night11

10.19.01
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Some things have remained the same in the wake of all this madness. We still have to go to work in the morning; still have to pay bills and wash dishes and put up with traffic. What can you do about that banal tripe? Not a lot. Though I do find myself feeling grateful when they piss me off. Because it's a luxury to be able to become irritated at something stupid. That's where the changes lie; they're not in the piddly things that we have to do to keep our worlds turning. They're in the ways in which we can relish the fact that we are still living under better circumstances than most people on earth.

I am grateful for the fact that there still exists room enough for me to become bored by things, to complain that I can't figure out what to have for lunch, that I rilly, rilly want a pair of leather pants. These things all mean that I'm sitting pretty. And that's not something I take for granted. So along with the fact that I'm suddenly no longer too inhibited to tell everyone I love that I love them, I'm embracing silliness. I'm having brunch-and-shopping excursions with my girls; I'm spending Saturday nights out with my fella, getting tipsy and ridiculous. Because I can.

More importantly-- and this is something I tell myself anytime I start to worry too much about the state of our beautiful, amazing world-- if I don't squeeze every last drop out of life while I still can, then those fuckers have won. And I will not let that happen. If I'm going out, I'm going out laughing, knowing I've done everything I could for everyone I could, including myself. Knowing all the hatred in the world was useless against me. Because it is. I will not let the records show that something so lowly, so despicable, got the best of me.