The manga was good. Who would have thought? I needed to get another volume of it later. Anyway, I was actually excited with the concept of seeing Miya for lunch tomorrow. I called Akio and told him about it. He wasn't sure about the whole idea though.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Baby-chu, did you forget that one, you're fucking someone right now, relationship it may not be, but Miya, who obviously isn't stupid will know if he doesn't already. He's scared of you and he knows you cheated on him. Though I wouldn't call that cheating."

I frowned as I said,

"It's just lunch."

"You want more then that I know you do. You still love him."

"I know."

"Then, this lunch is a small step for you in trying to make things right between you two."

"It won't be right unless I quit."

"Are you quitting?"

"No."

"Then why even bother."

"Because I love him Akio."

He gave a sigh as he said,

"Okay Baby-chu. If that's what you want."

"It is."

He left it alone after that and we changed the subject. I was beginning to get worried after we hung up because I thought about what he said, Miya did already probably know that I had fucked around on him and even after him. I mean a few days after we broke up I got fucked by Akio. Then all those random girls, then Ichiro...I wasn't exactly making things any better by that. But I wanted Miya back. All that was meaningless...I just wanted my tsuki back in my life, to go home to him, to sleep next to him, to have him turn to me and say I love you Jo. I needed that more then anything else. The next morning I got up and took a shower. After blow drying my hair I looked at my reflection seeing the kiss marks, fading but still there left by Ichiro. I rubbed my hand over them, wishing them to go away since I had to see Miya today. He probably saw them yesterday since I didn't have a tie on and my throat was exposed despite the coat I wore I over it. I bit my lip, wondering if he did see or didn't. I wish I knew. I got dressed on my casual clothes, my baggy khakis, my black shirt and a dark blue sweater over it as I put my boots on and grabbed my coat pulling it on as I left my apartment, shutting the door behind me. I still had an hour before three but since I had to get there by foot, I decided to take my time and go. I didn't actually walk, I took the subway and walked the rest of the way there, humming to myself, happy to see Miya again. I had not felt so good in a while. When I got to his place I saw it was ten to three and knowing Miya like I know Miya, I knew he wouldn't be around till after a little after three. I sat on the front steps of the apartment building as I waited, having a cigarette as I listened to my MP3 player, Kiss by Luna Sea. A little after three, my cigarette now done, I Hate You by J playing, I looked up as I saw Miya coming towards his apartment. He stopped once he saw me, tilting his head to the side as he gave a sigh and said,

"Hey Jo."

"Hey Miya."

"You been there long?"

"No, jus a few minutes."

"Do you mind if I drop this stuff off upstairs first?"

"Sure."

He let me follow him to his apartment but when we got there, he didn't invite me in. He just asked me to wait for a minute as he went inside, dropping his book bag off as he then came back out and we went to have a quick lunch.

I had to smile just being with him again. I asked him about school, his job, how he's been. He said everything was fine, school was hard as usual, work was good and he was good. As we sat beside each other having sushi I said,

"I miss you."

He looked at me as he said,

"I miss you too."

It felt so good knowing that. I wanted to touch him so badly, even if it was just for a moment but I knew I couldn't. He smoothed back some stray hair from his face as he said,

"How about you?"

"Everything is fine."

We were quiet as we ate a little while later as I then cleared my throat and said,

"You seeing anyone?"

He shook his head, picking up his glass of water as he said,

"No."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

I felt better knowing that. Probably because I felt a great relief knowing I wouldn't have to go break anyone's legs now. He then set his bottle back down as he said,

"You?"

I wondered if I could lie and maybe he would believe it. And then I wondered if I lied, would he see right through me and then hate me for lying to him. I swallowed hard as I said,

"It's not really seeing anyone..."

"Okay, I should rephrase that. Are you fucking anyone?"

It was so harsh but I knew that was the best word to phrase in.

"Not anymore." I replied softly.

He nodded as he said,

"I'm glad you didn't lie."

"What do you mean?"

"You had big purple blotches on your throat."

I figured he saw those. I nodded as I said,

"It was nothing."

"What was nothing? Your blotches or your fucking someone?"

"Both."

He looked at me as he said,

"Jo, we're not together anymore. It doesn't matter."

"Don't you care?"

"Yes, I do. It hurts I'll admit it but what can I do about it?"

"I love you."

He blinked once before he said,

"I love you too."

I still loved hearing that from him. He then turned and went back to having his lunch as I finished mine. Once we were done, I paid as I walked with him. He closed his coat over his slender frame as we walked and I said,

"I was thinking about you a lot lately."

"I always think about you."

I smiled as I said,

"Miya..."

He turned to me as he said,

"Jo, I know what you're going to say. You want me back in your life, you love me, but we both know that unless you quit..."

I stopped him as I said,

"I still love you. No matter what I do and what I say and how I act I'll ALWAYS love you."

I leaned closer to him, kissing him again for the first time in so long. I relished the taste, savoring the feel of his mouth against mine. At first, he was motionless until he kissed back, his lips softly moving against mine as I sighed, loving his kiss, remembering all it was worth. When he pulled back his eyes were closed as if in deep thought. I licked my lips as he then opened his eyes as he said,

"Jo?"

"Hm?"

"You and me....we can't work."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared."

"I never let anything...I would never let anything happen to you again."

"I'm so glad you caught that."

