Natalie/Em's ramblings

A strange child named Dayanera

I have this child, she's a little bit weird, you may have met her... Her name is Dayanera. She's a little strange but she's my kid and I love her more than anything in the world, so I'm worried about her. She started head start this year and I had to stop telling myself all the stuff I've been telling myself for the last couple of years. She was very late to talk among other things. Being in Head Start around other kids her age is shining a glaring light on the problems with her that I've been writing off forever now.

She's brilliant. LOL. I knew that already, right? She's very smart, has a near photographic memory. She can recite entire tv shows she's only seen once. She's 3. She knows all her letters, numbers (can count in 3 languages), shapes, colors, and can figure out how almost anything works. She understands that written words represent ideas, people, places, and things. Has all the signs of early reading and we are working on her learning her sounds right now. Sounds great right? There's a problem and it's a big one. She's ahead of all the other kids by a year or two and behind them by at least a year socially/developmentally. The Head Start psychologist wants her tested for autism and her iq tested.

Sigh. I knew it was coming. We've been tossing the word autism around for over a year. I just really hoped that she'd come out of it. Sounds dumb I know. I kept convincing myself that I just let her watch too much tv, that we didn't spend enough time with her, that she just needed to be around other kids, that a sibling would help her socialize. Well, some of that stuff has helped but the problem is not going away. It's not that Dayanera doesn't know or understand why she is supposed to do things, it's that she doesn't think it's absolutely necessary. She's content to be in her own world and interact with ours as minimally as possible. That's not to say that she fits all the criteria for autism, but she does fit alot of them.

She seeks out affection, she doesn't have trouble adjusting to changes in her routine (unless they are huge), she'll meet my eyes (not everyone's but people she's comfortable with), she doesn't line things up, she talks and can talk in full sentences (she doesn't carry on conversations with people... she recites things she's heard).

She doesn't interact with other children other than to observe and be entertained by them, she doesn't seek out conversation other than to ask for things she wants, she gets a little obessed about things and can sit and examine something (like a catalogue) for hours, she does alot of pacing and running back and forth. So she does have some autistic qualities.

We are taking her to Columbia, to the university hospital for testing soon. We got the referral and now are just waiting on the appointment. I'm worried. I'm not sure I want to test her IQ this early. I'm afraid she'll have a day where she doesn't feel like doing things other people want her to do and won't perform well. I know she's brilliant but I don't want any unecessary labels slapped on her when she's only 3.

I asked her teacher what the benefit of having her IQ tested this early would be. To be honest there aren't alot of benefits other than knowing that she's gifted and working toward stimulating her interests. Which I already know anyway. The negatives outweigh the positives as far as I can see. The teacher did say that sometimes they use the IQ test to help the diagnostic process. The negatives are that she'll have this permanent record of that test to follow her into public school. So if she doesn't perform well that day then that is going to follow her and will it be damned difficult to get her retested later. However, if she performs well then it follows her into school and she'll have no trouble getting into the gifted program. So I just don't know if I want the test now or wait and push for it later when she's gotten to a point where she's more likely to perform better for people. Performance is a big issue for her right now. She minds very well, but knows exactly how to ignore people when she doesn't want to do something. A good example is the motor skills testing they did at head start. They asked her to hop up and down. Well, jeez, she knows how to do that and will do it 50% of the time when asked. They caught her on a bad day. She just ignored them. LOL. I shouldn't laugh, but it was such a silly thing. She's not defiant either, it's just ignoring you or being amused by you. She doesn't refuse to do this stuff, she just doesn't think it's necessary to do it.

Well, just wanted to get that off of my chest.

