The Storm Has Passed
It came out of the blue like a tornado brewing,
I was hyperventilating and sighing deeply as I awoke.
Someone was sitting on my chest
(or at least it felt like it anyway).
Someone's grabbed me around the throat (I think)
as I gasp for breath, fear rising.
My hands grasp tightly in sweaty fists, arms flexing.
I want to scream as the tension builds.
The base of my skull cries out in pain.
I grab my hair and pull wanting to release the tension.
I start to pace as the inferno boils inside
wanting to scream to let it all go.
I press my skull between my hands holding my breath.
My muscles knot in retaliation.
...Take control...Stop the cycle...Breathe...Deeply...
I sit cross legged on the floor and very slowly massage between my
first two toes.
(It's supposed to help, so I've heard).
Then one palm at a time, I slowly massage counter clockwise.
...It's not working...I'm losing control...I want to run...
Remember to breathe...Deeply in your nose...Blow out your
mouth...
That's it... Don't gasp for air...Breath in all the way from your toes
to your head.
I begin to tremble...then shake...I'm freezing...
Lie down. I cover my body with one, two , then three heavy blankets.
Breathe...Breathe...Breathe...Slowly...Smoothly...Deeply...
Hands on your abdomen...Feel it rise...Slowly...In...Out...
The trembling subsides...
Five...ten...fifteen minutes...Calm slowly returns. My mind starts
to clear.
I did it! It took half an hour but I made it through.
It's okay! I'm okay! Time to rest.
The storm has passed.
Marilyn Dixon Pfanstiel
Panic Attack - April 1996
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