"Miya...please? You don't have to live with me. Just be in my life. I'll be good to you."

"Jo, you were always good to me. But you need something I can't give you. I obviously wasn't enough for you when we were together."

I looked down, feeling bad as I then said,

"How'd you know?"

"Your mannerisms. How you got in bed with me. I noticed all the little things about you Jo. You were my friend before my lover, remember that."

I nodded as I said,

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I checked my watch as he said,

"I should go. I have to get to work soon."

I nodded as he then smiled at me as he turned and started to leave. I smiled slightly, knowing I felt better just hearing him say he loved me still.

I went over to Akio's place the next day to tell him about my lunch. I didn't him last night since he was out with Toki. I got to his place that early evening as I walked in, after he answered the door. I when he closed it and I turned around I saw he was naked. I blushed, turning away as I said,

"Damn why don't you have any clothes on!?"

"It's my place, why should I?"

I sighed as I stopped blushing and said

"I wanted to tell you about my lunch."

"Yeah tell me about it."

He walked back to his bathroom as I followed him and went to his Chinese basket as I sat down, scooting in as I said,

"I saw him. He still loves me. We kissed."

"And?"

"That's it. We had lunch."

"Did he forgive you?"

"Not in so many words. He still loves me though."

"Always a good thing."

He turned towards me as he said,

"What are you doing today?"

"Nothing I know of."

He smiled as he said,

"Stand up."

I did after getting out of the swing as he took off my sweater, tossing it aside as he then said,

"We've been fucking for a while and I have yet to do this to you in my swing."

I laughed as I took off my shirt underneath and said,

"Taking the opportunity now I see."

"Hell yeah, before you get back with Miya or before Aoki finds out...whatever comes first."

He undid my pants, taking them down along with my boxers as he told me to sit in the basket.

Needless to say I finally got fucked in that basket. It wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it'd be. I laid in Akio's bed that night thinking about Miya again. Akio had a feeling we would get back together and I only hoped so. But everything seemed so unsure at the moment. I turned towards him, hugging for a moment as I thought of Miya again. The next morning, Jia called Akio about some paperwork he had. Akio said he had them at his apartment and would drop them off but Jia needed them now and had to send someone over. I decided to get dressed and get out before whoever was on their way saw me. Akio thought that was best too. I got dressed after he hung up and I then picked up my shoes as he kissed me once more and said,

"Go, if you see anyone....hide."

I nodded as I left his apartment. I took the stairwell just in case as I reached the lobby and peered around making sure no one I knew from work was there. Once I was absolutely sure it was clear, I ran outside and towards the subway so I could go back home.

With things so quiet lately, I found myself seeing Miya more often. If not for quick lunches or dinners, then I would see him at work mostly because I started reading Gravitation and I had to keep going back and buying a single manga at a time. Miya smiled when he saw me, talked to me, it was almost as if we were starting our friendship over again. We talked a little more each time and he spent a little more time with me everytime. I enjoyed my company with him but at the same time I felt like I was going back to being myself. It felt strange, like crawling into old skin I shed behind. I was starting to learn to conceal and hide my feelings but with Miya, it became harder to do. Miya was the part of me that stayed human. My reason for being sane. I tried not to let him get to me like before, because I didn't need my heart broken again, I didn't want my hopes lifted so high so they made a louder impact when they fell. I didn't want to keep dreaming only to wake to my nightmare. It was difficult though, Akio kept me out of it completely by reminding me about work, that just because it was time off, didn't mean I was off. At any given moment shit could start back up. I heard word from above that Jia was thinking about going to Hong Kong again since he recently received word from Kenimin about the past situations. Kenimin also had something to tell Jia which required his presence, not his voice. Jia didn't want to go to Hong Kong, but remembering he married the Black Hand's daughter, he had no choice and had to set a date sometime soon. Akio let me know and he didn't know who Jia was going to take as company other then Toki. I imaged that though for a minute, Jia's wife and Jia's lover side by side. Toki already hated Lotus, but he could proudly boast he nailed Jia and she didn't...and she's his wife. Anyway I sighed, hoping in some small way he did not choose me.

"I want to spend more time with Miya."

"Baby-chu this is work and you know it."

He smacked my ass as he got out of my bed as he started getting ready. That night I went to see Miya at work to buy another issue of Gravitation and to see him. He was so cute when he smiled, amused I was actually reading this shojo comic. But it didn't matter. I liked it. Anyway, I saw him that night and let him know I might go to Hong Kong.

"What's in Hong Kong?"

"My boss is married to a girl there. Her father wants to see him."

"His wife lives in Hong Kong?"

"Yeah."

"Nice."

"So I might go. I'm sure yet but I might."

"Oh...too bad."

"I know."

I frowned as I said,

"If I do go, I doubt I'll stay long."

"That's good. You can come back to see me here when do get back, if you go."

"Exactly."

I checked my watch as my cell phone rang and I excused myself as I went to answer. It was Akio telling me I had to go to the office so I hung up, kissed Miya on the cheek as I went to pay for my book before I headed to the office.

There Jia let us know about the situation that Kenimin wanted to see Jia in person so he would have to go to Hong Kong soon. Besides Toki, Mikkie, myself and Aoki would be going. I frowned to myself not really wanting to go but not having a choice. I booked a ticket for a week later since we would leave soon.