The Wall

Whenever nobody cares,
or when nobody knows I exist,
I build a wall.
And when no one�s there for me,
and no one wants to be,
I build a wall.

I build a wall
made from insecurities�
a wall of despair
to defend my city from invading hope.
The bricks of pain stack higher and higher�
even though I know I build my barrier in vain.
The lightning flashes
and thunder roars.
But all through this inclement rage
I build my wall
while I stand in the rain�
Soaking into my skin
and penetrating
deeper
  deeper
   deeper�
until it reaches my soul�
the passionate fire that�s so easy to snuff out.
Freezing�
My heart turns to ice,
and with it�
my emotions.
And nothing�s there but the wall.
Nothing is left on the outside
but my stoic barrier.

If only the fa�ade I put up would crumble�
maybe hope will invade,
and maybe with that hope
there�ll be happiness�
But my formidable wall still stands.
And in here it is dark.
  In here I am lonely.
   In here I am nothing
but the raving demons eating what is left
of my city�
destroying�
recreating me.
And now I will lose who I am
All because I built a wall.

--Emerald Eyes
January 13, 2001
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