Emerging Courageous Online Magazine - Poetry
MY PAIN - Dakota Barrett
Have you ever been lost in a bottomless hole
so deep in despair to the depths of your soul?
And you cry all the time, through the night and the day,
just searching for someone to show you the way.
But there is no-one there who can understand
though some show you friendship and give you their
hand
So many friends say "depression, so what?
Pull yourself out if that's all you've got".
But they don't understand, they can't possibly,
the depths of despair and how bad it can be.
You scream "God please help me, I can't stand anymore".
Only one way out, and you're there at death's door.
You just want an end, "Oh God, let me die
anything's better than living this lie".
There's anguish and pain, sorrow and dread,
Then fear gets a hold and gets stuck in your head.
The days drag by, each one just the same,
and life's so unfair, one big ugly game.
Then suddenly one day you feel a bit better.
You write to a friend a short disjoint letter.
You wonder what's happened for months in the past
so much of your memory so empty and vast.
But they say "You're improving, I said that you
would"
and you suddenly realize you're feeling quite good.
It's been so long since you were able to smile,
tears upon tears, for mile after mile.
When you find your way back you will be so much stronger,
so trust me my brethren, don't wait any longer.
Believe in the experts, and try meditation
where now there's no hope you will find your salvation.
You must learn to trust and believe in yourself.
You can be so much better, get down off that shelf.
Do things to be happy, but be patient and kind.
Do everything slowly, bring peace to your mind.
You took a long time to get sick and unwell.
It won't take as long to get out of this hell.
Believe me dear friends in all that I say
I have been down in that hole for many a day.
After more than a year of dreading this way,
I can now look and smile at each beautiful day.
Life is a gift and a treasure I say,
so look for your rainbow, you'll find it today.
Written 4/8/1991 after being on drug therapy for about a
year,
and dedicated to my therapist of the time, Dr. D. Grocott.
(c) Dakota Barrett [email protected]