In July of 1992, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal
brain cancer. He was given two weeks to two months to live. On October
10th - two and a half months later, my Dad's final journey here on earth
ended. It's was the hardest thing I've ever experienced
in my life. I felt as if my world had crumbled all around me. My Mentor,
my Rock was gone. But as hard as the experience was, in those two and a
half months, I learned so much from him. Lessons that I will carry
with me for the rest of my life.
From the moment that my Dad was diagnosed with cancer,
he started to prepare himself and everyone he loved for his final journey. He
faced his death with such grace and dignity. He left no words unspoken.
We shared so much those two and a half months and made so many memories.
One particular memory will always stand out in my
mind. It was a day in September, about a month before he died.
I went out to the hospital to spend my evening with him like I did every
day. I could tell something was on his mind. He told me that he wanted me
to read something that he wrote and let him know what I thought. He
handed me a piece of paper and as I started to read, I realized that it
was his eulogy. He had written his own eulogy for his funeral. Although I
wanted to rip it up and pretend that he was going to be with me
forever, I knew that this was very important to him and so I read it. It
was so beautiful, yet I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for
him to write.
I never considered myself a strong person, in fact just
the opposite. I always looked to my Dad for strength, and he was always
right there ready to give it. On that day in September, as I read my
fathers eulogy through my tears, an overwhelming sense of pride came
over me. I was so proud that my Dad actually felt that I was
strong enough to handle that. That he felt comfortable enough to share
such a personal and emotional thing with me. I can't tell you how honored
I was that he wanted to share that with me.
My Dad has been gone for nine and a half years now.
It's been hard, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish he
was here with me. I miss him very much. I miss his wisdom, I miss
his hugs and most of all, I miss hearing him call me "Schnook". But
I feel his presence and I take a
lot of comfort in
knowing that he is up in Heaven looking down on me. It's ironic, he
was always my strength. But that day in the hospital when he asked me to
read his eulogy, I think it was his way of showing me that I had my
own source of strength inside of me the whole time.... and that I was
going to be ok. That was his gift to me.
Amy S. Toohill
My Dad told me before he died that he'd talk to the
"Man Upstairs" about giving me a life filled with love and
happiness. Six months later I met my husband, Bob. We've been married
now for seven years and reside in DeWitt, Illinois. In memory of my father, I
have become very involved in a wonderful ministry called Chemo Angels, where
we offer support for people with cancer. "We begin by imagining
that we are giving to them; we end by realizing that they have enriched
us." Become a ChemoAngel today.... www.chemoangels.com
Copyright 2000 by Amy S. Toohill, All rights reserved