asked, picking the olives off another piece of pizza.

Ivy thought. "Four. I just earned my black belt in aikido."

"Really? When did you get that one?"

"Just last month, when I finally managed to make it to the belt test."

"Your parents must be very proud.."

Ivy grinned. "Mom still doesn't get it."

"The philosophy or why you started in the first place?"

"Either one."

"Well, it's good to keep it up, even if no one, but you, understands why.."

"Oh, yes ... it's not like I'd quit now. I have students now anyway."

"Really?"

"I started assistant-teaching in Tae Kwon Do a couple years ago, and now I run several classes on my own."

"You sound like you really enjoy it."

"Oh, I do. Not quite as much as I enjoy detective work, but I do enjoy it."

"Good." the thief said warmly, "Although, I hope nothing replaces ACME in your heart... it's good to do something you love..."

They both looked over at Zack and the Chief, who had created little men out of the pizza tables and leftover olives, and were using them to give book reviews

"..no matter how bizarre others think it."

ivy laughed. "you know, carmen ... I wish you hadn't left ..."

"Sometimes I do to.." the thief said softly. "But time can't be turned back..."

"No ... too bad. We would have made a great team."

"I've often thought so..." Carmen said.

"But I didn't think you did."

"Why do you say that?"

Carmen looked away, uncomfortable. "I never thought you thought of me as anything more than a ... coworker at best ..."

Lee's cell phone rang.

He answered it as naturally as coughing.. "Yes?.. What?.. It was a joke... No...Joke! Like 'Ha-ha!'?... Listen... I'll pay for it... yes... yes.. good bye!"

"I don't want to know," Carmen said.

"Me either," Ivy replied.

"Oh.. um.. that? Nothing.." Lee obfuscated

"Hey, Ivy? Do olives burn?" Zack asked holding out his lighter.

"DON'T DO IT!" Ivy said, taking away the lighter.

"What?!? A guy doesn't just walk through a fireworks factory smoking without some kind of reprocussions!" The Chief protested.

"What ... nevermind. I don't care. Burn stuff at - no, don't burn anything at home or Mom will make you go live with Aunt Mary."

Carmen raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Zack paled. "Not the one with the hundreds of cats!"

"Yes. You know how mad she got the last time you burned anything."

"What exactly happened 'the last time'?" Carmen asked.

"Uh ... I don't ... Ivy, don't or - "

"You do and I'll - "

"You talk about that and Mom finds out - "

"Dad finds out who - "

"Guys..guys! What happened?"

Neither sibling would look at the thief.

"Ok... is it worse that the noodle incedent?"

There was total silence.

"uh, so, anyway, Ive, when are your classes this week?"

"Oh no.. guys, just tell me... worse than noodle incident or better?"

"Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Zack."

"Guys."

"Uh ... well ... Mom and Dad would say worse ... " Zack said.

"OK... and what exactly got burned?"

"that was a different incident ..."

"So the burning was one thing.. the aunt with the cats was another?"

"Right ... "

"And the Aunt thing was... worse than the noodle incident?"

"well ... Mom and Dad thought so ..."

"How so?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It's alright... C'mon, what else to we have to do?"

"I said, I don't want to talk about it."

"All right.." Carmen said, "I don't want to force you.."

Zack retreated into the corner with his gameboy again.

Suddenly, the door opened. 'The jury has reached a verdict."

"This is it people!" Lee said excitedly,

"Let's not keep the jury waiting." They filed back into the courtroom.

The Judge returned. "Have you reached a verdict?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Please read it."

"We the jury, find, in the case of Glennan, Glennan and Sandiego vs DIC inc international that the defendant DIC inc international is guilty under ten out of the ten terms in the suit."

DIC's lawyer faints.

The formalities of calling the jury members continue over the hub of the joyous noise in the courtroom. The Glennans, Lee, Carmen and the Chief merge into a single group hug. The DIC inc lawyers try to revive their colleague and demand an appeal.

"And the punishment?"

"We sentence DIC Inc. International to produce 26 more episodes of WOEICS, and to completely rewrite and reshoot the offending episodes."

All present accept the DIC execs scream in happiness... Absolute pandemonium. Fifteen or twenty minutes later, the courtroom has calmed down.

"Great work, all. Come on. Let's go spread the news."

All link arms and walk out, leaving the Judge to smile.

"And I thought this job was boring." He said with a smile.