Blessings,

Em/Natalie

2006-11-03 00:47:01 GMT

Comments (3 total)

Author:lady_selestia_lilly

Em I know that schools try ot figure out why kids don't act like other kids and sometimes I don't think that it is fair not to mention looking at how they act on one particular day instead of all the time; I was one of those kids that didn't hang out with other kids and at the age of four talked like i was a high schooler if I were in school now they would probably say that there is something wrong with me too many times people try to look for something wrong because that gives them an excuse not to deal with someone who is different, personally if i were you I wouldn't have it done- you know your kid is smart and capable of doing things it just needs a little work maybe if parents these days spent more time working to improve their kids there wouldn't be alot of the violence that teens face these days, anyway this is just my opinnion I have been around Daynera and she seemed like a perfectly normal child to me- I just hope that you don't let these techers label her simply because she isn't like other children if all kids ere alike then what fun would the world be and where would the challenge in raising kids go- Just keep in mind that now adays (having a mom that worked in schools and working in a Dr.'s office i saw alot of this) teacher prefer to label kids that need more work and pawn them off on "special ed" teacher rather than give them the attention that they need i would hate to see this happen to Daynera. Either way I hope things work out and everything is well Bright Blessings and remember that if you ever need to talk yoou can message me.

2006-11-03 02:39:58 GMT

Author:cmi_5

Clap Clap CLap.. I agree with Lady Selestia Lilly. I dont know if you know what I do. But I am a day care provider been doing it for many many moons. I have seen kids come and go some differnt and some the same. I have delt with a child with autism and let me tell you there were days I thought I would pull my hair out. by the age of 3-4 he could spell huge words but could not spell two letter words. He liked dinousours so he knew everything about them. but what i did find was he was telling me stuff that he watched on tv. or was read to him. by the age of 4-5 he was reading two years ahead of himself. and his math WOW let me tell you about his math skills. him and austin would do math paper together and the kid would always figure it out after austin told him how to do it. SO only one time would this kid be told how to do something. Very Very smart. but the sad thing was This poor kid could not handle more than one person around him at a time. He got aggressive. He could not think. matter of fact I was fearful of the babies around him cause I thought he might harm one of them. The only person that could handle him was me not my Aids or anyone eles who came to work if i had to go to town he had to come with me. he did not like sudden changes but if you gradually work it into your routine he did well.
I dont know your little girl. BUT I would really wait on the labble until you get more evadince that she is autistic. I have this web site that you can go to and if you want to talk to me let me know and i can go on yahoo some day and we can chat when you have time.. i have been trained in this. and I think I can help you.. now let me tell you. I have two kids a mounth apart each other they are both now 16 mounths one started walking by the age of 10 months and the other by by the age of 15 months. one you have a mom who works with her child and so she is doing great and speaking lets me know what she wants plays with other kids. great kid. now i have the 2nd whom stays to herself and mom thinks it is okay. matter of fact mom was very very dissapointed when she started crawling at the ripe old age of 12 months. matter of fact everything the little girl is learning is because of me. so can you see where i am going with this.. I have more info on child learning stages very interasting stuff. matter of fact they say the best time to cheach a kid anything is between the ages of 6 mo to 4 years old. after 4 they dont learn so much. so if you want them to learn 5 differnt languages that is the time to teach them. the flut that is when.. abc that is when. do you see where i am going.. well okay I am not writing a book here and do need to get to bed i have kids comeing at 3:30 am so sleep i need. bye and good luck Willing to talk to you about this. ask me anything about kids i know. ask me anthing about mixed drinks and i can tell ya. ask me about men and forget it. okay see ya

2006-11-03 03:17:51 GMT

Author:amani76

Natalie, as you know hun, my son has been labled with Autism. Remember though there are several levels of Autism. I do agree with you that people seem to like to label kids, which I really think is a shame. My son is is also quite smart but his social skills need improvement. Really the best way to deal with all of this is learn as much as you can. I have several sites that I can give you that has quite a bit of information. I also have a few books as well. Let me know what they say and we will go from there. One thing that you may have to be up front with them about is the fact that you don't want her on medication. You know as well as I do that they are perscribing kids medicine left and right. It is YOUR right as a parent to tell them what you will and will not tolerate. I will tell you though that even though I really think they only slapped a label on my son, learning about the "label" has helped me work with him a lot better. YOu know if you ever need anything all you have to do is call and I am there.

Love ya sweetie
Blessed Be
Amanda

2006-11-03 16:36:07 GMT

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		It's all about.. well.. whatever I feel like it's about that day.

