|
Shepherd A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new Jeep Cherokee appeared out of a dust cloud, advanced toward him and stopped. The driver, a 20-year-old young man wearing a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the young guy, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answered, "Sure." The young man parked his car, whipped out hisnotebook computer, connected it to a cellphone, surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and some Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. He finally printed out a 150-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turned around to our shepherd and said, "You have here exactly 1,586 sheep!" "Amazing! That's correct! Like I agreed, you can take one of my sheep," said the shepherd. He watched the young guy make a selection and bundle it into his Cherokee. When he was finished the sheepherder said, "If I can tell you exactly what your political persuasion is, where you're from and who you work for, will you give me my sheep back?" "Okay, why not," answered the young man. "You're a Democrat from Palm Beach and you're working for Jesse Jackson," said the shepherd. "That's correct," said the young man. "How did you guess that?" "Easy", answered the shepherd. "Nobody called you, but you showed up here anyway. You want to be paid for the solution to a question I already knew the answer to. And, you don't know shit about my business because you just took my dog." Bill Clinton's Retirement Plans... 1. Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half brothers and sisters. 2. Tour the nations' prisons to improve conditions, visit friends. 3. Write book: "The American Presidency: An Oral History." 4. Buy a Hooter's franchise. 5. Catch up on eight-year stack of "Penthouse." 6. Search for a new outlet for well-developed lying and cheating skills. 7. Continue work counseling interns. 8. Stop using fake names in personal ads. 9. Take little Buddy out three times a day -- also walk the dog. 10. Get to know those Gore girls better. Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.) E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.) eminem OO eminem picseminem pics OO eminem pictureeminem picture OO full movie downloadsfull movie downloads OO eminem cdseminem cds OO marshall mather link. marshall mather link -------------- Ancient Chinese Secret.....Huh? --------------- Age-old national relics and priceless works of art were given a thorough scrubbing with soap and water last month when local authorities ordered a cleaning crew into the Confucius Temple in Shandong province, southeast China. As a result the national treasures at the 2,500-year-old cradle of Chinese civilization are now beyond repair. The Government responded by sending an investigation team to Shandong. It discovered more evidence of gross negligence, including an incident in which a truck driver backed over a stone tablet covered with priceless calligraphy. In buildings around Dacheng Hall, the 100 foot-high Confucius memorial near where the sage is said to have taught in 500BC, the paint has peeled off in strips almost a foot long. Many local people who depend on tourism are outraged. throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle on a football field pokemon game downloads eminem shirtless pokemon game downloads eminem shirtless || eminem site eminem site || nude || naked || eminem slim shady eminem slim shady || eminem slim shady lp eminem slim shady lp -------- Man Steals $82,000 One Kilowatttt At a Time --------- A 91-year-old Utah man, who authorities said drew free elec- tricity from a nearby power line for decades, finally faces theft charges. Clarence Stucki is charged with stealing about $82,000 worth of power -- but officials from Logan Light and Power said Stucki admitted tapping into the line as World War II, so the total is likely much higher. The statute of limi- tations, however, prevents Stucki from being charged what the power company considers the full amount. The old crook would still be getting away with it if he hadn't called his local utility to complain about an outage. Crews correcting the problem discovered the diverted connection on the roof. pic of eminem || new eminem lyric || eminem wallpaper || eminem song lyric || eminem poster || eminem mp3s || eminem lirycs || eminem fan club || eminem cds || all eminem lyric || -- Would-Be Robber Exchanges Hostage foorr Chicken Sandwich -- MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin - Only in Wisconsin would a robber give up a hostage in exchange for a chicken sandwich and a soda. A knife-wielding robber stormed into a Milwaukee shop and grabbed a young woman, threatening bodily harm unless staff members handed over some cash. The robber revealed during negotiations with shop worker Jaspal Singh that he was hungry. Singh gave the would-be robber a sandwich and a can of pop in exchange for the girl