I suppose I should clarify some things that I wrote in my blog. The autism thing didn't start at school. It started being a suspicion when Dayanera was about 18 months. She was very speech delayed, had some odd mannerisms, and a host of other symptoms. Her pediatrician was worried and so were we. We almost had her tested last year and I changed my mind at the last minute. We blamed the problems on everything you can think of including having her hearing tested because her ability to ignore someone is fantastic. I've been convincing myself that once she got into school, she'd come out of it. In this case her school is not trying to label her as learning disabled to pawn her off on another teacher. Although, I do agree with Selestia that this happens. They tried to do it with my step daughter Andrynne (previous marriage), but that's another story. Head start isn't doing this because head start doesn't have that option. They don't send the kids with problems to an LD teacher because there is no LD teacher. The ladies over at head start are great and genuinely concerned, which is nice. I called Dayanera's head start teacher thursday and was on the phone with her for over 2 hours. I kept her there long after she was supposed to leave and she patiently answered all my questions and discussed every aspect of my child's development with me. I was really impressed actually. Like Selestia, I thought Dayanera was just a little weird and the problems she had were mostly due to being by herself so much (no other kids to play with cept her brother). It's when you see her around other kids her age that you realize how far behind she is. sigh. Her chronological age is 3 1/2 (will be 4 in march). Her developmental age is somewhere around 1 1/2, her linguistic age is somewhere around 2, her logical age (ability to use logic) is somewhere around 5 or 6, and her memory/understanding is somewhere around 5 or 6 as well. I have been extremely resistant to testing her for autism before head start. I was worried about labeling her at such a young age, but I also didn't want to admit that there was a problem. The truth is that early intervention in autism can make the difference between high functioning and so high functioning you can't even tell.

Head start doesn't want to test her IQ because they think she's not smart or anything like that. They want to test her IQ because they think it's high and that she falls into the spectrum of gifted autism. On a side note, they believe that Albert Einstein may have been autistic. Autism is not a stigma for intelligence. Autism is generally a social disorder, especially in the high functioning spectrum. Since I am studying to become a teacher, though thank the goddess it's not in the lower grades. LOL. I'm working on middle school and eventually high school certification. I have had to study exceptional children. As a matter of fact there is an entire class dedicated to the subject that I'll be taking in the fall. The exceptional child encompasses everything from LD, autism, gifted, etc.

I've done hours and hours of research on the subject.. sigh... talked to Amanda, who's son has ausperger's (high functioning autism).. talked to Dayanera's pediatrician... talked to her teachers.. and studied this subject in my classes. If Dayanera is not autistic then there is definitely a problem. She fits around half the criteria which is almost a sure sign that she is. There can be other explanations for some of her behavior but they aren't likely. It's taken me a long time to come to this point. Patrick and I have been convincing ourselves admirably that she'd just "come out" of it. All the time I have spent with her teaching her to count, her colors, letters, numbers, and other things should have made me realize.

Because I've been in school since right after Dayanera was born, I thought I just wasn't spending enough time with her. Maverick has made that case for me. You can't get any more normal developmentally than Maverick. There is no problem at least as far as I can tell and certainly nothing like what has been going on with Dayanera. Which is weird because 3 out of 4 autistic children are boys... not girls.... I'm with my kids all day long these days. I haven't been working since a few months before I got pregnant with Maverick and he'll be two in March. The first year of Dayanera's life is the only time I worked. Now I worked crazy hours and was going to school full time, but her Daddy and her great grandma were home with her when I wasn't. She's always been a solitary kid. Even as a baby she preferred to be left on her own. So it was easy to just let her. We probably shouldn't have done that, I know and we have been trying to fix it.

The thing about this whole thing that gets me is that there is no autism anywhere in our families. No one in my family has had it and no one in Patrick's family has had it, that we know about. His other two children, well at least Austin doesn't seem to have it either. It's just one of those things. I realize they really don't have any idea what causes autism but it does tend to run in families. I don't know much about Bradley, Penni is a whole can of worms I don't even want to touch. I could write volumes on her. Jeez. We aren't even sure that is Patrick's kid. She told him it wasn't five years ago and then pops up this last year saying it is. The poor kid. She has tried so many times to get Patrick back that I am inclined to think that she's come up with Bradley being Patrick's hoping that would do it for her. I am nice to her these days though, because it isn't fair to the kid to fight with his mother. Kids don't get to choose their parents and the possibility is there that it is Patrick's kid. I'd be more inclined to believe it if she wasn't so insistant on keeping it a secret from everyone there in Muncie (including Bradley, she's telling him Patrick is mommy's friend), hadn't gotten so upset about Patrick's mother knowing, doesn't want child support, and the words DNA test refuse to come out of her mouth. She's a little upset with me these days, LOL. She has my cell number and our home phone number. We won't let her have Patrick's cell number and she got mad. Now girls, what woman in her right mind would let a woman who has repeatedly tried to cajole, trick, beg, and other wise manipulate her husband into leaving her for said woman have her husbands cell phone number? That is a direct line to my husband. Hell no. Not while I still take a breath. LOL. I'm generally very mature, but with this particular woman my high school girl cat fight instincts kick in.