		A strange child named Dayanera I have this child, she's a little bit weird, you may have met her... Her name is Dayanera. She's a little strange but she's my kid and I love her more than anything in the world, so I'm worried about her. She started head start this year and I had to stop telling myself all the stuff I've been telling myself for the last couple of years. She was very late to talk among other things. Being in Head Start around other kids her age is shining a glaring light on the problems with her that I've been writing off forever now. She's brilliant. LOL. I knew that already, right? She's very smart, has a near photographic memory. She can recite entire tv shows she's only seen once. She's 3. She knows all her letters, numbers (can count in 3 languages), shapes, colors, and can figure out how almost anything works. She understands that written words represent ideas, people, places, and things. Has all the signs of early reading and we are working on her learning her sounds right now. Sounds great right? There's a problem and it's a big one. She's ahead of all the other kids by a year or two and behind them by at least a year socially/developmentally. The Head Start psychologist wants her tested for autism and her iq tested. Sigh. I knew it was coming. We've been tossing the word autism around for over a year. I just really hoped that she'd come out of it. Sounds dumb I know. I kept convincing myself that I just let her watch too much tv, that we didn't spend enough time with her, that she just needed to be around other kids, that a sibling would help her socialize. Well, some of that stuff has helped but the problem is not going away. It's not that Dayanera doesn't know or understand why she is supposed to do things, it's that she doesn't think it's absolutely necessary. She's content to be in her own world and interact with ours as minimally as possible. That's not to say that she fits all the criteria for autism, but she does fit alot of them. She seeks out affection, she doesn't have trouble adjusting to changes in her routine (unless they are huge), she'll meet my eyes (not everyone's but people she's comfortable with), she doesn't line things up, she talks and can talk in full sentences (she doesn't carry on conversations with people... she recites things she's heard). She doesn't interact with other children other than to observe and be entertained by them, she doesn't seek out conversation other than to ask for things she wants, she gets a little obessed about things and can sit and examine something (like a catalogue) for hours, she does alot of pacing and running back and forth. So she does have some autistic qualities. We are taking her to Columbia, to the university hospital for testing soon. We got the referral and now are just waiting on the appointment. I'm worried. I'm not sure I want to test her IQ this early. I'm afraid she'll have a day where she doesn't feel like doing things other people want her to do and won't perform well. I know she's brilliant but I don't want any unecessary labels slapped on her when she's only 3. I asked her teacher what the benefit of having her IQ tested this early would be. To be honest there aren't alot of benefits other than knowing that she's gifted and working toward stimulating her interests. Which I already know anyway. The negatives outweigh the positives as far as I can see. The teacher did say that sometimes they use the IQ test to help the diagnostic process. The negatives are that she'll have this permanent record of that test to follow her into public school. So if she doesn't perform well that day then that is going to follow her and will it be damned difficult to get her retested later. However, if she performs well then it follows her into school and she'll have no trouble getting into the gifted program. So I just don't know if I want the test now or wait and push for it later when she's gotten to a point where she's more likely to perform better for people. Performance is a big issue for her right now. She minds very well, but knows exactly how to ignore people when she doesn't want to do something. A good example is the motor skills testing they did at head start. They asked her to hop up and down. Well, jeez, she knows how to do that and will do it 50% of the time when asked. They caught her on a bad day. She just ignored them. LOL. I shouldn't laugh, but it was such a silly thing. She's not defiant either, it's just ignoring you or being amused by you. She doesn't refuse to do this stuff, she just doesn't think it's necessary to do it. Well, just wanted to get that off of my chest. Blessings, Em/Natalie 2006-11-03 00:47:01 GMT Comments (3 total) Author:lady_selestia_lilly Em I know that schools try ot figure out why kids don't act like other kids and sometimes I don't think that it is fair not to mention looking at how they act on one particular day instead of all the time; I was one of those kids that didn't hang out with other kids and at the age of four talked like i was a high schooler if I were in school now they would probably say that there is something wrong with me too many times people try to look for something