| Title: Through the eyes of a child Part: five Rated: R By Spanky Content Warning: Child abuse and mention abuse towards Johnny Previously: Becka jumps off a utility tower. Sparing a glance sideways,Roy found Johnny sitting slumped against the passenger's side window with his eyes tightly closed. He was very pale and still shaky. Roy didn't know what to say to his partner. It was very obvious his partner's hurt was leaving him not only physically drained but emotionally as well Sensing Roy's eyes on him, Johnny slowly opened his eyes finding Roy watching him with concern. With a sigh he took a deep breath. " Roy I owe you and the rest of the guys an apology. I wish I could explain my actions to you but I know that you'll never understand, so I won't even try." Johnny said in a strangled voice just above a shisper. Roy studied his partner's drawn and strained face for a momnt , Then speaking in a compassinate and low voice " Johnny what ever it is that's eating at you will keep eating unless you talk about it. And your're right we might not fully understand , but as least we could be there for you. We can listen and try to understand." Receiving no answer Roy glanced at Johnny, the realization of Johnny's fear and pahin hitting him like a slap in the face as he watched the silent tears stream down his partner's face. " Johnny I have to tell you, your're scarring the hell out of me here, And it's not just me, It's Jo and the kids, the rest of the guys at the station all your friends at Rampart. Hell Jo's scared to death that you might have a brain tumer like her cousin had. You need to talk to us Johnny." Roy said in a quiet voice. A ghost of a smile touched Johnny's lips . He was deeply touched to think that so many people cared about him. Thought Roy's words had been both harsh and soothing Johnny knew they came from his heart. " Tell Joanne she has nothing to worry about, I dont' have a brain tumor. " Johnny whispered in a ragged breath " Then what is it Johnny? Please talk to me, make me understand." Roy begged reaching over Roy placed his hand on Johnny's shoulder giving him a comforting pat. " If it would be easier on you we could go to the dorm or I could even ask Capt if we could use his office." Roy offered feeling Johnny's pain. " Roy it would be easier but I owe the guys an explanation as well as you. especially Chet and Marco. I think it's best if I tell you all together." Johnny said giving in " Are you sure Junior?" Roy asked knowing that the other guys did deserve an explanation as to Johnny's behavior but his concern for Johnny's well being was much more important. " Hell no I ain't sure." Johnny said getting out of the squad as soon as it came to a stop. " But I'm losing my mind I need you guys now more then ever." With a purpose Johnny walked into the day room before he could change his mind. " How'd it go at Rampart?" Capain Stanley asked looking at Johnny's tear streaded face to Roy's stony one. " She's in really rough shape. It turns out her father has been abusing her. You guys should have see her, she has welts on her back and many bruises on her legs." Johnny said dropping his head unable to hold his tears off any longer. " Well she's going to be okay now isn't she?" Chet asked seeing the tears on Johnny's face. " It's not quite that easy Chet, even though her father's been arrested she has to recover from the abuse she has suffered and that's going to take a long time." Roy explained as he looked at Johnny's drained face. " Could I talk to you guys about something?" Johnny started and then stopped. What the hell am I doing, I can't tell them about this. He debated with himself. He could feel the all to familiar knots forming in his stomach. Stanley looked up into Johnny's eyes and did a double take Johnny's eyes were filled with the look of pleading and pain. His eyes begged for understanding. " Sure Pal, what's on your mind." " What I have to say is really hard for me, hell I'm not even sure if I can do this and I'm not sure that you guys are going to be able to hear it. So I would appreciate it if you could let me say it all at once." Johnny said swallowing, his throat suddenly becoming very dry. " If it will help you Johnny then we can hear anything you have to say." Stoker said pushing a glass of juice in his direction With a grateful smile Johnny took a drink before continuing." Chet what I'm about to tell you guys is a part of my soul. The part that I would rather keep hidden but a part that needs to be let out. I need you to promise me that what I say here today the Phantom won't use to his advantage someday later down the line." Johnny said looking at Chet for understanding " Hey Johnny, the Phantom isn't even in the room , I'm here Chester B Kelly and what ever you have to say the Phantom will never hear a word of. You have my word as your friend." Chet said with sincerity. " When I was seven my parents were killed , I was taken in by my father's brother Morris Gage. Oh he didn't want to do it and he reminde me daily of this fact. He said I was nothing but a worthless half breed and that he did not like me. He only took me in because he knew my father would expect it from him. Life with my Uncle was rough, real rough." Johnny stopped as the tears ran down his cheeks. " Damn this is hard." Johnny said before continuing." It was my job to keep the house clean and to cook the meals. I was seven years old, you dont do a good job at seven. A burnt meal or a forgotten piece of laundry wearned me a beating with his belt or often with an old lamp cord, he said he saved just for the occasion. The beationg usually never stopped until I was bloody. He would use any excuse to hit me. He expected me home twenty minutes after school let out, we lived three miles form the school. When I couldn't make it home in that twenty minutes he would knock me up side the head. Now you know how I learned to run so fast." Johnny said trying for humor but having no luck taking a deep breath and letting it out slow. " By the time I had been with my Uncle for a year some of the teachers were questioning my accidents. See in that year, I had had a broken arm a broken nose, more stitches then could be counted and bruises on top of bruises. You learn to lie real well, real fast at a real early age when your afraid for your next