| Chapter 2 : Lyra is kinapped. . . er. . . comes to visit! Live from an aluminum trash can, it's. . . THE SHARPIE SHOW! I have a sheep! Sheep! Sheep! His name is Joe! Joe! Joe! He cuts my lawn! Lawn! Lawn! That much I know! Know! Know! Kate: Welcome to the Sharpie Show! Max: Today we have a very special guest. Kate: Actually, Max just likes saying "special". Max: I do not! Kate: He thinks it makes things sound important. Max: Shut up. *whacks Kate with his spatula* Kate: Oww! Max: Please welcome Lyra Belacqua/Silvertongue! *random people drag Lyra in* Kate: HI LYRA! *waves* Lyra: Lemme go! Where am I? Kate: You're on THE SHARPIE SHOW! Max: The show where we kidnap random His Dark Materials characters and force them to answer our questions! Lyra: I ent answering no questions. Kate: Good! Lyra: *blink* Kate: I love gramattical technicalities XD Lyra: Where's Pantalaimon? Max: He's not here. We're interviewing him later. Lyra: . . . Kate: Okay! First question is from me! What's up with your name? Lyra: Huh? Kate: Well, it just sounds so much like liar, that I wondered if maybe that's what it meant. You do lie a lot, after all. Lyra: Not that I know of. Max: *from behind the Dictionary* It says here Lyra is a northern constellation that represents the lyre of Orpheus. Kate: So you're a musical instrument! Lyra: No! What kind of a show is this? Kate: A spiffy one! Max: Our second question is from ElfinQueenMurasaki, who asks "If you had five watermelons in one pocket, and five coconuts in the other, what is the circumference of a French Corn Chip?" Lyra: o.O What? Kate: The answer, of course, is 77 gold duck feathers! The next question is from Some Guy who asks "Did you and Will ever have sexual contact?" Max: Hey, I've been wondering that too. Lyra: Even if I did, what makes you think I'd tell you? That's none of your business! Kate: Boys. *eyeroll* Lyra: Hmph. Kate: *whispers to Lyra* Did you? Lyra: I'm not saying we DIDN'T . . . *micheivous grin* Kate: *giggles insanely* Max: Girls. *eyeroll* Kate: *continues to giggle* Max: This question is . . . Kate: *is still giggling* Max: *singsong voice* Oh Ka-a-a-ate. . . Kate: What?! Max: Shut up! *whacks Kate with Chester* Kate: Oww! Co-host abuse! Max: That's better. Now this question comes from Hikaness. . . Kate: HI HIKA! Max: *glares at Kate* Hikaness asks WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN? Oh... wait... you're not in my kitchen! You're in my computer! *sobs* WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME? Lyra: What?! I was never in your kitchen! I swear, I know nothing about any strawberry mousse! I wasn't involved in the pasta incident, it was like that when I got there! I'm not in your computer! Kate: You're in mine! Lyra: . . . I SWEAR I'M NOT STALKING ANYONE! Why do I always get blamed for everything?! Max: Because you usually DO everything? Lyra: Could be. Kate: *randomly sets Lyra's skirt on fire* Lyra: AAAUGH! *frantically rolls around to put the fire out* WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! Kate: I wanted to see how people burn when they're separated from their daemons! Max: No you didn't, you're just a pyromaniac. Kate: I like fire *-* Lyra: SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CRAZY PLACE! *makes a break for freedom* Max: Oh no you don't, we're not through with you! *random people grab Lyra and tie her to her chair* Kate: Comfy? Lyra: No. Kate Good! Usakitten asks "just exactly how far did you go with Will?" Lyra: *picks at the knots in the rope* Wouldn't you like to know. Max: Yes, we would. Kate: I wasn't finished. "We know you made-out, and bathed together. . ." Lyra: How did you find out?! Kate: I read the Amber Spyglass! Max: Twice! Kate: So answer the question. Lyra: And what if I don't? Kate: Then you will be subject to the talents of Max and his Spatula of Doom. Lyra: O.o what? Max: *maniacal grin* Heheh. . . Chester likes to torture uncooperative hostages. . . er. . . guests! Lyra: O.O ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! *whispers something in Kate's ear that maker her turn a lovely shade of red and giggle like a schoolgirl high on Mountain Dew* Max: HEY! What did she say? Kate: I'll tell you when you're older. Maybe. Max: I hate you. Kate: ^_^ I hate you too! *hugs Max* Max: You're an idiot. Kate: You're a boy named Sue. Max: *glare* Lyra: This is worse than Bolvangar! Someone get me out of here! Kate: Not before we ask you another question. Max: Right. Morpherkidvb asks "When you think about Will, do you associate his name with things like 'Catnip', 'lover', and 'Wild African Buffalo'?" Lyra: Catnip, no. Lover, yes. Wild African Buffalo, yes. Kate: You associate Will with a Wild African Buffalo? Lyra: . . .yes. Yes I do. Kate: That's weird. Max: Sounds like something YOU would say! *points at Kate and laughs* Kate: Oh be quiet. *whacks Max with her microphone* Max : *dies* X.X Kate: Good riddance. Lyra: But . . . your co-host is dead! Max: *rezzes* She'd like that, wouldn't she? Kate: WHAT?! You're supposed to be a ghost! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?! Max: Well I would, but I . . . borrowed Hika's Immortality Spray. Kate: You thieving little. . . not-nice person! Max: *smirks* No need to be jeleous, O mortal one. If you promise to be my devoted slave for oh, say, eternity, maybe I'll let you have some. Kate: Why would I want to be immortal anyway? Max: I seem to recall Hika spraying a certain hobbit you spend the better part of your life drooling over with Immortality Spray. Kate: O.O GIMME! *tackles Max* Max: No! Go steal. . . eh, get your own! Lyra: *takes advantage of the fight and runs away, leaving her now untied ropes in a pile around her chair* Max: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE THE STUPID SPRAY! STOP BITING ME! Kate: *unclamps her teeth from Max's ear* Yay! Max: *dumps the spray on the ground* Oops! Did I do that? Kate: HEY! You did that on purpose! *pokes Max* And you let our hostage. . . er. . . guest escape! Max: Was it my turn to watch her? Kate: YES! Max: Nutbunnies. Well folks, it seems that for now our show must come to an end. Kate: It's kind of hard to interview someone who has run away in terror. Max: But be sure to join us next time, when we interview Will Parry! Lyra: *off camera* WILL?! WHERE?! LEMME SEE WILL! Kate: Nope, you had your chance! Until next time, and send in your questions for Will! It will please the purple cheese llamas! Max: And randomness strikes again. Kate: Namarie ^_^ Lyra: *wails* I WANNA SEE WILL! ====== A/N: Why is Lyra saying "lemme", "wanna", and "gonna" so much? I dunno. Maybe I just like blurring words XD Send in your questions for Will! And yes, if you couldn't tell already, I love Lord of the Rings too. . . ^_^ |