We went back to the celebration without another word although Akio seemed to be faking his enthusiasm once he regrouped with Aoki and Toki. As for myself, I went back to my own circle, picked up a drink and did my best to celebrate. I was glad to see things had worked in Jia's favor, but also in our personal ones as well. Tai and Gabriel seemed to have fixed whatever caused their initial separation, Kotei and Ren were together. Although the band on Ren's finger told he was still married. It didn't seem to matter to him anyway...he had his Botchan...the one he's been watching since the little emperor was little. I knew Kotei was happy...so it was okay. Toki bounced back to Jia eventually, leaning his head on his beloved's shoulder as Jia went about still talking about business. He didn't seem to care that Toki was on his shoulder, because it was just Toki...and that would always be accepted. I turned to my small crowd, facing some of the people I've worked with. Mikkie, who's secret I stumbled across once but I kept. I looked over at Jun who was still a mystery, nothing much known from him other then the fact that he is a doctor. He cares sometimes, though he doesn't mean too. I looked at Estuya, one of my better associates, now a father and devoted on top of that. I only wish I had the luxury of being able to say that for my own past relationship. Ai'iro and his bright false eyes, his dark hair...he looked eternally twelve. Speaking of eternal....my eyes turned away from the small crowd for a moment as I gazed back over to Jia's table. There sat the ningyo, still addressed that since the scar on his face did nothing to crush or ruin that beauty. He sat there in all black, his hands holding a cigarette, his eyes looking over at Jia. I noticed that dark heavy onyx stone on his finger, his skin pale and white as always. I still can't believe Jia got that. Not that...Jia wasn't attractive or anything. It's just it's the ningyo...he seems untouchable by all. My eyes turned away as I faced the other side of the table and saw Ichiro. My Ichiro...the loving play thing I now called my own. With lips so thick and full, yet at the same time soft and tender, soft perfect face, dark evening sky eyes with that tiny, perfect beauty mark that drew all attention to it. His blonde and red bangs swept off to the side of his face, the black hair around the rest of his head falling behind his ears was tucked away and smoothed behind. He smoked with grace, the tip of his lips placed over the end of a cigarette just so as he inhaled, then exhaled in a clear gray stream. His slender neck was surrounded by the black leather choker, the silver clasp on the side catching the light every now and then. His wine red satin button shirt open revealing fading kiss marks I had left behind. No one seemed to notice them. I then turned away and went back to my conversation.

I played around with some of the pets Takeo had brought to share before I got another drink and sat down to see Kotei. I was not so drunk where I could forget everything, but I was drunk enough to not drive. Kotei had managed to pull himself away from Ren long enough to come outside with me and have a cigarette. We both sat outside on one of the balconies from the hotel as he said,

"I'm in love."

He said it was a happy smile, tilting his head side to side as he balanced himself on the balls of his feet. I laughed at his school girl like daze as I said,

"When did it happen?"

"A while ago."

He bit his bottom lip as he looked onto the New York skyline. He seemed to be remembering everything with a heavy sigh as I asked,

"He still married?"

"Yeah. He's having an affair basically."

"Don't you care?"

"Nope! He loves me. He told me...it's all that really matters. Besides...he's got kids. I wouldn't feel right about taking him away from them. He does love his kids."

I nodded as I said,

"So...how was graduation?"

"Eh...I don't know. I was only there long enough to get my diploma and then I skipped out on the rest. Ren was there. He was proud of me."

I laughed slightly as I then said,

"You got a couple more years till you're an oyabun."

He nodded, smoking as he said,

"I know. I'm actually looking forward to it somewhat."

"You think you can manage?"

"I know I can...with Ren, I can do anything."

"How's your Japanese?"

"Better. I've been practicing over the year. But I don't think I learned anything appropriate."

I looked at him as I raised an eyebrow and said,

"What did Ren teach you?"

"How to say my lover, my beloved, I love you, sleep with me, come here....stuff of that nature."

I laughed as I shook my head and said,

"I'm sure he taught you more then that."

"Oh he did...it just didn't all stick like that."

I shook my head with a soft smile as I said,

"You knocked off all that other shit before didn't you?"

"Yeah man...I don't need that now. I have Ren."

"An associate of mine said it was going to be like Toki and Jia with you two once you take over."

He smiled, finishing the last of his cigarette as he threw it out and said,

"Probably."

He got up with a graceful stance as he went back inside.

The party came to a close soon afterwards. We all began parting ways, catching a few last glances at the people around. I said bye to Takeo who I was sure I would see soon anyway as he took his beloved pets and got in his car after a quick bye with Toki, Aoki and Akio. I saw Aoki finally part ways from his two as he found Aya and pulled his seiai close to him. Aoki held him lovingly as Aya leaned close to him. Toki found Jia as they then left and I saw Akio. I waved to him as he smiled and then went off to the subway. I sighed and before I could think of what to do to get home, I felt Sozaburo stand beside me as he said,

"Share a cab with me."

I nodded as he hailed a cab. It was almost five in the morning so it was pretty hard to get one...well...not in this city. A cab stopped as we got in and we went to Ichiro's place. My play thing and I held each other, his mouth on mine as he said,

"Jo...when are you going back to Japan?"

I kissed him, my lips muffled slightly by his as I said,

"Whenever I want."

"Good..."

I ended up staying the night at his place.

The next afternoon, I woke up as I heard my cell phone ringing. I picked up my head, slightly heavy, since I had something of a hang over. I heard my cell phone, but I didn't see it. Not until I heard a small giggle. I scooted over to the end of the bed as I saw Katie sitting on the floor, her white dog in hand, my cell phone in the other. I yawned as I said,

"Katie...sweetie give me my phone."

