:panda-death:articles:steve guttenberg
film   articles   music   contact   links

"he makes elvis look like...like Steve Guttenberg!"
Rob Schneider - "The Animal"

On a cold, winters day Steve S Guttenberg braved the crowds to see his first ever Halloween Boat Show. He was crushed by a speed boat which careered out of control and crashed into the main stand killing nine. He survived, but the harrowing ordeal left the 20 year old terriblly disfigured mentally. "It was like I was a new person" he claimed. "I couldn't remember why I was even called Steve. I had to be reminded that it was my name nearly all the time"

He somehow got over his misery and went into the police force - or so he thought. It turned out that he was to be involved in the police farce scandal of '82 in which normal citizens were offered places as police officers, but were actually secretly filmed doing crazy things for a film series titled "Police Academy" the precurssor to recent BBC hit "Fame Academy"

"I spent weeks in a mental home for the sick - I was being treated like a madman!" said Guttenberg on his experience in the sick, twisted home. "They fed me stale soup everyday and just kept breaking up my collection of coins. They'd move one to one side of the room and one to the other, you could see the Presidents were becoming mighty lonely. I often wondered if I should talk to them a bit... you know support their cause. But they didn't support mine, did they?"

The next thing Steve did was unexpected, even to him, he went back to Police Academy for Police 
Academy 2. "It used the same old jokes, but had some cool guy making sound effects. Now he was 
funny!" clamoured Steve. "I couldn't help laughing when I was in a scene with him" He lamented. 
"There are so many outtakes with me cracking my head off at his helicopter noises. I loved him."