:panda-death:articles:the non chins
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I've always found men without chins to look suspicious. They stand around stroking their non-chins, making idle chit chat with passers by. It never struck me of how suspicious they look until I went to the circus. It was magnificent all those clowns and chair eating lions, I still find it jaw-dropping, the way they all twat about in a giant tent, it's all very gay. I was watching the ring master prancing around in his shiny red over coat and milk-concealing top hat. When a man with no chin in an overcoat came and sat near me. At first I was glancing across to see who this person was, when I spotted his non-chin face. I started to get very nervous and tried not to stare. But when he started fumbling around in his pocket I got very suspicious of him.

I went outside and phoned a friend and told them to come to the circus. I had a plan. I told Jeremy to stand at one side of the tent and start shouting things, so that I had a reason to look across. When I did so I noticed that the man was cleaning a group of very small mice. I looked a couple of more times; the third was when he caught me. He asked me what I was looking at and I asked him about the mice. "They're growing me new chins" he said, I questioned him again, this time on why he needed so many chins "There's 6 growing chins because some might fail. There is only a 1 in 6 chance of a IVC working!" I wondered what an IVC was. I wandered home, trying to think of a clever name that could go to IVC, but I was left undecided over 2 - lncluding Vermin Chins and Inter Variety Chin-plant. I shall consult my GP as to what IVC actually means. I hope that I don't lose my chin because I don't know what I would do without it, especially if it had hair on it.

I'm sure that the non-chins are planning some kind of revolt. I hope it doesn't end up like the one in the 60's - that was frightening. If they revolt I hope it ends quickly. I don't want to face not-looking at their non-chins for any long length of time - my neck is already as stiff as a brick and looking down all day would surely leave me muddled.

That's it for my column this week. I need to rest my tired, withered hands.