My world now revolved around the fact that Miya's parents didn't want me to see him. And they weren't doing it because they were loving, doting parents that wanted the best for their child, they just hated me and the fact that I was responsible for Miya and his sexual preference. They've always hated me. Since the time we met in grade school and we got in trouble together, his parents hated me. In middle school when I talked him into skipping class with me so we could go into the city and watch a movie or go shopping and then later get caught his parents blamed it on me, saying I was the worse influence. From there, they cut off Miya's phone privileges and anytime I called, they hung up on me or if Miya called me, they would listen in to see who he was talking to. The only time I saw Miya was during school. By high school, I got so tired of that, I just started coming over. My second year of high school, since I spent so much time there, his parents stopped letting me in. They lied, saying Miya was out or he was studying or he wasn't home at all. So, by my third year, I was sneaking in through Miya's window at night. He and I would talk all the time, just doing what friends do. He couldn't go out a lot because his parents assumed it would be me he was coming to see and most of the time they were right. Any moment Miya could go out, he did and we hung out. When I got my license and Aoki bought me my first car, I took Miya everywhere. I took him home after school, to study groups and when I went out to party, I helped Miya sneak out and we would both go. It was something Miya's parents couldn't take away from us. But they sure as hell tried. Now, when Miya wasn't able to do or say anything, they took him away, they packed up his things from his apartment and took him back home. Back to where I couldn't see him.

Aside from that, I got yelled at by Jia. Before, Jia didn't yell at me, he just made me feel awful but now I really got yelled at. I didn't know Jia could be that loud, but then again I should have known better since Jia and Toki fight all the time and both their voices carry. Jia told me I was really fucking stupid to just go and face Sugihara by myself. He said I should have known better by now.

"You're not new in this fucking game Joryu! For you to just go up to him is so fucking stupid! You're no pro but you're not fucking helpless either. All this bullshit could have been avoid had you called someone else to back you! Now Sugihara is God knows where all because you let him go! AGAIN!"

I hung my head, knowing he was right.

"I know what started all this shit too. And it's gonna stop now. RIGHT FUCKING NOW! You hear me!?"

I nodded as Jia continued on.

"All this shit happened because of Miya. I know you love him and you can't help your actions but that excuse has gotten really tired. I warned you over and over again that people like Sugihara can get to, get through you and get to me because he knows he can get Miya. This shit stops now. You cut that relationship. Cut it completely and if you don't I FUCKING WILL. You hear me!?"

I nodded again as he sat down and said,

"Get out of my sight."

I quickly turned and left.

I went to the garage as I sat on my bike, hunched over on it as I rested my forehead against my hands. I had gotten my bike back after I went to the hospital and Aoki dropped me off to drive it back. I now sat on it, thinking slightly as I hated myself. I was just wallowing in pity for a while. There's nothing worse then having your boss be mad at you and now I had to sever my relationship with Miya no matter what. I had that threat of Jia doing it himself over my head and I knew he would do whatever he had to if it would make me function better. He would either get rid of me, or just eliminate the problem all together. I eventually sat up straight and got my helmet on as I decided to go home. When I got home, I changed out of my blood stained clothes and took a shower. I then got into bed without waiting or wanting anything else.

I stayed in bed for at least the entire morning the next day. I knew I had to get up but it was hard for me to do so. Eventually I did and I showered, dressed in my suit and tie and pulled my hair back. I left my bike where it was and decided to take a cab to work. I showed up and went to Jia's office where I let him know I was here. I didn't look at Jia, I just bowed my head slightly, looking at him once, then keeping my eyes to the floor as I then left since he didn't assign me to anything. I stayed in the lobby for most of the day. I was beyond bored and I knew I couldn't do anything. I also didn't feel like eating anymore or even listening to my MP3 player which was good because I left that at home. Later in the afternoon, Akio came in. He swept his hair back from his face as he said,

"Hey Baby-chu."

"Hi."

He sat beside me as he sighed, resting his hands on his lap as he said,

"I know that, being yelled at by Jia is not a good thing. But he'll calm down."

"Akio, I don't really care that Jia yelled at me. I know I deserved it. What I'm upset about is what I have to do."

"What's that?"

"I have to break up with Miya for good."

"I thought you did already."

"I have to give him up completely."

"Oh...I see."

"I think in some small way, I know I have to. And I know this all happened because of me. I keep fucking up when it comes to Miya."

"I see."

"Jia said I have to...no matter what."

"Oh. I see."

"It's for the better I think."

Akio leaned on the back of the couch as he said,

"You think giving up the love of your life is worth this job?"

I bit my lower lip knowing the answer was no. Nothing was worth this fucking job. Yet, I knew I couldn't give that up either. Even if I wanted to, even if I tried.

"I know it's not."

"Then why are you even considering it?"

"I don't know."

Akio sighed, sitting up as he said,

"Baby-chu, this isn't an easy decision for you to make, but if I was you, I'd think about this long and hard."

I nodded as he patted my shoulder and went upstairs. I sat in the lobby by myself for the most part. The lower heads going about every now and then. I would see some of the top heads and depending on who they were, they said hi to me. Tai greeted me once, knowing my situation and he stopped and talked to me. He didn't mention what was going, he just made small talk and that was fine with me. He then said,

"You know, nothing is really going on now. You don't have to stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Nothing is happening. You could go. If anything were to come up, we'd call you."

"Thanks Tai."

