Dominance was never something I thought about. It was never something important and something necessary to me. I didn't like being a victim either like I was with Toki. But with Akio, I would have no control, I had no control, I had to give up to be with him. I didn't mind though I was nervous since no one had been inside me since then..and it wasn't very pleasant. Something I didn't ever want to repeat again. But with Akio, it was different. I always said he was different from Toki but how much, I wasn't sure of anymore. What made me feel even more strange was that I was home. It was my bed, where I've been with only Miya. Always Miya and no one else. But here was Akio, slowly undressing in front of me. I looked up at him as if I had never seen him undress before, but I have so many times before hand. I knew his body well enough, every curve, every muscle, the scar on his chest from where he shot at close point blank range. I was surprised he didn't have it removed as arrogant as he is. I reached up to his face as he leaned down after he took off his shirt and I put my arms around him. We kissed for a long time as his hands smoothed back my hair from my face, his lips pressed against mine before he opened his mouth and his tongue slid in, his touch making me shiver and cry out softly. Akio was all about pleasure, about hearing me moan which he did often. He could make me whimper over and over again, gasping for a breath of air as I clutched the bed sheets beside me. He looked at me a few times, the early morning sun coming through my window as he helped me take down my boxers. I slid them off with ease as I laid there, now very helpless to him. His hands slid between my thighs as I closed my eyes and gasped softly and opened my legs apart for him. He kissed my neck as he then worked his way to my ear as he said,

"I can't wait anymore."

His voice was heavy, deep with lust as I nodded and he sat up slightly, his arm holding him up as I felt his left hand on my hip as he finally penetrated me. I groaned from the pain as he leaned down, kissing my mouth as he said,

"Relax."

His hand rubbed my stomach slowly as his other stroked my thigh. I was so tense that I started to shake. Akio's hands rubbed against me for a few moments as he kept whispering to me to calm down, to relax. When I finally did relax, my legs slowly stopped shaking as he began.

Taking and being taken are completely different things. The feelings are always different, the sensations can tear you apart since it's completely different. It was never this good with Toki. Toki didn't give me time to get over the pain, but Akio was different. He started slow before he built a speed, his rhythm made to please me as he left me blind, deaf and dumb, robbing me off all sense except to feel. My mind went blank for that whole time...I thought of nothing but what I was feeling, the raw sexuality of Akio, the sensitization of his body against mine, his mouth on mine as I gasped and moaned and cried out from it all.

I saw an ocean of colors when I came.

It was unlike anything I had ever felt before and I don't think I'd ever feel again. My throat was dry, my body was still shaking, trembling from afterwards as my hands slowly unclenched the seats beside me. I groaned softly, feeling as Akio got off me and laid down. He was breathing hard as I brought up my shaking hands and rested them on my chest. I could feel my heart racing so fast, my legs still shaking as they slowly relaxed down. I felt Akio sit up as he reached over me and picked up my cigarettes sitting on my night stand as he took one out and lit it before he laid back down.

"You okay Baby-chu?"

My eyes looked up as I said in a low voice,

"My throat hurts."

"You were screamin so loud it's no wonder."

I tried swallowing but I only felt my dry mouth as my tongue moved slightly. He kissed my cheek as he said,

"I'll get you a drink."

He got his boxers on as he left my room and I tried regaining my normal pattern of breathing. God...now that was fucking. When it can totally leave you senseless and shaking afterwards, when your legs shake and tremble...that's good sex right there. I slowly sat up as I finally got my hands to stop shaking as I lit a cigarette. Akio came back a few moments later with some water as I took it and drank down completely. What chaos had I conducted here now that Akio and I finally fucked. I knew that, that was probably the beginning of the end of the affection, of the hugs and special nicknames, of the overly affectionate Akio I knew. He had me...so he was done. The chase finished, there was nothing to pursue. What else could he possibly gain? When I finished my water, Akio put out his cigarette as he got up again and started getting dressed. I didn't bother to say anything, to even look at him since I knew it was done and over with and now he really would be just my partner and maybe a friend, if he had time. He took his usual time getting ready, pulling up his pants, buttoning his shirt, smoothing it down as he tucked it in and then picked up his coat from the doorknob where he probably left it there when he came in the other night. He fixed his hair as he then turned to me and said,

"I'll see you later okay."

"Okay."

And he left. Mind blowing sex and that was it. I reminded myself over and over again that, it was what I asked for. Nothing else. I got up and went to take a shower. Once I was done, I got into my casual clothes, turning on the TV as I listened for the weather. I pulled my belt tight around my hips as I got on a wife beater, and grabbed an extra shirt as I got that on. I picked up my MP3 player, sticking the headphones in my ears before I shut off my TV and grabbed my sneakers and my wallet and cell phone and went out. It was early in the morning, but I needed something to do then just sit in bed.

I got some breakfast and then spent the rest of my day admiring the lake as I sat in the park. I held my knees up on the bench as I listened to my music, Same night, Same Pain playing away loudly in my ear as I watched the wind caress the water's surface, the occasional leaf touching down on it as the sky reflected the thriving metropolis not too far behind it. By mid afternoon, as my thoughts were circled around getting to memorize lyrics and what they meant, I started getting hungry again. I stretched my legs out as I went to get something to eat. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the Shibuya district, looking around, not really shopping since I had nothing really to buy and I had to stop bringing more crap home anyway. I stopped to eat again a little while later as the sky started getting dark. I had a drink around seven thirty when my phone went off. It started vibrating against my leg so I took it out of the cargo pocket as I pulled my earphone out and saw it was Hisoka.

