Evolving?

It seems like I get right there.. right on the brink of seeing everything,,, and then suddenly the door is slamed in my face...
Why is it?
Just as soon as I see a glimpse of light I am forced back into darkness? The Seat of the Soul... by Gary Zukav...
tells us that:

No understanding of Evolution is adequate that does not have at its core that we are on a journey toward authentic power, and that authentic empowerment is the goal of our evolutionary process and the purpose of our being. We are evolving from a species that pursues external power into a species that pursues authentic power. We are leaving behind exploration of the physical world as our sole means of evolution. This means of evolution, and the consiousness that results from an awareness that is limited to the five-sensory modality, are no longer adequate to what we must become.

How do we evolve from a five-sensory to a multi-sensory human being? I have always thought it true that yes, I am evolving.. every day it seems I gain new insight to my deeper understanding.. but how do we cross that line from almost understanding into awareness? If it's right there on the tip of our brain.. what is it that is keeping me from seeing what it is my being is trying to show me. Why is it that some never even try to understand themselves? Why is it that there are people out there who walk around everyday oblivious to the journey they are traveling, taking for granted delicate moments that could influence the path of the journey they have embarked upon. Not thinking twice about why they are here or where they are going in the end of it all. I just don't understand why some people can see that there is so much we have to learn about ourselves and all that is around us,, but others can never see beyong the physical, what makes them different? What denies them this insight?

Maybe it's eveyone else around them.. maybe its the whole picture.. all that influences their lives everyday keeping them from stopping just a moment and looking at things for what they really are. I know that when I was with my X husband.. (DIE MOTHER FUCKER!!) it seemed there was this cloud in my head... I couldn't see anything for the reallity it was. I only saw what he wanted me to see.. and this was not just in regards to him.. but everything.. everything was a fabrication of the truth.. I saw my kids to be spoiled and unruly,, when in reallity he was just overbearing and impatient with them.. I saw my mother to be controlling and judgemental,, when in truth she was concerned and compassionate,,, I saw my friends to be meddlers and instigators when they were actually being friends, honest, loyal, and devoted... He twisted my images of myself as well.. I thought I was a bad person.. I could never do anything right.. my main goal in life was to please him in order to feel like I was actually finally doing something right.. nothing I did satisfied him.. the more I tried the more I was a screw up.. couldnt wash the clothes right, cooked things the wrong way or not to his tastes, was too forgiving in my discipline of the children, trips to wal-mart made me feel like I had done something terribly wrong in my marriage after accuasations when ariving home,, so I wouldnt go.. and if I did I was timing myself to make sure he knew I only had time to get what I was getting and get home.. constantly having my past thrown up in my face when things of my past were none of his business,,, trying so hard all the while to have him see me for the person I was, and love me unconditionally when in the end the truth being that he didnt want to love me,,, he didnt want me to be myself,, he wanted me to be 'his' the way he wanted me.. to suit his needs.. so he would never be happy with me.. he was the judgemental one, the spoiled, unruly, controlling, meddling, instigating, FUCKING LIAR!!!!!!!!! LOL.. but guess what ,,, I'm me now and theres nothing he can do about it..

Maybe this is why God says that it is better if we are alone? We let others influence who we are.. maybe this is why some people can't see the things that others can.. maybe in order to evolve we have to be.... alone... without outside influences... and maybe the whole concept of finding a soul mate is that you find that special person who will evolve with you... hmmm ... thats kinda scary but kinda nice... weird huh?