He nodded and then went on his way as I went back home. I walked there, not really in a rush to get back to bed. As I did, I stopped and looked at my reflection. I saw myself as this adult, so not ready to be one yet. I was twenty years old and I suffered more then I should have. Granted, I deserved everything I had coming...and more. I was just out to punish myself. Leaving Miya for good was a good start. It would kill me, but at the same time I knew I had to. I didn't deserve him anyway. What good to me was a lover who was scared of me anyway? He could do better. I sighed and decided to head back home. Over the next few days, Jia kept me apart from everyone else. Aoki and Aya got the assignment of going after Sugihara and the lower heads were posted around Tokyo and everyone in every other city was let known to kill him on sight. I spent a few days at home since Jia didn't assign me to anything. I didn't do anything either. I stopped eating for those days, just sitting at home, watching TV and smoking or blasting my radio as I just waited for my phone to ring. I wanted to leave Tokyo for a few days but I knew I couldn't. Not until this Sugihara bullshit was over.

I thought of seeing Miya over and over again, but I couldn't find it in myself to pick myself over there just to tell him I couldn't see him anymore. But knowing Miya, he probably wouldn't want to see me anyway. So I was doing the right thing anyway. I would get word from Akio and Hisoka every now and then about the situation. I was so indifferent about everything it was hard for me to care. I couldn't take my revenge against Sugihara so what was the use of me caring? Near the end of the month, it was finally brought to Jia's attention by Soryo that Sugihara managed to skip out of Japan and was back in Bangkok. I didn't even want to face Jia now, knowing it was my fault...again. So when I could, I got in contact with Tai and I asked him if it was possible for me to leave Tokyo for a few days.

"You want to leave?"

"Just for a few days. I don't think I serve much of a purpose here and since Sugihara is already back in Bangkok..."

"I see your point. I'll run it past Jia. I'll call you back in five minutes."

We hung up as I stood in the middle of my living room, watching TV on mute as I had my radio playing. I smoked a cigarette, my hair tied up as I thought for a while, hoping I could leave, wanting to so badly. I couldn't stay in Tokyo right at the moment. I just needed to get away. In five minutes, Tai called me back as he said he would.

"Aka-chan, you can go for a few days."

"Okay, thanks Tai."

"I'll call you if anything happens."

"Hai."

I then hung up and bought a ticket on my way out the door. I decided to leave my new lover in the garage, leaving it for the first time since I got it as I then took off. I bought the first ticket out of there.

I never usually run away from my problems. I accept them right away and never try to change anything, but I don't run away. Now I was running away. I couldn't face anything right now. I couldn't even pull myself together to face Jia let alone anything else so I ran. I went to New York. After a fourteen hour flight I slept through, I got up from the plane and left. I took a cab into the city as I went to my apartment, changed and called Ichiro. He was surprised to hear from me.

"Is something wrong? Jia didn't let us know anything."

"No, I'm here alone."

"Oh...I see. Pleasure trip?"

"More then you know."

He laughed softly as he said,

"So come by if this is nothing but your pleasure trip."

"Gladly."

I hung up as I went to Ichiro's apartment. When I got there, he opened the door for me as he smiled and I was glad to see him. He was in his bathrobe, his hair was wet as if he just got out of the shower. I put my arms around him as we kissed like lovers who had not seen each other in years. Which was...kinda true. He then pulled back as he said,

"We'll have to be quiet my niece is sleeping."

"I am quiet. You'll have to be quiet."

He smirked in his seductive manner as I went inside, taking off my shoes as he closed the door. We went to his bedroom, closing and locking the door as I started to undress. He helped me along the way, his hands soft, smooth, making me forget my temporary situation. After a roll in his bed, the first time, I laid on my stomach, my head to the side as I thought again. The pleasure was only for a moment and I was right back where I started. I felt Ichiro climb on top of me as he rubbed my shoulders for me as he said,

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie."

"I have some shit back at Tokyo I didn't deal with."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...plus Jia's mad at me."

"The whole Sugihara situation?"

"How did you know?"

"Anything that happens in Tokyo is let known to us in case anything happens."

"I see."

"So, what happened with Sugihara."

"He shot Miya...and it was my fault."

"Who's Miya?"

"Lover. He broke up with me."

"Oh him."

"Yeah."

"And how was it your fault?"

"Sugihara was trying to get to me through Miya and Miya got hurt in the process. Sugihara got away and it's my fault."

"A little much to blame on yourself don't you think?"

"No, it is my fault because if I would have done what Akio said, I doubt he would have gotten away."

"I see."

"So...he's in Bangkok and I asked permission to leave town for a few days."

"So, you're here. In my bed."

"Yeah."

"What of Miya?"

"He's alive I know that much. But his parents forbade me to see him and Jia gave me the ultimatum, either I leave him or he gets taken and I really doubt he'd want to see me now anyway."

"You have a strange way of dealing with your problems."

"I know."

He leaned down and kissed my shoulder as he said,

"So how long are you staying?"

"As long as I can."

I started turning back over as I met Ichiro for a kiss. Ichiro was right, I did have a strange way of dealing with my problems. The first thing I always seem to do after something happened was get laid. By some means, by one way or another, I had to get laid. I was using Ichiro for the most part and he knew it...but it wasn't as if we had this committed relationship. I continued to drown my sorrows in Ichiro until the bright morning hours when I finally turned and fell asleep.