| Chapter 6 Lord Asriel and the Pink Hippopotamuses of DOOMIENESS!!! I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep! His name is Joe! Joe! Joe! He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn! That much I know! Know! Know! Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show! Max: Today is a very special episode. Kate: Because we have a guest host today! Say hello to the pink flying hippopotamus who lives in my attic! *points to an empty chair* Max: Hello Mr. Hippo! So what did YOU do today? Empty chair: . . . Kate: WOW! You do fun stuff, Mr. Hippo! Max: Fascinating! Now please welcome our guests for the day, Lord Asriel and Stelmaria! *Lord Asriel and Stelmaria materialize in another empty chair* Lord Asriel: AAAAAA. . . what? I'm not falling! I'm ALIVE! Stelmaria?! What are you doing here? Stelmaria: That's what I'd like to know . . . we're supposed to be dead! Lord Asriel: I'm supposed to be falling with Marisa and Metatron. . . what is this place? Kate: HIYAA! Lord Asriel: *jumps* Where am I? Who are YOU? Max: You're on the Sharpie Show! You've been. . . Both: *in wierd mad-scientist type voices* TEMPORARILY RE-ANIMATED! Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: *blink* Lord Asriel: Dare I ask why? Kate: So that we can ask you a bunch of questions! I'm Kate. Max: And I'm Max. And this is our guest host, the pink flying hippopotamus! *points at empty chair* Empty Chair: . . . Max: You're so right, Mr. Hippo! Lord Asriel: But there's nothing there! Kate: What are you talking about? He's right in front of you! He's doing a tap dance on his chair! Max: It's a very strong chair. Empty Chair: . . . Kate: Awww, now you've hurt his feelings! Max: Say you're sorry! Lord Asriel: I will NOT say I am sorry to an empty chair merely for the amusement of idiot children! Do you have any idea who I am? Max: Yes, we do. You're a dead guy who, if not for us, would still be falling, daemonless, down an endless chasm with a bad angel and an evil (yet sexy) lady. Lord Asriel: . . . point taken. Sorry Mr. Hippo. *mutters* stupid kids. . . Kate: Mr. Hippo likes you ^_^ our first question is from Krazy Kitty, who is our most loyal fan! Hooraay! Max: KK has good taste. Kate: Krazy Kitty asks Stelmaria "what does a snow leopard look like? you are a snow leopard, right? if not, what _do_ you look like?" Stelmaria: Well isn't it obvious? I look like a leopard, but lighter colored so as to blend into the snow. Kate: You're almost as pretty as Kirjava ^_^ Max: You're almost as pretty as Ruta Skadi *drool*. Stelmaria: Thank you. . . I think. Kate: KK also requests that we kill Lord Asriel. Lord Asriel: WHAT?! Kate: Then she requests that we bring you back to life. Lord Asriel: *relieved sigh* Kate: And through it all, she requests that we do not kill Stelmaria. Lord Asriel: Impossible! No daemon can survive when their human is dead, and no human can be brought back to life. Kate: We brought YOU back to life, didn't we? Lord Asriel: . . .oh. Yes, you did. Max: Besides, ANYTHING can happen on the Sharpie Show. And I have just the stuff for the job. *rummages around behind chair and comes up with a spray bottle* Kate: IMMORTALITY SPRAY! Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: IMMORTALITY SPRAY?! Max: Not quite! This is special EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY! It's like IMMORTALITY SPRAY. . . only less. Lord Asriel: Er. . . could I perhaps see some of that IMMORTALITY SPRAY? Kate: Oh no you don't! Max: We know EXACTLY what you'll do with it! Kate: And you're STILL supposed to be dead. Lord Asriel: *mutters dark things* Max: *sprays Lord Asriel and Stelmaria with EXTENDED MORTALITY SPRAY* Makes for one good rezz. *whacks Lord Asriel with his spatula* Lord Asriel: *dies. . . again* Stelmaria: *blink* Max: Cool! It actually worked! Lord Asriel: *rezzes* AAUGH! @_@ Kate: Fun, isn't it? Lord Asriel: no. Max: Morpherkidvb asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Severus Snape of Harry Potter?" Lord Asriel: Who of what? Kate: HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER! ^_^ Stelmaria: . . . what? Kate: Morpherkidvb asks Stelmaria "your name means something about stars, so I'll ask you- what is the meaning of life if you are a chicken with huge pimples on his butt?" Stelmaria: That's an easy one! The meaning of life is to DESTROY THE AUTHORITY! Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Kate: OOH! Good evil laugh! Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: Thank you, Thank you! *bow* Empty Chair: . . . Kate: Mr. Hippo makes a valid point! What's your answer? *looks at Lord Asriel* Lord Asriel: O.o there's no one. . . Max/Kate: *growl and stick their spatula/microphone in Lord Asriel's face* Lord Asriel: O.O Uh. . . the answer is. . . three hundred and seventy five? Kate: I never would have thought that! Max: What an interesting answer! Lily asks Lord Asriel "Are you related to Lord Voldemort?" Lord Asriel: AAAAUGH! DON'T SAY THE NAME! Kate: *blink* You know who he is? Lord Asriel: No, but the name creeps me out. *shiver* Max: O.o oookaay. . . Kate: Lily asks Stelmaria "Didja eva love somebody so much it makes you cry?" Max: And your little fling with . . . whatever that gold monkey's name was doesn't count! Stelmaria: Hah! I'm too high and mighty to love someone that much! Kate: You and your human over there sacrificed yourself for Lyra. Stelmaria: . . . oh. Empty Chair: . . . Kate: Yes, you're right Mr. Hippo! Love IS the most important thing in the world! ^_^ Max: *turns around and pukes behind his chair* Kate: �.� Hika: *randomly pops up* Hee hee! You look like 'Keru! *randomly dissapears* Everyone: O.O Max: That was random. Kate: So are the urple cheese llamas ^_^ Max: Not anymore they're not. Kate: What about the snazzy fish in color changing toe socks? Max: Those are still random. Kate: Good ^_^ Lord Asriel: Excuse me! Max: WHADDAYA WANT?! Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: O.o we wanted to know if we could go now. . . Kate: Oh, why would you want to do that? Lord Asriel: Perhaps because you terrify me? Kate: That works. Max: Don't you wanna stick around for our next guest? Lord Asriel: Depends on who it is. Kate: *giggle* Whoitis wears diapers? *crickets chirp* Max: . . . that was just stupid. Kate: SUE! Max: AAAUGH! *whacks Kate with his Spatula* Kate: *dies* Max: Hmph. Now as I was saying. . . Lord Asriel: O.O but. . . but. . . that girl is DEAD! Stelmaria: YES! Kate: *rezzes* You'd all just love that, wouldn't you? Max: ACK! Kate: *raspberries Max* You're not the only one with Immortality Spray. And *I* didn't have to steal mine! Max: -.- May I announce our next guest NOW please? Kate: Yes. Mr. Hippo wants to know too. Max: Our next guest is Marisa Coulter and her daemon. . . whatever it's name is. . . Lord Asriel/Stelmaria: AAAAUGH! *run away in horror and vaporize once they leave the trash can* Max/Kate: *blink* Empty Chair: . . . . Kate: Yes, Mr. Hippo. They ARE strange. ======= A/N Wow O.o that didn't take very long. . . I'm gonna hafta start setting up dates to put up new chapters of the Show. . . Oh well ^_^ Next episode we question Mrs. Coulter! |