For those of you who don't know about Penni, here is a quick explanation. When Patrick lived in Indiana (before we ever met) he had an on again off again thing with her. Sort of an intense friends with benifits thing. He got that last DUI that caused all the problems and went to jail for four months. Got out, had a minor renuinion with her, it didn't work out and he moved to Missouri. This was in 2000. He came home for Christmas that year and she was pregnant. She told him that the baby wasn't his and that it was a neighbor of hers kid. Fast forward to 2002, Patrick and I meet, get married, have Dayanera, etc. Sometime in 03/04 Penni runs into Patrick's mother in a store. Patrick's mother had no idea that Penni and Patrick had ever dated, just thought they were friends cause they worked together. She gave her our phone number. Penni starts to call occasionally. I don't think anything of it because Patrick has had a number of friends that were women. His best man at our wedding was a girl. LOL. Well, she's calling during the roughest time of our whole relationship. This is the tale end of Patrick's drinking before he got sober and grew up. We were fighting alot. Penni was on the phone trying to convince Patrick to come back to Indiana to her. I don't find out about it till we have a big fight where he tells me that he loves me and if he wanted to leave he could have gone back to Penni. Yea, so I was pissed. I made him call her and tell her never to call our house again. Then I got on the phone with her and we ummm exchanged words. She then began to call every few months and I refused to let her talk to Patrick. As a matter of fact I lost my temper with her and cussed her out a few times. She even called Patrick's mother wanting to know if she thought there was a chance that Patrick would leave me and come back to her. Patrick's mother did not call her back. LOL. She finally called a few months back and dropped the bomb on me. She told me her kid was Patrick's. Geez. So I let him talk to her. We recorded the conversation (not illegal in MO). And now she's been calling occasionally on the premise that it's for Patrick to get to know Bradley. She's still telling Patrick that she's been holding a torch for him all this time, etc. I am admirably keeping my cool. LOL. But I am still NOT going to let her have a direct line to my husband. End of discussion. No way, no how. I'm not an idiot. Patrick and I have been very happy the last couple of years, he's sober, he's in school, he's turned his life around completely. I'm totally, utterly, madly in love with my husband and I'm not letting Penni rock the boat if I can help it at all. The funny thing is, we could have been friends. If she didn't have the hots for my husband and wasn't trying to get him back, I could have been friends with her. I honestly, passionately believe that children are the most important thing. I want my kids to have a relationship with their siblings if that's possible. I want my husband to have a relationship with his kids if that's at all possible. I think it's important for parents to maintain a cordial relationship, for spouses to support those relationships and not stand in the way because it only hurts the children. I've seen it soooo many times. I would have been happy to be cordial with her and make it all as painless as possible for all of us. I'm trying to do that now, but because of her history I'm not willing to give her a direct line to my husband. We've about decided that as soon as I'm done with school, a year from may, and I'm working, we are going to sue for a paternity test. We have her on tape saying Bradley is Patrick's kid so if she tries to deny it we can fight it and find out for sure. I really think the other guy is paying child support and Patrick says that guy had money. Patrick doesn't have any money at this point and Penni wouldn't gain anything by trying to pursue child support from him. Patrick is a cook and our kids get Medicaid. LOL. We are both broke college students. He wants a relationship with Bradley if he is his kid because he really does carry alot of guilt around because he was not there for his oldest son at all. It took Patrick a long time to grow up and get sober.  That isn't any excuse for the way he was, but he isn't that way now. He's come so far and tried so hard. There is no fixing some of his mistakes, but he is trying to move forward in the best way possible. Wow, I totally got off the subject. I was talking about Dayanera and autism and got off on that dadblasted Penni.

She just burns the hell out of me. LOL. I start thinking about her and I feel the need to vent. I really can't wait to sue for a DNA test. We won't have the money till I'm done with school, but it will be worth it. Penni would be soooo annoyed if she knew about this blog. LOL. She doesn't want anyone to know that Patrick is this kids father. Not even her parents. She says no one knows. Sounds suspicious to me. If they don't know Patrick is the father then who do they think is? and why?

But anyway, I need to stop complaining about Penni. It doesn't do any good and I've got more important things to worry about. This blog entry is turning into a book.. lol... but there are a couple more things I wanted to update everyone on.

I went and talked to George, my education advisor, on tuesday. My next semester is going to be hell. lol. I'm taking 8 classes. yea, I've lost my mind. I have to do it this way though, 8 next semester, 3 this summer, 5/6 in the fall, and two in the spring of 08. It's because you aren't allowed to take anything but Classroom management when you do your student teaching. Dr. Beech, the education program's director, is retiring and things will change if I don't get certain classes in now. I may not be able to take some of them at the St. Robert campus if I don't take them in the spring and summer of this year. I keep telling myself that finally getting both of my degrees and that certificate to teach will be worth it, but it's freaking hard. LOL. Patrick is taking five classes next semester, two of which are 8 week so it won't be so hard for him, with work and all. We are starting to talk more seriously about moving after I graduate. We need to go where the jobs are and somewhere where he can finish his degree. He just can't do it here, Drury is not supporting his degree anymore. English teachers are a dime a dozen here and there is no master's program either. I want to get my Master's in English and that isn't possible at Drury. So we are talking about moving elsewhere. We had originally discussed going out of state, but I think we are going to try to stay in MO if we can. It's just easier to stay here as a new teacher. The certification process is difficult enough without changing states. I'm thinking that I'm going to look for work closer to Columbia. The university up there offers a masters and doctorate program for English. The ultimate goal is the Doctorate because I'd like to teach college one day. Anyway, I think I should end this because it has turned into a book. LOL.

Blessings,

Natalie/Em