"Moshi moshi."

"I found him."

My heart stopped for a moment.

"You did?"

"Hai. I managed to track him to school. Tokyo University huh?"

"Yeah...he's smart."

"And then some. He's taking some classes there now and for the moment living with a friend."

"A friend?"

"Yeah, overheard the conversation. Female friend, she's not too touchy with him and doesn't blush around him so it's nothing."

"Wouldn't matter if it was."

"Right."

"Where is he now?"

"Home with the friend."

I got up from the bar, paying for my drink as I ran out and said,

"I have to get my car, I'll call you back in a few minutes."

I hung up as I took the subway back to my street. Once I got the car, hopped in, turned on the engine I called Hisoka back. He told me what street to go to as I then hung up, turned up my radio as Ain't Afraid to Die by Dir en grey came on.

A few minutes later, I checked my watch seeing it was ten past eight. I saw Hisoka standing by a store as he had a cigarette. I rolled down the window of the passenger side of the car as I notioned him in. He approached the car as he said,

"Fuck...when did Jia get another car?"

"A while ago. Get in."

He got inside as he flicked his cigarette away before closing the door behind him. I then said,

"So?"

"He's across the street. Third floor up, sixth window. The girl's name is Rose Naganshi. They met in a Bio class a few semesters ago and she feels bad for Miya. She knows about you and what you look like and why you two broke up, but not in full detail because Miya doesn't want her to know you're a yakuza."

"How'd you know all that?"

"Blended in the background and tailed him all day. He doesn't talk about you much. Rose is the one that usually brings the topic of you up."

I looked up at that window, wanting to see him again. I saw the light go off from the window as Hisoka then said,

"Miya's fine by the way. He looks the same, healthy, sleeps well."

I nodded as the front doors of the building opened and Miya and Rose, I assumed, came out. Miya did look beautiful, just as perfect as he always had. His loose khakis fitting him low on his hips, part of his tattoo visible since he wore a black short sleeved fitted shirt that rode over his hip bones ever so slightly. His dark brown hair still fell over his one eye, his lips full, smiling as he listened to Rose speak. I fell in love with him all over again. But I stayed in the car. Hisoka then said,

"You made me find him, why don't you go say hi."

"No. He wouldn't want to see me as much as I want to see him."

"You don't know that. Just go."

"I can't. I'm glad to know he's okay, that he's fine."

Hisoka sighed as he said,

"Man, you are so hopeless. I find him for you and you're just gonna watch him from here now? There's a name for people like you."

"I can't say anything to him."

I heard the car door opening as Hisoka got out and said,

"I'll go talk to him."

"What?! No!"

"Either you do or I do."

"I..."

He slammed the door as I said,

"Okay! I'll go!"

Talk about pressure. I started the car again as I made the turn and pulled up beside Miya and Rose. They both stopped as I put the car in park and got out as I turned towards Miya. His eyes got wide as Rose recognized me though I didn't know her. Miya finally said,

"Jo?"

"Hey Miya."

"What are you....how'd you find me?"

"Don't worry about that. I just....wanted...to see how you were."

He was beautiful. His deep brown eyes echoing everything still. He was still scared of me. He was still afraid and didn't want be near me.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I can't Jo. I'm about to go somewhere with my friend."

He gestured to Rose as I said,

"Please? For a few minutes."

Rose nudged him as she nodded, saying it was okay as Miya looked back at me and said,

"Okay...for a few minutes."

I opened the passenger side door for him as he got in and closed it behind him. I got in as well, turning down my volume as I was about to move the car but he said,

"Right here is fine. Don't move."

"Okay."

He looked around for a moment before he said,

"Nice car. How many people did you have to kill for it?"

"It's not mine. It's my boss's. I just drive it sometimes."

He looked down as he said,

"How you been?"

"Been better."

"You seem to be fine."

"I missed you Miya. I still do."

"I miss you too Jo."

"How you been?"

"A little busy. School and such."

"Miya...I really miss you. I've been so upset lately. I love you."

"I love you too....but I told you already. I can't be with you anymore. I'm afraid to be with you, to even be in this car. I'm afraid of you."

"Miya...all I've been dreaming about for the past few months is having you back in my life. I miss you so much. I'd do anything for you to be with me again."

"Quit your job."

"What?"

"Quit your job. You said anything."

I didn't say anything. He nodded as he looked away as he said,

"Just as I thought. Can't do that. You don't want me back that badly."

"Yes I do, but this is my job!"

"And what am I Jo? Obviously not meaning enough for you to want to quit! Get a concubine. Get some whore to blow you and maybe you won't be so lonely and upset anymore!"

"What's that suppost to mean?"

"Exactly what I just said Joryu. You don't need me anymore. You haven't needed me for a long, long time. Why don't you go back to whoever you were fucking when you working and maybe all you sad and lonely days will be behind you. If you live that long."

He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him as I watched him walk away with Rose. I leaned back in the seat, wondering how long he's known about Akio and everything else I've been doing when I was out of town. I wouldn't have been surprised. Worst off, when he walked out on me again for the second time, he didn't look back.