She turned as she said,

"I like the music!"

"Me too."

I turned it on as I said,

"Hai?"

"Jo, come in today. We're having a small meeting."

"Hai...I'll be there soon."

Soon meant...half an hour from there. I ended up going back to sleep and didn't wake up until I felt Ichiro beside me. I turned my head as I saw him sleeping. Katie's hand on his shoulder as he slept. I smiled as I sat up and saw Katie had crawled up behind Ichiro and fell asleep. I checked the clock as I saw it was four thirty. I then remembered I was suppost to be at a meeting and I got out of bed, pulling up my boxers as I got my pants on. I picked up my shirt, buttoning it up as I rolled up the sleeves seeing I had nail marks. Damn Ichiro had fucked me up again. I sighed, ignoring it as I then gathered up all my hair, tied it back and got my coat and socks on. I then grabbed my shoes and all the shit that fell from my pockets as I kissed Ichiro, waking him slightly as I told him I would be back soon as I then left.

I went to Jia's building only to have a lower head standing there to let me know that everyone had gone to the Pearl Tea House. I sighed, going over there, taking another twenty minutes to arrive. When I got there, I saw everyone was still eating. And everyone was sitting in Jia's private room. All nine of them...and now me. I joined them as I sat down carefully near the end of the table. As soon as I did, Toki and Aoki started busting on me about me being late, my kiss marks and the fact I was in the same thing I wore yesterday. Jia told them to leave me alone, saying I was mature enough to do as I pleased and come in covered in kiss marks and the same suit I wore the other day.

"And late." Add Jun.

I cleared my throat as I said,

"Sorry...I went to the building first."

Jia shook it off as he said,

"Relax. It's nothing serious. I am having a small dinner with the people closest to me...you ..who have helped me establish myself all over again. What would I do without you all?"

"Collapse Jia." Said Tai.

We gave a slight laugh as Jia nodded and said,

"Yes...I would. Without all of you. I swear I don't let you all know how much I appreciate you sometimes."

"The paycheck shows it Jia." Said Jun.

We laughed again as Jia said

"All of you earned it."

I got to order dinner for myself as I went to eat. We shared small talk, conversing about different things. As it went on, I saw Jia and Toki finally openly kiss in front of everyone. Jun was the first to say something.

"God, get a room."

We laughed as Jia moved back and Toki said,

"Shut up Jun."

I shook my head as we went back to our dinner.

Once dinner was done, Jia dismissed us, reminding us that by the end of the week, he and Toki were returning to Tokyo. There was no pressure on anyone to go back. I stood on the side walk that evening and watched everyone leave first. I felt I had to. So I watched them all go first. I watched my associates, who I once lost my trust in, leave first. I didn't mind...and it was strange to watch them go. It was a temporary break as it always was....but the question now lingered in my mind, what now? I could wait to find out as I always did and sure the answer would come up...it just left me to question what. Mikkie was the last to go. He said bye to me last before he walked ahead to the subway. I then began to walk home. The night was warm, spring settling into the city as every now and then a breeze would blow past me. I had taken off my coat, looking at my arms now marked with Sozaburo's nails. I sighed to myself as I kept going. I stopped for a moment as I looked at my reflection in a store window. I had stopped to fix my collar and get my coat back on but I noticed my face. When I was eighteen, I thought I had grown up too quickly, become a man before my time. And I was right. I had made many mistakes in my job, most of them forgiven though few haunt me still. My life was not as it was when I started. I had lost everything in the journey of becoming who I am. I lost the one love of my life, causing me to forever now turn in disgust of the idea ever loving me again. I had become no better then Aoki. Aoki my father that never really acted like it...sometimes he did...and I wondered why and what could he have to gain. But I realized, he's my father when it's all said in done. Not that I wanted him as one anymore. I had long since grown from wanting that. I knew I still had more to learn, I wasn't done yet. And Jia's words starting going through my mind...when you're twenty something, you feel like you're on top of the world, nothing can touch you. And then some strong blow comes to knock you down and you realize how mortal you really are. I felt that blow. I fell back to earth so hard it broke me on the inside.

But I wanted it that way. I wanted to be broken, to not feel, to walk around with my head up high, my heart under lock and key as I laughed and drank with the best of them and ignored the fact I came home to an empty bed. To replace the fact that I was alone, I would sleep around, be no better then Toki, Akio or my father. My adorable face could get me anyone I so desired...and I would use that to my advantage. I was meant to be this way. To not smile unless the occasion called for it. To never feel, to never underestimate my enemy. To never turn my back, to never fall in love. To be alone. Forever and to only have my one night stands, liquor filled nights and pack of cigarettes to make it through. I knew that. And before at eighteen, I was terrified to become like them.

Now...I am.

I pulled up my coat, adjusting the lapels as I looked at my reflection as I remembered what Jia said to me when I first joined. It's my fate to become a yakuza. If I wouldn't have wanted to be one now, I would have wanted to later in my life. I nodded as I said to myself,

"It's your fate..."

I agreed with myself, noting a difference in my eyes. I then turned and continued home. Maybe in another life, another world...I would have been Tachimine Aoki's son and he my father. We would have been a perfect family. But it wasn't in the cards. It wasn't in my fate...in my destiny. This who I was now. And for now, I'm going home knowing no one's waiting for me and that's okay. It's how it's meant to be. I'll be back to work soon anyway.