| The Channel Swimmer Would you hear of a wild tale of adventure of a hero who tackled the sea, a super-man swimming the ocean then hark to the tale of Gary the fish Our Channel our own straits of Dover had been swam by an alien lot Our own British born swimmers, but that was as far as they got So great was the outcry in England Darts players neglected their beer and the Chancelor proclaimed from the woolsack as Gary was the chap of this 'ere For in swimming baths all round the country Gary were noted for daring and strength Quite often he'd dive in the deep end and thought nothing of swimming a length So they wrote to him C/o workhouse Master Gary were spending the summer with him and promised him two christmas puddings if over the channel he'd swim Gary jumped into the breach lik a hero He said "all their fears I'll relieve" and it isn't their puddings I'm after as I told them last christmas eve "Though many have tackled the Channel From Griz-nez to Dover that is for the glory and honour of England I'll swim from Dover to Griz-niz" As soon as his words were made public the newspapers gathered around and offered to give him a pension if he lost both his legs and got drowned He borrowed a tug from the Navy to swim the shelter alee the wireless folk lent him a wavelength and the waterboard lent him the sea His Rob strapped a mascot around him the tears to his eyes gently stole with some guiness corks he had collected and stitched to an old camisole He entered the water at daybreak his Rob with a camera stood near he said "hurry up and get in lad your spoiling my view of the pier" At last he was in he were swimming with a beautiful overarm stroke when the men on the tug saw with horror that the rope he were tied to had broke Then down came a fog thick as treacle the tug looked so distant and dim A voice shouted "help, I am drowning" Gary listened and found it were him The tug circled round till they found him they hauled him aboard like a sac tied a new tow rope around him slapped him and threw him back It was at sunset or just a bit later that he realised all wasn't right for the tow rope were trailing around him and the noose round his waste getting tight One hasty glance over his shoulder he saw in a flash what were wrong the Captain had shut off his engine Gary were towing the tug boat along On and on through the darkness he paddled till he knew he were very near in by the way he kept bumping the bottom and hitting the stones with his chin Was it Griz-niz he'd reached? no it wasn't the trecherous tide in it's track had carried him half way to Blackpool and he had to walk all the way back. |
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