THE IDTERVIEW

Thanks for taking the time to meet with us today. Can I get you something to drink?

No, I'm fine. Thanks for this great opportunity.
God, yes, I need bourbon. Lots of bourbon. C'mon, you got a fountain in the lobby. Don't be stingy with the booze.

So, let's start with something basic. Why do you want to work for us at Throckmorton Industries?

Throckmorton has a long and distinguished history of quality and I think my skills could make a substantial contribution towards helping you achieve your goals.
Because I need a job. Duh.

What is the thing you enjoy most about working in this field?

It's really hard to narrow it down to one. I guess I love anything that challenges me and gives me a chance to be creative.
The work is easy, the hours are great, the pay is good. What's not to like?

Describe what you feel is your greatest shortcoming.

Sometimes I get too focused and intent on solving a problem or meeting a deadline.
The complete and total inability to tolerate absolute pricks for more than five minutes. What time is it?

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?

I prefer to think of perfection as a direction rather than a goal.
What about the pay? Can we talk pay now? Christ, you pay people around here, don't you?

Why should I hire you? What do you have that no other applicant has?

While every applicant can tell you that they're hardworking and trustworthy, I'm confident that few have my demonstrated record of accomplishing high quality work well under the required time limit while juggling many projects. Please see my resume and work samples for verification.
Well, at this particular crossroad in time and space, my foot is the only one within striking range of your crotch. How many other applicants can say that? You might wanna keep that in mind, Bright Eyes.

How would your co-workers from your last position describe you?

I feel my former co-workers would describe me as dedicated, flexible, open-minded, and fair.
I feel my former co-workers would describe me as dedicated, flexible, open-minded, and fair. They really were a bunch of redneck simpletons, you know?

Tell me about a time when you failed at your job.

Early in my career, I was challenged to meet the many deadlines that came my way. Fortunately, through careful time management, I was able to overcome this and become a reliable and valued member of the team.
Mary, Mother of God, is that your kid in the picture frame?! I've heard of people getting whooped with the Ugly Stick but, damn, he got attacked by the whole Ugly Forest, didn't he?

Thank you again for your time today. We'll be in touch.

I appreciate the chance to talk. I hope to hear from you soon.
THWACK! Wow, you really shoulda listened to me about that whole foot/crotch correlation, Chief.