while discretely dialing the police. The robber sat and ate until the police arrived to arrest him. eminem kim || eminem letras || eminem lirics || eminem lirycs || eminem lyric || eminem lyric stan || eminem lyrics.com || eminem marshall mathers || eminem midi || eminem mp3 || all eminem lyric || anti eminem || d12 eminem || eminem || eminem .com || eminem 2000 || eminem action figure || eminem album || eminem and dr. dre || eminem and elton john || eminem and lyric || eminem audio || eminem bilder || eminem bio || eminem biography || eminem cd cover || eminem cds || eminem chat || eminem controversy || eminem desktop theme || eminem dido || eminem discography || eminem doll || eminem download || eminem downloads || eminem elton john || eminem fan club || eminem freestyles || eminem gallery || eminem infinite || eminem interview || eminem kim || eminem letras || eminem lirics || eminem lirycs || eminem lyric || eminem lyric stan || eminem lyrics.com || eminem marshall mathers || eminem midi || eminem mp3 || eminem mp3seminem mp3s || eminem music || eminem music downloads || eminem music video || eminem naked || eminem news || eminem nude || eminem off the wall || eminem photo || eminem picture || MARINE ON ST. CORRECT, MN - Mary Lou Ayers had a lovely 8-lb. turkey in her house - and it wasn't even Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, the gobbler wasn't invited. A wild turkey smashed through an upper-level window of her house Tuesday morning and wreaked havoc in the bedroom, hallway and computer room. Ayers said the bird caused several thousand dollars in damage before it was captured by a sheriff department deputy and a state game warden. "It was a very tough bird," said Conservation Officer Brad Schultz. Ayers said her insurance policy won't cover turkey damage. eminem picture and photo || eminem poster || eminem real audio || eminem real slim shady || eminem ringtone || eminem screen saver || eminem screensaver || eminem shirtless || eminem site || eminem slim shady || eminem song || eminem song lyric || eminem stan || eminem stan lyric || eminem stan video || eminem tab || eminem text || eminem the real slim shady || eminem the way i am || eminem tour date || eminem video || eminem video clip || eminem wallpaper || eminem web site || eminem world || eminem world.com || fotos de eminem || heckscheibenaufkleber eminem || letras de eminem || look at eminem picture || lyric eminem || lyric eminem stan || ----- Man Blames Drunk-Driving On Fire--EEating Class -------- CALIFORNIA - A California resident has come up with a legiti- mate reason to test above the legal alcohol limit for drunk driving. When police officers pulled over magician Randall Richman, they claim his eyes were bloodshot, he could barely stand, smelled of alcohol and neglected to carry his license. A breath test estimated Richman's alcohol level to be twice the legal limit, but the magician maintains that he had been teaching a fire-eating class in Hollywood just prior to being stopped. The case will go to court on April 12, when the 32- year-old will contest the breath test. Richman will argue that there were three types of lighter fluid detected, not alcohol. Perhaps by April Richman will come up with an explanation for the bloodshot eyes... lyric for eminem || lyric for eminem song || lyric for eminem stan || lyric for stan by eminem || lyric of eminem || lyric to eminem || new eminem lyric || nude eminem || pic of eminem || picture of eminem || rap lyric by eminem || rap lyric by eminem || slim shady eminem lyric || stan by eminem || stan eminem || stan eminem lyric || stan lyric eminem || ----- Orgasms Seem A Bit Fishy For Femaalle Brown Trout ------ STOCKHOLM, Sweden - I wonder who funded the research grant for this one. Biologists at Sweden's National Board of Fisheries have discovered that female trout frequently fake orgasms. After watching 117 pairs of trout couple in an aquarium, the biologists concluded that female trout deceived males on 69 occasions. Under usual spawning circumstances, a pair of trout would simultaneously release eggs and sperm to maximize the chances of fertilization. However, in many cases they witnessed the female holding back at the last minute to see if a "superior male" would come along. This tactic is said to be an insurance policy against male in- fertility. -------------------- I Am The Egg Man ---------------------- MUNICH, Germany - In another bizarre pastime that those crazy Germans have invented is raw egg catching. Heinrich Sturn has broken the record, but not the egg, when he managed to catch a raw egg thrown from a 9 story building. He reportedly tried unsuccessfully to break this German record more than 10,000 times before succeeding. Ed Zachary Disease A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case ever see, dat why you not haf sex or dates." Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass." eminem lyric stan |