| Chapter 5: Kir-java-java-java! Max: Welcome back to the Sharpie Show! Kate: Our guest today is that mysterious daemon we know virtually nothing about, Kirjava! *random people herd Kirjava on stage* Kirjava: DON'T TOUCH ME! Max: *eyeroll* Daemons. So protective of their personal space. Kate: *staring at Kirjava* Your fur is pwetty *-* All black 'n shiney. Kirjava: *preening* Why thank you! Kate: *to Max* Oh by the way, before I forget to tell you, Hika is pissed because you stole her immortality spray. *smirks* Max: Uh. . . I WAS FRAMED! Kate: Nice try. You're busted. *laughs* Max: uh. . . Kirjava: Where am I?! Who are you? Kate: Wow, it's a record! No one's ever waited that long to ask where they were ^_^ Kirjava is special! Kirjava: How do you know my name? How can you see me? Max: We see all kinds of things normal people don't see. Kate: Like the pink flying hippopotomus that everyone says doesn't exist but really lives in my attic and stomps around on the roof at 2 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep! I see HIM! Max: I thought he was purple. Kate: No, he's definitely pink. Max: Hmm. He looked purple when you showed him to me. Kate: He went swimming in grape juice that day.] Max: *nods* That explains it! Kirjava: O.O Is this the Sharpie Show? Max/Kate: Yes! Kirjava: NOOOOOO! Will warned me about you! Max: Word sure gets around fast between people and their daemons. Kate: I want a daemon! *sob* And hobbit feet! And elf ears! And a green Sebring convertible and Elijah Wood and. . . Max: Be quiet. First question is from AngelFade, who says "Ask Kirjava 'are you a girl?' (my brother asked that) and I ask 'Why is your fur so subtle???? WHY CAN'T I SEE IT?!?!?! I HATE YOU!!!! Here, have a gift. *hands Kirjava a gift* YOU STUPID DAEMON!!!!!" Kirjava: O.O Well, yes, I AM female. Generally peoples daemons are their opposite sex, and my human, Will, is a boy. And I don't know why my fur is so subtle. I suppose Will and I are just a subtle person. Kate: *giggle* That sounded funny! Kirjava: You can't see it because people from our world don't know about daemons. And I hate you too. Thank you for the gift. Max: Open it! Kirjava: *opens the box* What is it? Kate: It's a lifetime supply of IMMORTALITY SPRAY! Kirjava: What would I want that for? I want to die and be with Pan in the Kingdom of Heaven. Audience: Awwwwwwww! Kate: Isn't that sweet? Max: *gags* Kate: *glares at Max* So Kirjava, what does your name mean anyway? Kirjava: I have no idea. Max: It sounds like some kind of coffee! Kate: O.o Kirjava: O.o Max: Well, you know. . . Java? Kate: *giggle* Kir-java-java-java. . . I like saying Java. . . Max: Almost as much as you like saying "spouse"? Kate: Yup, and "spiffy"! This next question is from Hikaness *waves* HI HIKA! who asks "If you died and became a ghost, who or what would you want to haunt?" Kirjava: I don't think daemons CAN become ghosts, but if I did, I'd like to haunt Pan and Lyra. . . Audience: Awwwwwwww! Kate: I'd like to haunt Frodo! Max: I'd like to haunt Ruta Skadi! Next question is from a_troubled_girl who wants to know "wat da hELL happened ALL dat time spent wit pan.....^.~" And don't you DARE start giggling! *mutters about stupid girls* Kirjava: *eyes light up* Oooh, THAT time! Such fond memories. . . Kate: Isn't that cute? Audience: Aa. . . Max: AND DON'T YOU START THAT AGAIN! Kate: Next question is from Odd World who asks "Do you like Austin Powers? Does his yucky teeth make you horny? Am I crazy?" Kirjava: Yes, I do like Austin Powers but no his yucky teeth do NOT make me horny. And yes, I do think you're crazy. YOU�RE ALL CRAZY! Max: All hail the crazy people! Kate: My daddy will tell you I'm crazy. . . my mommy will tell you I'm special ^_^ Kirjava: Er. . . lovely. Kate: Morpherkidvb asks "Do you ever get bored of Will? I mean, according to 90% of the fics, he's gotten all boring and depressing. So can you just, like, leave him and find another human? And do you ever get tired of never having a part in any fanfics (mostly mine?)?" Kirjava: Well I can't really leave Will because technically he and I are the same being. So no matter how boring and depressed he gets, I'm stuck with him for life. Max: That's depressing. Kirjava: And yes, I do get tired of never being written about . . . *sniff* I feel so . . . so. . . UNIMPORTANT! *sobs* Kate: Awww, there there! *hands Kirjava a cookie* I think you're important! Kirjava: Really? Max: No, she's just saying that to get you to stop wailing. Kate: I am not! Max: Well I would. Barannilwen asks "Are you in love with Pan." oh is that a dumb question...fine.. "Are you in love with Will? Jealous of Lyra." "ever have fantasies of killing Lyra so you can have Will to yourself?" Kirjava: *sparkly eyes* Paaaan. . . Kate: Hey look! She looks like I do whenever I'm thinking about 'Lijah! *sparkly eyes* �Liijaaaah. . . Max: Must. . . not. . . puke. . . Kirjava: O.o And even if I WAS in love with Will (which I'm not, because it would be a bit strange to be in love with myself), I couldn't kill Lyra without killing Pan, who I love. . . Max: Give me a few seconds to control my gag reflex, please. Kate: *whacks Max with her microphone* MinnowBrookSkittles asks "Have you, at any time or in any place, ever jumped off a waterfall and fallen on one of my other personalities? Because some weird, subtle cat did and she didn't like it. No I didn't. Oh, and please ask her: Is a person that has a daemon of the same sex gay/lesbian? Or just weird? (Sorry if this is offensive or crude....I just always wanted to know.) And, since I am a maniacal tripolar plagiarist, Can you pleeeease ask Kirjava whether or not I have a raccoon for a daemon? Because I'm convinced I do." Kirjava: I did fall off a waterfall once and onto someone. . . they didn't seem to like it very much either. And I've never met a person with a daemon of the same sex, so I wouldn't know. Maybe they are just weird. And. . . if you believe your daemon is a raccoon, I guess it is. . . Kate: I want a daemon! Max: Yes, we know. Kate: Well that's all the time (and questions) we have right now. Max: Our next guests are Lord Asriel and Stelmaria, who we are interviewing together because Stelmaria is a bit character. Kate: And she can't be separated from Lord Asriel like Pan and Lyra and Will and Kirjava can. Kirjava: I suppose it would be out of line to ask if I could see Pan? Max: Yes it would. Kate: Wait until the SUPER EPISODE. *random people herd Kirjava out of the room* Kate: See? No yelling ^_^ Max: Thank Dust. Kate: Thank the Urple Cheese Llamas. ============= A/N: That was fun! ^_^ I like Kirjava! She spiffay! Send in questions for Lord Asriel and Stelmaria. I'm trying to get the main characters on the show in more-or-less an in order of appearance type thing. Except in the case of Will and Kirjava. Anyway, next we get to bug Lord Asriel! ^_^ |