breath. So needless to say they called my Uncle in for a meeting to discuss my accidents. Man he was really mad, he glared at me and then told the prinicpal that I was nothing more then a clumsy child. Of course they bought it. Hell man Morris Gage was the Fire Chief for Little Rock" Johnny said taking a shuddering breath as memories of his Uncle came over him. Hank Stanley looked into Johnny's pain filled face realizing for the first time why it was so hard for him to shake the Chief's hand . It wasn't out of disrespect, but out of pure fear. Looking at the rest of his crew he knew they understood also. " The ride home was very long.My Uncle kept telling me how I would be sorry for embarrassing him like that and how he knew he had made a big mistake taking my worthless ass in. Once we got hom he dragged me into the house and tied me to a chair, man I was scared, more scared than I've ever been. I begged him not to hurt me but he just laughed at me and punched me in the back of the head. I don't remember much after he started punching and kicking me, at some point I must have lost consciousness cause the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor after my Uncle threw a bucket of water in my face. I was lying on the floor and I hurt. But it was nothing compared to how I felt after he got done with the belt it was almost a week before I could get out of bed." Johnny stopped at the sharp intake of breath and turned to find Marco was white as a sheet with tears in his eyes. "Oh Johnny God I'm so sorry." Marco whispered. " I know you are Marco and I'm sorry for what I said to you but it wasn't you that I saw that day." Johnny explained before returning to his story." After that my Uncle started spending more and more time at the fire station leaving me alone. I didn't care at least there was no more beating durning that time. Then one morning I got up and he was back, he was pissed because his breakfast wasn't ready. I kept saying I was sorry afraid of what was coming. Anyway I was carring a mug of hot coffee over to him when I spilled some of it, Man he went nuts. He asked me if I'd rather wear the coffee and then shoved the cup of hot coffee into my bare chest. I wear the scars from the third degree burns I received that day. " Johnny said as he opened his shirt to show his friends his chest. He looked at Chet wanting him to understand. Chet's stomach churned at the sight of the burn scars that covered a portion of Johnny's left shoulder and chest. " Johnny I would never hurt yuou, I hope you know that." Chet said as his eyes watered " I do Chet now. " Johnny assured " Okay well to make a long story short, I was eleven when I decided one day I wasn't going home from school. instead I went to a neighbor's house to play. My Uncle came looking for me and when he found me he dragged me out of Mr. Anderson's house kicking and screaming. Mr. Anderson called the cops. It took them three hours to respond by the time they did, I was unconsious and in deep shock from my wounds. My Uncle stabbed me, broke my leg, fractured my skull along with six ribs. Doctors didn't think I would make it through surgery, but I did and then I spent three months in a coma." As Johnny finished he laid his head down on the table his body shook from all the memories. " Johnny, why didn't you come to me when you first started to remember?" Roy asked quietly as he laid his arm across Johnny's shoulders. With a gasp Johnny jerked back away from Roy's touch. Seeing the hurt in his friends eyes Johnny hung his head " I'm sorry Roy, I wanted to. I just didn't know what was happening to me. All these nightmares were going through my head and I didn't know what they meant. At first I thought that they were just because I was upset about seeing Becka that way. But then I kept seeing myself in my dreams I was scared. When I was holding Becka by the arms after she jumped I looked down into her eyes and saw myself." Johnny said wipping tears from his eyes. " Everything's alright now Johnny, you got her away from her father and she'll go to a foster home and be able to forget everything that happened to her. " Chet said " Forget, you think she is going to be able to forget. This isn't some toy she lost this is a part of her soul she lost, she will never forget. Oh she might be able to push the memories to the back of her mind like I did in time , but she will never forget." Johnny said in defeat " Your not sure about that Johnny she could." Mike said " I'm sure Mike, more sure of this than anything I've ever been sure of . None of you guys know what it's like to wake up at three o'clock in the morning screaming in terror. Your in a cold sweat and your heart feels like it going to beat through your chest. You run from your bed and lose what you had in your stomach and then spend the rest of the night crying and yet you have no idea why. I hope none of you guys ever have to know that fear." Johnny said in a very small voice. The guys sat helplessly watching Johnny draw his knees to his chest and cried heart wrenching tears. They all wanted to help him but non of them knew how. " You know Johnny we understand Becka may not ever forget. If anyone should know my God it's you. but I still have to believe that she is better off. Now she'll go to a foster home where at least she wont be abused." Captain Stanley said trying to give confort " Better off Capt? Oh yeah she might not get beat every day, but she wont be better off. She won't have the most important things in life. Like hugs and kisses good night. There wont be anyone there to tuck her in at night or wish her a happy birthday, there wont be anyone there to just tell her I love you. If she's real lucky she'll be able to stay in one home for more then a month." Johnny said without raising his head " I don't understand Johnny , why wouldn't she stay in the foster home on a permanent basis?" Roy asked confused " She's a battered child Roy, we carry a not only physical but emotional scars . It takes a special person to take in a battered child, most foster homes don't want the added work that come with a battered child. Not only will Becka have to heal from her wounds but she will go to a home where she knows no one, she'll be all alone with complete strangers and be forced to see a shrink." Johnny said sadly. TBC |