Chapter
11
Brian was asleep when I woke up. I decided that I wouldn't wake
him because he looked so peaceful. I kissed his forehead. It was so hard to
believe that he'd said he loved me. And I'd said it back! It was all so...
bizarre. And each time I thought about the acts of last night I smiled. It was
an amazing feeling to be so close to someone. I slipped back into my jammies
and crept out of the room, closing the door softly behind me. Serena I finally
got that hot sex with Brian, I thought. Giggling to myself, I spun
around....... and shrank on the inside. AJ was just coming up the stairs when
he saw me come out. Our eyes locked. What AJ had wanted to 'give me'-- it might
have been degrading and wrong.. but what I had done was even worse.
Technically, I'd cheated on him. We were supposed to have 'stopped being lonely
together.'
And AJ wasn't stupid. He knew just what was going on and I
figured he would let me have it. My mind went to work quickly thinking of some
story I could tell. "What the fuck is this?" he demanded when he
reached the top step and came very close to me. Close enough to smell the sex,
Brian's sex, all over me. Now I definitely couldn't get a lie out. I should
have blurted that Brian and I were in love, like he'd told me to. But my
insides were shaking so terribly I couldn't move my lips well enough to form
words. I had been caught and that was that. I was so ashamed of myself. Finally
I pulled it together. "AJ, I am so sorry... I--"
"Save it, Liz," he barked and looked at me disgusted
then turned to walk away. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around roughly,
my temper beginning to get the better of me. "Can I please explain?"
I cried, pulling AJ into my room. He jerked away from my grip but stood there
to hear me out. His brown eyes were glassy with tears. I felt a pang of guilt.
It hit me hard right in the gut and I knew that I had nothing to say to AJ that
would ever make this all right. I messed with my fingers. "Okay... I don't
know what to say but I'm sorry."
"I just have one thing to say to you, Elizabeth..." he
wiped his eyes. I looked up. "I hope it was some mind-blowing ass sex... I
really do. I hope it was so fuckin' worth me never speaking to you, looking at
you or any shit like that again."
"AJ, this isn't fair!" I finally decided I should throw
the past up in his face, "Brian told me
what you'd been wanting to give to me for so long! Fuck you, AJ... how could
you make me believe that you really wanted to be with me?"
"Because... I honestly did," his gorgeous brown eyes
sparkled of sincerity. I felt a lump beginning to form in my throat and averted
my eyes. There was so much hurt in his voice. "I mean, yeah, it started
off as me just wanting to fuck you... but that was because I didn't know you.
Once I did..." he didn't say anything for a long time and I found myself
succumbing to bittersweet tears. I knew this hit him hard in the heart...
Amanda had done the same thing to him before me. He was heart broken yet again.
"And I know... I know that I may be all sorts of fucked up, Liz.. but I
swear to God I would have never done this to you... because I care about you
Liz. Or I did." Harsh. "Oh, AJ..." my tears didn't allow me much
more than that. I couldn't even hold my head up. My hands were over my face.
".... I hope he fuckin' made you sing," AJ's tone was icy and sharp
and it stabbed at me. "Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't speak my
name or ask me for shit... and you can tell Littrell the same thing." With
that he turned and left me alone in my room and didn't look back for a second.