I don't think I've ever felt more disallusioned with the world than I do today.  I think that I expect people to be too honorable. A friend pointed out to me that she doesn't ever expect anyone to be honorable, that way she isn't disappointed. Maybe that's the attitude I should have? It most likely is, then I wouldn't be disappointed all the time. It seems to be a reacurring theme in my life. Disappointment in people, that is.

I go along my merry way in life, expecting people to see it the way I do. I expect too much, this is true, hence the disappointment. An issue I should work on. However, I don't think it's too much to expect people to honor friendships, promises, relationships built over time, and years of experience. Today I feel as if all the studying, practicing, and working I have done has no value. Which is silly. I shouldn't allow this situation to make me feel that way, but it does.

Have you ever been part of something that didn't completely suit you? It just wasn't a good fit, you weren't happy, so you made a change. You still care about, respect, and love the people who were part of it with you, and you want to keep your relationships with them, but just don't want to be part of the greater whole anymore? Then when you left, you found yourself scrambling to maintain those relationships, felt left out of the loop, devalued, and basically persona non grata? That's me today. Disappointed and disallusioned. Did I expect too much? Probably. Should I have? dunno... Maybe it's just human nature to discount the people who leave.. I mean how often have you managed to maintain the relationships you had when you worked one place and then quit to work another? You grow apart, life happens, erosion of the relationship happens over time. It's inevitable. I can remember people I worked with at one place, got to be friends with, and then they left. We saw each other occasionally and then it drifted off to nothing. Maybe that's how it should be? I dunno, it's food for thought anyway.

The one thing I know I'm not expecting too much about is how one ends things. At least not for myself. If I need to end a relationship, at this stage in my life, I am honorable enough to end it personally, rather than chickening out with emails or silence. I have been left high and dry so many times over the years, I've developed real issues in this arena. My ex husband dropped me off at work one day and that's the last time I ever saw him. No phone call, no screw you, nothing. That has happened to me in varying degrees over and over. Someone I know would tell me that it's because I'm doing something wrong. I used to think so. Not anymore. Ending things properly is just a matter of honor. Some people are too chicken to have it. My advice to you, the readers (since this blog is now also seen on my website), is end things with people honorably. No matter what your relationship is. If it's a friendship, a love relationship, a working relationship, anything. Don't send the person who doesn't even see it coming an impersonal email, or leave them a voicemail, or message. Don't write notes. Be honorable, and give them the curtesy of a phone call. Yes, you might have to answer questions, yes you might feel uncomfortable, yes you might even have a bit of drama, but your karma will be the better for it. If you take the chicken's way out, it will come back to bite you and someone will do the same thing to you later on down the road, at the very least and seeing how Karma works, it will probably be worse. When you do something impersonally, you only leave the other person feeling hurt and betrayed.

Blessings,

Em