Well, today has been a very upsetting day. Patrick's mom called this morning and we got the news I've been dreading. We have to go back to Indiana because Patrick has a court date on June 6th.

To recap: Patrick got a DUI in 1996. He got another one in 2000 or 1999 can't remember exactly. Because he got a second one inside of five years it was a felony conviction. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail. He did four of it and was let out on probation. He moved his probation to Missouri and moved here. He was dumb and didn't check in with his P.O. like he was supposed to. He didn't go to his counseling. His only excuse, he couldn't get a ride. Of course it never dawned on him that this would catch up with him eventually. Fast forward till after we meet and Dayanera is born. He gets pulled over 2 1/2 years ago and finds out there is a felony warrant out for his arrest. We make a zillion phone calls and find out that when he violated his probation MO reported to Indy and Indy issued a subpoena for him to appear in court. Patrick was no longer living at the address he was supposed to be at (of course he didn't notify anyone, like he's supposed to) and his brother's ex roommate signed for the subpoena. Patrick didn't show up for court cause he didn't know about it and they issue a warrant for his arrest. It does not matter that he didn't sign for the subpoena (he violated his probation). So we go to Indy 2 years ago and pay all the court costs, etc. associated with this. That is all paid. We hire a lawyer who doesn't do anything. So this year we got a new lawyer... just paid him last month. 750$... God this has cost like 5 grand so far. So now the lawyer has gotten us a new court date.

Here's what could happen:

1. They count Patrick's voluntary 50 hours SATOP (40 hrs group counseling and 10 hrs. individual) as the fullfillment of his drug and alcohol abuse counseling requirements for his probation. Let him go cause he's been a solid citizen for the last two years, sober, on the dean's list, has wife/kids, sole provider for his family, and member of the honor society.

2. They can make him finish out his 18 month sentence. Which will be 14 months.. cause he served four of it.

3. They can fine him.

4. They can tack more time on for the violation, etc.

5. They can do any combo of all of this.

So of course I'm freaked. I'm scared to death my husband is going to have to go back to jail. God, I know what I'm going to do if it happens. I'm just so scared that it will happen. If Patrick has to go to jail then me and my kids are moving to Indiana.

We go for court on the sixth of June. I'll find out then. If they keep him then I probably won't be home for at least a week. Then I'll be back to pack and figure out how the hell I'm going to move me and the kids to Indy. I can go to Ball State University in the fall, sub, and between patrick's Aunts and mom I'll have sitters. The problem is making it till then. We have four credit cards that have to be paid on, I'll have to pay rent, utilities, and make payments on Patrick's student loans cause they'll come due if he's not in school. I can't quit school cause then mine will come due. I have to maintain at least half time. I'm gonna have to work, so I can pay our bills and won't qualify for any assistance cause I'm working. I dunno what will happen to my kids... sigh... they will not understand this... they are sooooo nuts about their Daddy. Hell, Maverick prefers his Daddy over me.

I'm so terrified. Me and Patrick have lived in each other's pockets for the four years we've been together. We've never spent more than a couple of days apart and that was only when I went to the Ren fair w/Laura and Kim and then when my Grandaddy died. I missed him so bad that I called like four times a day and he called me just as much.

I've never been happier in my whole life than I have been with Patrick the last two years. I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love him. We've been through so much together, I just don't know how I'm going to handle it if he has to go to jail. Our first two years together were so rocky, but you know we got it together and these days you just can't get any tighter than we are. He's worked so hard to change his life. It just isn't fair, if this doesn't work out well. He got his two year chip from AA this month, he got inducted into the honor society this year, he made the dean's list this semester. He works so hard.

I told Amanda today that I was activating the phone tree... sigh... you know from Practical Magic? Calling all magickal people!!! HELP!! I do not want to go to Indiana, I don't want to lose my husband for a year and a half. I don't want my kids to lose their Daddy at an age where they are liable to forget him if he is gone too long. That would break his heart.

If he does go to jail, we can visit him twice a week, but he'll be behind glass. Zandra (my mother-in-law) says you can take kids. I dunno how good that will be for them either. I feel so lost right now. What in the hell am I going to do?

If they keep him at that court date, I gotta figure out where we are going to live, get a job, find childcare, and hope to Goddess I can pay our bills. I can stay with Zandra for a little while, but not very long. It's summer so there's no school on to sub for, so I'll have to find another job. And it's going to have to be a job that pays better than Patrick's job does right now cause I'm going to have to pay childcare, rent, utilities, and our bills. We don't have childcare or rent as an expense now.

There's other stuff to worry about too, if I have to move now. WOM for one. I hate to leave Laura and Kim in the lurch with me in another state without much notice. Then there's my animals, my friends, James & Amanda, and all of that. You know we were planning to move after we graduated from school. We want to go to Hawaii, but I was going to have years to plan for that. This is going to happen in very short amount of time.

My Grandma says not to borrow trouble. I'm not borrowing trouble here. I have very little faith in Patrick's luck when it comes to the legal system. We have just been burned too many times. The amount of justice you get in this country is directly related to how much money you have and who you know. I sat in a court room last year and listened to testimony that most people would have aquitted a man on. There was so many holes in the accusations against Dan and no evidence to back them up, yet a judge still gave him 20 years for a crime he didn't commit. Hell, even if he did do it, there wasn't any evidence that he did. That's what you get when it's just you and a judge. Always have a jury trial, but that was the military and our court system is a little different.

I dunno... you know, normally I feel better after having posted in here about stuff, but today I just don't. I really wish I could have a Drama free life for a while.

~Natalie