When I was about 8, I remember wishing as I went to sleep at night that I would wake up as a little girl in the morning. Unfortunately I never did, but it must have been a deeply seated desire because I started crossdressing when I was about 10.
I used to wear my mum's knickers (only the nylon ones because I liked the feel) and also her nightwear and swimming costume. I loved the tight feel of her swimming costume in particular. At that young age I was also fascinated by little girls toilet activities, so much so that I asked some of my girlfriends to wee for me so that I could see what happened.
Adolescence followed and I, along with most rampant youths, discovered girls and the rather good feelings I had when I masturbated thinking about what I would like to do with them. Unfortunately, due to my upbringing I did not 'play the field' and rather introvertly just imagined and masturbated.
Throughout my married life I crossdressed in secret, trying on her clothes whenever possible. I used to dress completely, including makeup. I also managed on some occasions to buy some clothes myself but, due to guilt, always got rid of them afterwards (which I now regret).
Whenever I went away on business I would take the opportunity to dress up. Note: For me crossdressing has always been for the sexual kick but more of that later.
The first time I bought my own clothes is still a fond memory. I window-shopped for hours before deciding what and where to buy. Eventually I bought matching black bra, briefs and suspenders and 2 pairs of stockings, a barely black pair and a pair of fishnets. I also stopped at a sex shop and bought some magazines, one about transvestites. When I arrived at the hotel I found that my room had a large double poster bed, so I laid all my new clothes on the bed and was just about to get changed when there was a knock at the door. I panicked and threw all the clothes in the wardrobe. Once that crisis was past I got changed and had a wonderful time, parading around in my stockings and reading the magazines.
After that experience I was anxious to repeat it as often as possible. I took to wearing knickers under my normal work clothes and continued to dress on every occasion.
The Freedom Years
When my marriage broke up (as a result of my crossdressing) I was at last free to buy clothes and dress up whenever I wanted. At first I dressed a lot but then the novelty wore off and I started to put on weight. This naturally meant that I did not feel sexy and therefore I dressed less and less. I had few clothes of either sex which fitted me properly.
Now things are better. I have lost some weight and am exercising and eating healthily to lose more. I have bought many more clothes of a whole variety, some of which I love and some of which are less desirable. I wear knickers most of the time and dress whenever I feel like it which isn't all the time but is certainly more often than it was. Even if not dressing completely I often wear ladies jeans and/or tops.
I have had a full body wax now and therefore my body is nice and smooth. The pain was temporary, the feeling lasts a long time. This makes it much easier to wear skimpy clothes as I have no hair to cover up.
The Future
So, where does Emma go from here. Well I want to have a photoshoot done so that I can get some really classy photos of me. This is planned for later this year although it remains to be seen whether it happens.
I also long to go out en femme. I'm incredibly nervous about this although I have ventured out in very safe situations - usually with no-one else around and in my car! I want the opportunity to go out in public, preferably with company so I can hide!
I have much that I need to work on. Wigs are a nightmare. Makeup can be troublesome. Deportment is male. Voice is deep! But I am learning and I will get there - one day.
