| Title: For the sake of love Part: Forty five By: Spanky Content Warning: Adult language, and content. Previously: The crew at station 51 visit Johnny, Roy and Nicci in the hospital Authors Notes: Two days later Sitting on the bleachers surrounded by his friends and family Roy watched Chris's fellow team mates as they picked him up over their shoulders as a way of cheer and celebration for it was Chris's touchdown that won them the first game of the season. As he heard the cheers and laughter coming from his son, a certain happiness fell on Roy for he realized just how lucky he was and how important it was for him to be where he was. " Hey dad, did you see me?" Chris asked his blue eyes fixed on Roy as he ran up to the bleachers " Yeah I did son, it was a good game and you did great." Roy smiled. "But then again, you're a DeSoto." " Now your not at all bias are you Pally?" Johnny teased " Who me?" Roy laughed deep down he was " Hey dad, I'm starved can we go out for some pizza or something." Chris asked hopefull " You bet we can." Roy agreed " That's a fine idea, we can stop by Rampart and see Nicci on our way." Joanne suggested as she knew that Roy hadn't seen her since they came home three nights ago. " Oh Jo, I'm a little to tired to do a lot running. Maybe tomorrow when I'm more rested." Roy declinded. ....... Five days later......... Walking into the living room Joanne stopped in order to study Roy who was sitting in his chair. For five days she asked him if he wanted to join her at Rampart to visit Nicci, and five days he turned her down with excuses ranging from being tired to having a headache. Although she didn't dout his words she senced that it was more then what he was letting on. " Hey Roy." She greeted softly while taking her seat on the foot stool to face her husband." I'm going up to Rampart, you want to come with?" she asked hopefull that this time would be differant " Oh Jo I don't think so, I think I better stay here and get some things done that I've been needing to do." Roy refused. " Roy, why dont' you want to see her? Joanne asked while looking at Roy with strong disapproval. Watching Roy as he turned away from her question she asked." Roy why don't you want to go?" " Just don't want to go Jo." Roy said flatly " Come on Roy that's not fair to......" She started only to be interupted by the raising of Roy's voice " LOOK JO, I DONT WANT TO SEE HER RIGHT NOW, AND NOT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IS GOING TO MAKE ME DO SOMETHING I DON'T WANT TO DO." as he shot out of his chair and headed for the front door. Now on the verge of tears Joanne said." Roy why wont you talk to me? I'm your wife. Don't you know that you can talk to me about anything. I know you what you were put through." " YOU WASN' T EVEN THERE, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW ANYTHING." " No I wasn't but I would know, if you would just tell to me." Joanne said " YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND." Roy hissed " Try me." Joanne challenged. " JUST FORGET IT, WHAT'S THE.........." Roy stopped as he heard his own temper ringing loud. Then taking his voice down to almost a whisper he added. " Jo I got to get out of here for awhile, I'll be back in a couple hours. Ending the confirntation he walked through the opened door without turning to face his wife. Had he of turned to face Jo, he would have seen the tears that his voice had caused. ....... Two hours later........ As Joanne sat alone on the couch, it was unclear to her the reasons why Roy for the first time in their marrage raised his voice to her. She knew that whatever had happened to him, it was bad enough to tear her family apart. Feeling that her family would never be the same she hung her head to cry. " Jo." Johnny called out softly Picking her head up towards his voice Joanne greeted" Oh Hi Johnny, what brings you by?" " Oh I just wondered how things were going, I knock but no one answered." Johnny said while taking his seat next to Joanne. For a moment Johnny studied the look of saddness on Joanne's face. Needing to know why he asked." Joanne you want to talk about it?" " It's nothing really." Joanne said Then looking up at Johnny she confessed." I just don't know what to do. I'm so worried about Roy, it kills me to see him hurting so much and to have him refuse to let me help him. I don't understand why he wont go to Rampart to see Nicci." She stopped. Once wiping her tear streaked cheeks she said almost in plea." Johnny you were there, What happened to Roy?" Taking in Johnny's story Joanne hung her head as more tears consumed her "Jo, you have to understand something, he and I both was forced to have sex with Nicci. We had a gun pointed to our heads and if we didn't do what we was being told then we wouldn't be alive today." He stopped hearing Joanne's pain through her tears he placed his arm gently around her shoulders before continuing." I do remember after they tied Roy back up to the tree and took Nicci away so that they could take turns on her, I looked at Roy and I will never forget the look on his face. Jo his eyes were so empty and so full of pain. It was almost as if he lost a part of his soul." His