wrong because that gives them an excuse not to deal with someone who is different, personally if i were you I wouldn't have it done- you know your kid is smart and capable of doing things it just needs a little work maybe if parents these days spent more time working to improve their kids there wouldn't be alot of the violence that teens face these days, anyway this is just my opinnion I have been around Daynera and she seemed like a perfectly normal child to me- I just hope that you don't let these techers label her simply because she isn't like other children if all kids ere alike then what fun would the world be and where would the challenge in raising kids go- Just keep in mind that now adays (having a mom that worked in schools and working in a Dr.'s office i saw alot of this) teacher prefer to label kids that need more work and pawn them off on "special ed" teacher rather than give them the attention that they need i would hate to see this happen to Daynera. Either way I hope things work out and everything is well Bright Blessings and remember that if you ever need to talk yoou can message me. 2006-11-03 02:39:58 GMT Author:cmi_5 Clap Clap CLap.. I agree with Lady Selestia Lilly. I dont know if you know what I do. But I am a day care provider been doing it for many many moons. I have seen kids come and go some differnt and some the same. I have delt with a child with autism and let me tell you there were days I thought I would pull my hair out. by the age of 3-4 he could spell huge words but could not spell two letter words. He liked dinousours so he knew everything about them. but what i did find was he was telling me stuff that he watched on tv. or was read to him. by the age of 4-5 he was reading two years ahead of himself. and his math WOW let me tell you about his math skills. him and austin would do math paper together and the kid would always figure it out after austin told him how to do it. SO only one time would this kid be told how to do something. Very Very smart. but the sad thing was This poor kid could not handle more than one person around him at a time. He got aggressive. He could not think. matter of fact I was fearful of the babies around him cause I thought he might harm one of them. The only person that could handle him was me not my Aids or anyone eles who came to work if i had to go to town he had to come with me. he did not like sudden changes but if you gradually work it into your routine he did well. I dont know your little girl. BUT I would really wait on the labble until you get more evadince that she is autistic. I have this web site that you can go to and if you want to talk to me let me know and i can go on yahoo some day and we can chat when you have time.. i have been trained in this. and I think I can help you.. now let me tell you. I have two kids a mounth apart each other they are both now 16 mounths one started walking by the age of 10 months and the other by by the age of 15 months. one you have a mom who works with her child and so she is doing great and speaking lets me know what she wants plays with other kids. great kid. now i have the 2nd whom stays to herself and mom thinks it is okay. matter of fact mom was very very dissapointed when she started crawling at the ripe old age of 12 months. matter of fact everything the little girl is learning is because of me. so can you see where i am going with this.. I have more info on child learning stages very interasting stuff. matter of fact they say the best time to cheach a kid anything is between the ages of 6 mo to 4 years old. after 4 they dont learn so much. so if you want them to learn 5 differnt languages that is the time to teach them. the flut that is when.. abc that is when. do you see where i am going.. well okay I am not writing a book here and do need to get to bed i have kids comeing at 3:30 am so sleep i need. bye and good luck Willing to talk to you about this. ask me anything about kids i know. ask me anthing about mixed drinks and i can tell ya. ask me about men and forget it. okay see ya 2006-11-03 03:17:51 GMT Author:amani76 Natalie, as you know hun, my son has been labled with Autism. Remember though there are several levels of Autism. I do agree with you that people seem to like to label kids, which I really think is a shame. My son is is also quite smart but his social skills need improvement. Really the best way to deal with all of this is learn as much as you can. I have several sites that I can give you that has quite a bit of information. I also have a few books as well. Let me know what they say and we will go from there. One thing that you may have to be up front with them about is the fact that you don't want her on medication. You know as well as I do that they are perscribing kids medicine left and right. It is YOUR right as a parent to tell them what you will and will not tolerate. I will tell you though that even though I really think they only slapped a label on my son, learning about the "label" has helped me work with him a lot better. YOu know if you ever need anything all you have to do is call and I am there. Love ya sweetie Blessed Be Amanda 2006-11-03 16:36:07 GMT Site Home