voice was now lined with tears as his memories came back to haunt him." Where's Roy at now?" " I don't know, he said he was just going out." She said For a moment Johnny thought of where Roy might have gone. He knew that in the past when he and the others would get together for drinks after their shift, they would end up at Cystal Light Saloon. Getting a strong hunch Johnny offered as he stood up."I'll go see if I can find him." Walking over to the door he turned to face Joanne who had followed him." I'll be back as soon as I can Jo, try not to worry." He ended by bending down to her giving her a friendly peck on the cheek. .......... Walking through the old fashioned swing style doors, Johnny was instantly slapped in the face with the thick blanket of blue smoke as it floated in the air. Glancing around he spotted Roy sitting on a bar stool. From where he stood he could see the hurt lingering in his best friends eyes as he starred aimlessly down at the full glass of beer sitting in front of him. Although he wasn't to sure as to what he could say to help ease Roy's pain, he knew that as his best friend he had to try. With that thought he made his advance towards Roy, taking a seat next to him. Looking at up at the bar tender while raising his arm, Johnny called out ." Jerry could I get a beer. " Then turning he watched Roy as he hung his head downward. Deciding not to put it off any longer Johnny said."Hey Pally, what are you doing?" Taking his eyes off the brown liquid, Roy then looked at Johnny and said." I don't know Junior, my sole purpose when I came in here was to get rip snorting drunk. But now I don't know what the hell I'm doing in here." " Well that's good isn't it?" Johnny asked. " I mean, how many times have you told me that drinking doesn't make a problem go away it only leaves you with on hell of a hang over in the morning." " Now that's a switch, you giving me my own advise." Roy smiled as he pushed his beer glass off to the side. Relieved with Roy's reaction Johnny dipped into his pocket. " Jerry here." He offered handing the bar tender what he and Roy owed him. Then turning he suggested." Roy, let's get out of here and go for a walk.." .......... Walking along side his partner and best friend Johnny called out" Hey Roy." Watching Roy turn his head as a way of responding Johnny continued." I went up to see Nicci today." " How's she doing?" Roy asked as he and Johnny stopped their journey at a public park bench While taking his seat next to Roy Johnny said " She's bothered by nightmares but they're getting better. Doctor Brackett said that she's gained a couple pounds too. He's hopeful that she'll gain enough for delivery." Johnny then turned to face Roy, wanting answers he asked." Roy level with me man, why don't you want to see Nicci? she asked me why you haven't been up there to see her." " I can't face her Johnny, not after what I've done." Roy said his words spoken soft and low as he thought about the day his world crashed. You have to start dealing with what happened. Roy this isn't right." " I know Johnny, but it's just to soon. Let me deal with it in my own time and in my own way." Hearing his partner's words lined with plea, Johnny decided it best not to press the issue, Instead he changed the subject" I talked to Joanne tonight about what happened." Seeing that his confession was upsetting for his partner to hear, Johnny added. " Come on Roy, she had a right to know. She was crying when I stopped over, and she asked me what happened. She's worried about you, hell we all are." " Don't worry about me, I'll fine." Roy lied " Roy you're not going to be fine. " Studying Roy as his tears were winning the battle Johnny added." Look I didn't particularly like having his dick shoved up my ass either. But I refuse to let it get to me, and you can't let what happened get to you. If you do, then your still tied to that damn tree and Roger is still very much in control of you." Recaping Johnny's words Roy said." Junior I know I have to face her, but I'm so angry. I mean, how could I do such a thing? She's my baby girl for God sakes." " Roy, it's not your fault, you had no choice. Think of it this way, think of Chris's football the other day. If you didn't do what you did then you wouldn't have been there." " I hear what your saying Junior and I understand that, but I should have been stronger, I should have had more control then what I did." " Roy you're a man, haven't you ever heard the phrase a man's dick has a mind of it's own. It's not just words you know, there's truth in it." Johnny reminded. Seeing the look if guilt build on his partner's face Johnny decided it best not to continue the coversation" Hey let's get going, I told Joanne that I would be back and I dont want her to worry anymore then what she is already." .............. Walking through the front door Roy stopped as he noticed the look of worry on Joanne's face. With his tears a steady flow he hung his head and sobbed. " I'm so sorry Jo, I didn't mean it." Taking Roy in her arms Joanne leaned in kissing his tear stained cheek. Hearing his sobs she soothed." It's okay honey, I got you and I'm never going to let you go." ............. TBC |